Problem dealing with death as an atheist

[Cynical8]

I've been dealing with an issue that I believe only atheists could really help me with, and so I came across these forums. I just joined, and after a quick browse didn't see my issue anywhere, so I apologize if this is a repeat topic.

Anyway. I'll do my best to explain my issue:
I'm an atheist and I also have a few problems with depression and anxiety. My problem, however, is that I've recently developed a MAJOR "fear" of death.

Specifically, I am convinced, beyond a doubt, that there is no existence after death. I am 100% convinced that when I die, there will be nothingness... no afterlife, no me, no thoughts, no blackness, no sleep, nor any ability to think. I won't even know I died, and I won't even be able to acknowledge that I don't know I died. At this moment, I feel like I really understand what that means, and I am deeply deeply disturbed by it. I'm not sure how to cope with it. I can keep it out of my mind for short periods of time, but ultimately I'll read an article about someone dying, see a news report, and so on and start thinking about it again.

If anyone has any advice or thoughts or hopefully some sort of solution to my problem, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

[reverendjeremiah]

Im an atheist that used to work at a cemetary. Did you know black men turn white and white men turn black after they have fermented for a couple of weeks? Did you know that dead humans smell like rotten fish guts with a very noticeable "honey" sickly sweet smell? Did you know that if you smell dead bodies for more than a few minutes you will get a chemical burn in your nostrels that will not go away for at least 36 hours? Yes, you still smell that same dead body your entire weekend even though you have been home for 2 days...well..I could keep going, but it gets a bit nastier and nastier.

Fear of death is something ingrained into our species to ensure passing of the genes to the next offspring. So fear of death actually has biological benefits, for many obvious reasons. Also, what you say about death is very much what many different departments of the science have confirmed. Your thoughts are processed by your brain. Once your brain dies, your ego ceases to exist. You will not even know that you are dead.

Now, I know to some people that this can seem very frightening, but let me give you some tips I used to get over my small amount of frustration I had for the topic:

#1 - dont hide from the topic of death right now. Dont run from it right now. Right now is a crucial time for you. Learn as much as you can about the biology and science dealing with death. Learn as much as you can. Knowledge is power. Empower yourself on the topic before you come to any conclusions...unless you are already knowledgable, then skip to the next one.

#2 - Once you have some info on what happens to the body and brain in death, and why fear of death is a biological property in our species, then it is time to start running down lists of priorities of why you are so much more afraid of death than normal and run them through to their honest conclusion wether you like their outcome or not. You must be VERY honest with yourself and not coddle yourself with deluding and feel good lies. Example:
- Why do I fear death?
- I fear it because I will not be able to acknowledge to myself that I am dead.
- Why is that acknowledgement of my own death is important to me?
deeply analyse your wants and needs and fears when it comes to death so that you know what is important, and what is trivial.

#3 - Once you have that mental list of your priorities, ask yourself if they are realistic. "Is it realistic of me to want to live forever?" Wanting to live forever does nothing more than add extra emotional backage to an already crappy situation. Not only are you afraid of death, but you want to live forever, something you cannot possibly attain. Worrying about things that are unnecesary does nothing but add more emotional stress. Come to terms with your mental list of priorities, prune the unnecesary bagage, and accept reality for what it is.

Have you ever been put under for surgery? That is pretty much what death will be like.

#4 - Try to find positive things about death. My personal favorite solice in death is that I will finally attain perfect peace. No need for food, water, bathroom breaks, no joy, no pain, no politics, no religion, no thinking, no me, just peaceful oblivion. Its okay to be afraid of death, but dont let it ruin your life here and now. I dont want to die, but after I am dead it will no longer matter to me. I will fight to stay alive, but if I lose that fight then I did the best I could.

#5 - If you ever find yourself going back and rediscussing your fears of death again, try this mental exercise:

"The universe is 13.5 billion years old. For 13.5 billion years I NEVER EXISTED. It didnt hurt me one bit. In fact, I didnt even notice it. When I am dead, it will be the same as before I was born"

I take solice in that mental exercise. After a while you will realize that you no longer need to wrry about it so much, and focus on living and enjoying your life, right here, right now.

[theVOID]

You're right, we are going to cease to exist one day leaving behind a meat sack that we currently refer to as a body, if that scares you I don't know how I can help, take some meds? Like it or not it's the reality of the situation, take comfort in knowing the truth and make the most of the life you have.

I don't fear death, dying on the other hand is a cunt.

[reverendjeremiah]

I don't fear death, dying on the other hand is a cunt.

I personally like cunts. Perhaps another metaphore would suffice?

---

Cynical - also, if you think it is a big problem for you, go seek some professional help. Maybe some meds will help you if you are obsessing on death all the time. Im not a professional psyche. I merely told you how I overcome a few nagging fears of my own. I am not you. You might have a psychological or a chemical imbalance. Only you can decide if it is that bad or not..for I surely cant.

[Violet]

I've been dealing with an issue that I believe only atheists could really help me with, and so I came across these forums. I just joined, and after a quick browse didn't see my issue anywhere, so I apologize if this is a repeat topic.

Most topics are repeat topics, tis very boring for me. But occasionally one pops up that is truly fascinating and new to me. Don't worry, this one isn't one of those fascinating or new ones

Anyway. I'll do my best to explain my issue:
I'm an atheist and I also have a few problems with depression and anxiety. My problem, however, is that I've recently developed a MAJOR "fear" of death.

Specifically, I am convinced, beyond a doubt, that there is no existence after death. I am 100% convinced that when I die, there will be nothingness... no afterlife, no me, no thoughts, no blackness, no sleep, nor any ability to think.

You aren't wrong (so far as I can tell). You will have had the ultimate peace, infact the only peace that is not 'relative' peace.

I won't even know I died, and I won't even be able to acknowledge that I don't know I died. At this moment, I feel like I really understand what that means, and I am deeply deeply disturbed by it. I'm not sure how to cope with it. I can keep it out of my mind for short periods of time, but ultimately I'll read an article about someone dying, see a news report, and so on and start thinking about it again.

Why does this deeply disturb you? You wouldn't be dead if you had the ability to know you died, or to acknowledge it. Nothingness and peace isn't a lot to think about... think of it as your just desserts that after struggling through life and making your impact upon the living and those yet to live that you will finally 'settle down' and be at peace.

If anyone has any advice or thoughts or hopefully some sort of solution to my problem, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

Solution: you cannot cure death, you cannot stop it, you can at best delay it. It will happen, you know it, I know it, and it's about time you accepted it and stopped wasting your life (which unlike the eternal death: is very finite) worrying about death. Now... dying? That fucking sucks, I'm not even playing with you.

[ozgoat]

If anyone has any advice or thoughts or hopefully some sort of solution to my problem, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

I don't know your age, but I had the same experience that you're having when in my mid 30s. I was never sure if it was the thoughts of my death that made me depressed or whether I though about my death because I was already depressed.

Relaxation/meditation were helpful and I managed to put the fear of death into the back of my mind and the fear gradually lessened.

I take a lot of solace in the fact that every life form on Earth eventually dies and in doing so provides sustenance for other life forms. We therefore live on, in a way, as part of another life form, as does every life form when it dies. Life on Earth is a wonderful thing(for me at least!), and I'm more than happy to be part of it and to feel that my death will serve a purpose in keeping other life forms alive until it then becomes their turn to die.

This is the cycle on Planet earth. We can't avoid it, but can learn to embrace it, that we have been a part of it.

Your fear is quite common, you're not alone and this is obviously why ancient people invented the fear suppressor of life after death. It gives people a modicum of comfort to think they will continue to live in some form after they die and perhaps re-unite with loved ones. Religions thrive on it!

Keep yourself busy, trying meditation and every time you get the thought, try pushing it to the back of your mind. There are surely more important things in your life than thoughts of your death. If the fear persists then perhaps a visit to your doctor my be called for. There may be underlying causes for the depression that brings about thoughts of your death and not the fear of your death that brings about the depression.

[Zen Badger]

I think most people have been where you are now.

And either they come to terms with it or turn to religion.

In my case the fear of the nothingness after death was very scary, until I realised that there wouldn't be a me to experience it.

And when you think that what religion has to offer is either the mind numbing tedium of eternity in the flaccid bosom of christ or eternal torment in hell.

Looked at that way, non existence suddenly becomes quite attractive.

[Tearjerker]

Well, the thing about death is that it's inevitable and you cannot escape it. Also it can happen anytime anywhere and anyhow. There's nothing to fear it will happen you only need to accept that, you came to this world unwillingly and you'll leave this world unwillingly. As you didn't chose when or when to come, you have no choice in the matter of when and where you go, actually there is but I'd like to think that suicide option is not on your table.

Death is death it happens every second somewhere in the world, it's not a disease and it can't be cured. You don't have to fear the inevitable, just accept it and when the subject comes to mind know that no matter what you lived a good life or at least you tried.

[BlackUnicorn]

Think of rotting cabbage, or rotting pig meat, then couple it with decaying clothing. I am going with cremation.

[Rev. Rye]

Well, have you ever read William Cullen Bryant's "Thanatopsis?" It portrays an amazingly transcendental-seeming account of what happens when your body molders in its grave. I mean, the event itself may be disquieting, but damned if Bryant doesn't make it sound as amazing as heaven could be.