rewriting the bible part 3 - Leviticus

[Cecelia]

Can we invent new, more interesting characters?

Sounds like fun.

"If you eat the apple, you will surely not die," said the serpent to Eve.

And Lo and Behold God appeared, and said "I am thy lord thy god!  And I am sick of these mother fucking snakes in this mother fucking garden!"  and cast the snakes out.

But then God's younger brother Rod came along, and brought the snake back.  "Brother, the snake got out of the garden.  Thou shalt not worry though, I put it back!"

And so Adam and Eve ate the apple of knowledge and died.  Then God brought them back and kicked them out of the garden so the talking snake wouldn't bother them any more.  "Geez Rod," said God.  "Thou Art such an imbecile sometimes."

"Can't we just blame it on Lucifer?" asked Rod.

God sighed.  "Fine.  But she's not going to be happy about this."



"You told them WHAT?!" asked God to his younger brother Rod.

"That you flooded the whole world, and had Noah build an ark and put two of each animal on there."

"There are over a million species of animals, Rod!  That's not even possible!"

"Well I told them kind.  Don't worry.  Ken Ham will find a way to explain it to people once they figure out evolution."

"Wait... you DID tell them that I created a single celled organism, and then it evolved... right?!  RIGHT?!"

"I said you made Adam out of Dirt, and Eve out of Adam's rib.  It sounds so much more impressive!"

"Dammit Rod!"



"Lord!  Lord!  It's Soddam and Gommorah.  THERE ARE VAMPIRES THERE!"

"Dammit.  I told my little brother not to experiment with these things.  Now I'll have to destroy the whole place."

(Ten days later)

"Nobody is going to believe there were vampires," said Rod.  "So we'll tell them it was gay people raping angels.  Oh and we turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt."

"We did NO SUCH THING!" said God.  "Thou shalt NOT be such an idiot."

"But then how will I write my incest-fanfic where Lot has sex with his two hot daughters?"

"This incest fetish is quite disturbing Rod.  Quite disturbing indeed."

[dyresand]

Can we invent new, more interesting characters?

That's what im working on