Is there a solution to this problem?

[Ace Otana]

Girls get wet in your presence Ace.

Oh...

I gets it now.

---

Because the arsehole happened to come at a time when she wanted him, for what purpose she wanted him?

Cynicism!

She become so desprate that she went off with a total dick? Now I feel bad for not being there so she could grab me instead. Now I blame my self more than ever.

Bugger.

[Violet]

She become so desprate that she went off with a total dick? Now I feel bad for not being there so she could grab me instead. Now I blame my self more than ever.

Bugger.

I'm always here for you to help every situation become worse ^_^

[mem]

Ok, I've spent months thinking this one over to only end up confused.

Ok so I've had this huge crush on this girl for over 10 years and she to me. We've never talked as we are both as shy as each other. Now 3 years ago I left town and lost all contact with her, then 3 years later I regain contact after coming back, only to find that she is single but now has a 2 year old daughter. Now here's the problem, I can't afford to have/raise kids and further more, I don't want kids. We still have strong feelings for each other but can't think of a solution to this problem. Can any of you?

So after months of thought and failed to find a way around this problem, I thought I'd try the think tank (atheist forums).

Just a query, Does the woman know how you feel? Have you talked to her about your feelings about kids? If you have then she should decide if she wants to be with you despite your reluctance to be part of the childs life. If you havent told her, I think you should. I would think, speaking as a parent myself that she might have concerns about bringing you into the situation. You cant be with her and not interact with the child , I think that would be unfair on the child. My advice would be to be really honest with the lady and see what she thinks. She may not want a man to support her and the kid-I did it alone and it was fine. I had relationships but never involved my son. It's very hard to be a step-parent. I started a relationship with my partner when my son was 14 years old (he is now 28). I made it clear to my partner that my son was not looking for a replacement dad and that I was bringing him up. I never expected my partner to help me in any way. It has not been easy but I dont regret it-we are still together! So it can work and of course we should always try to live by the maxim "sieze the day". I hope this helps, I waffled on a bit, let us know how it goes xx

[Ace Otana]

She knows about how I feel about kids but I don't think she knows exactly how I feel or understands my position though.
I don't like being there with her and her child, even if I'm not supporting the child. Wouldn't feel right.
Like I said, I felt comfortable being with her 3 years ago but now? No.

I agree that I can't be with her without being with the child as well and as someone said on here, it's a package deal. From deep down I really don't want to be involved. I like her alot but don't want to get involved. So there is only one conclusion.

I've just recently cut off all contacts from her. I think it's best this way. No more hurt, no more pain. It ends now.
I've made my decision after months of thought and consideration. No one can say I hadn't thought about it.

[Ace Otana]

My advice would be to be really honest with the lady and see what she thinks.

[I know this thread has been inactive for many months but saw no reason to start another thread, seeing as this is nothing more than an update]

Ok, two months ago I had been in contact with her. Now it turns out she is now with someone else (turns out she's with someone who's a bit of a horrible git). Before I knew of this character, I truly believed she was with someone good and I could just slip away quietly and leave'em to it. Now I sent her a little facebook message and as you suggested, I came clean. I told her everything, the situation, my feelings on it all, the lot! I did it in the kindest way that I could. I even had my sis read it, she thought it was lovely. So I sent it.
Guess what happened next? Well.....it's been too months now.........and she hasn't lifted the fucking block!

Only recently have I become aware of her situation. She's depressed, she's lost her mum a short while back, she's with a cunt, she drinks alot, has no free time because of her commitments and now based on my sisters reports, she has even deleted everything on her FB account. She's going down hill fast!
I guess by me informing her that I think it's best that I moved off and slip away, I guess that was just another bad thing for her to deal with. At this moment in time, it is almost impossible to contact her. So I guess that's it.

Though, there is still two last possible ways to contact her. Though I've decided just to let her be.
Just thought I'd put this little update on here. Don't think there'll be any more updates. Who'd a thought it could all crash and burn so quickly, with one little message? That's actually why I haven't been on here for a while. I've changed my facebook settings so that she can't get back into contact with me. It's ended and I'm making sure it stays that way. Real shame that it had to end this way. From my point of view, it's like she doesn't exist anymore.

[thesummerqueen]

That's a shame, Ace...it really is.

Three points - one, you can't help how you feel about someone...only time and probably another person coming into your life will totally soothe over whatever wounds another person leaves on your heart.

Two...girls are stupid. Oh, we are. We let our hearts get swooped up and stomped on again and again by utter and complete dipshits. And then we're absolute fucking IDIOTS when a nice guy walks across our path. For one reason or another this girl probably didn't (still doesn't) realize she was worth way more than either of those fucktards. We sometimes need a reminder that we're princesses who deserve nothing less than kings.

Three - don't let anyone make you feel guilty about walking away (not that anyone here would). You have to decide what's best, and while it's a shame to watch someone you care about spiral downwards sometimes you have to protect yourself as well.