Help to de-convert!

[The Grand Nudger]

Please can I get some ideas as to how I might be able to de-convert him?

There's no need, no point, and no use to that.  Either you hold to him, as he is..or you decide that you'd rather not.  It's your call either way, but this grooming of men business......it'll end in tears.

[bennyboy]

Breaking free from religion and staying away requires a very strong will, it's something like quitting drugs. It's next to impossible to have someone quit just through talks, rather they need some personal motivation and lots of support. As I see it, if you truly want to be with him you have to make a compromise for now and give him time. He most likely went that route because he was alone and vulnerable, so if you move away he'll only get pulled in deeper. Many atheists are in loving relationship with theists and are making it work. Don't push him away, rather have patience and hold onto him with lots of love. It'll take time, maybe years, but slowly you can make him see logic and reason again. Keep trying!

She may not HAVE many years.  Does she want to spend her remaining time on Earth listening to some fucker drone on about Jesus every day?

[Minimalist]

He has decided that fantasy is preferable to reality.   You cannot change him.  You can only change yourself.

[PETE_ROSE]

Sounds like you are in a tough spot. I can only offer that your man likely finds himself in the exact position you are in on the other side of the coin. Moreover, from his perspective he may likely conclude that the two of you will not be together in eternity. This can be very disheartening when a believer in Christ finds themselves unequally yoked.

I can merely suggest when the conversation no longer produces fruit or turns septic, for both parties to remind themselves of what attracted them to the other in the first place. It sounds as if you two had a beautiful relationship prior.

So many others are not fortunate to have a significant other to share this life with. You are one of the lucky ones!

Why not shelve the issue at hand for a time and reflect upon your love for each other? This life is very short, most of us much closer to the end than the beginning. I encourage you both to love on each other and enjoy the others company today.

[Aroura]

Sorry to hear that JoJoP. You could try the Socratic method of questioning. Don't tell him that his beliefs are wrong, just ask questions that reveal how illogical they are. The problem is that people start with questions and then stop when they find answers that they are happy with. But they stop too early and ignore further questions which would reveal that they have the wrong answer.

If you do this without being emotional, or getting aggressive, no matter how ludicrous his beliefs sound to you, then he won't become defensive and stop listening. You won't get him to change his beliefs from such a conversation, but you may plant seeds of doubt in his head.

^ This.

My husband deconverted me with this.  I wasn't deeply religious at the time, but it still helped me.

The problem is, it takes a lot of time and patience.  And with your current illness, it may be beyond you.  

I'm sorry to hear about all of your issues, Jojop, and wish you the best though!

[brewer]

My wife is catholic however we don't let religion define our relationship. If it defines yours there may be little hope.

The others have provided more advice/suggestions than I could. I agree with most.

My flippant response would be: Become a Scientologist and see how he likes it.

[PETE_ROSE]

My wife is catholic however we don't let religion define our relationship. If it defines yours there may be little hope.

The others have provided more advice/suggestions than I could. I agree with most.

My flippant response would be: Become a Scientologist and see how he likes it.

I just spewed my coffe all over the table! That was funny.

[Fake Messiah]

Yes if they would listen. Maybe you'll talk to him and he'll get to upset and stop the conversation only to think about it for some time and then later come back at you with new "arguments" which you could easily topple.
Maybe you could just say "OK if you're so religious that means no more sex, because sex for unmarried is forbidden in xtiandom"

But when it comes to documentaries I would recommend "A Journey to Planet Sanity" (2013) it is a light documentary that goes head on against superstitious beliefs, but not religion itself, so he may find himself enjoying it and then at the end starting to question his beliefs little bit. Then you can proceed with "Secrets of the Psychics" which is similar documentary like the last one, but more serious and it doesn't tackle religion directly. Then maybe you could make him read book "Flim-Flam! Psychics, ESP, Unicorns, and Other Delusions" which goes more deeply into explaining why superstitions don't work and even tackles religion.
After that he could maybe proceed to Carl Sagan's "Daemon Haunted World" and then Dawkins' "God Delusion".

If he takes all those steps he will be an atheist, but then you have to maintain it. Maybe by reading science books to see how people developed these theories of how the world functions and how we put them in use.

[GrandizerII]

Yes if they would listen. Maybe you'll talk to him and he'll get to upset and stop the conversation only to think about it for some time and then later come back at you with new "arguments" which you could easily topple.
Maybe you could just say "OK if you're so religious that means no more sex, because sex for unmarried is forbidden in xtiandom"

But when it comes to documentaries I would recommend "A Journey to Planet Sanity" (2013) it is a light documentary that goes head on against superstitious beliefs, but not religion itself, so he may find himself enjoying it and then at the end starting to question his beliefs little bit. Then you can proceed with "Secrets of the Psychics" which is similar documentary like the last one, but more serious and it doesn't tackle religion directly. Then maybe you could make him read book "Flim-Flam! Psychics, ESP, Unicorns, and Other Delusions" which goes more deeply into explaining why superstitions don't work and even tackles religion.
After that he could maybe proceed to Carl Sagan's "Daemon Haunted World" and then Dawkins' "God Delusion".

If he takes all those steps he will be an atheist, but then you have to maintain it. Maybe by reading science books to see how people developed these theories of how the world functions and how we put them in use.

Do you guys really think this is such a great idea?

Why the emphasis on his beliefs anyway? There's more to a happy relationship/bond than anything to do with religious beliefs.

My partner is semi-religious. And she knows I'm a full on atheist. We don't make it such a big deal, though. She believes and worships God. Good for her. I don't care that she does. She's still someone I enjoy being with and have good bond with regardless.

[RozKek]

Hey all...

I have been with my bloke for 4 years...when we got together he had no set beliefs, just that a higher power/universe type thing was out there. When we talked about religion he never showed interest in christianity or jesus, in fact he thought it was a load of rubbish but was respectful of people's beliefs as he had some Christian friends...

Last year I was diagnosed with cancer and I guess that because he has remained what he would call spiritual, he sought solace from a local church that his friends go to.

And guess what? He's now been brainwashed into believing 'god' created the universe, that jesus died for his sins and he has a personal relationship with him.

I literally couldn't hate religion any more than I do, I feel such a deep disgust towards it, and in particular christianity, I know it is wrong and untrue to my very core. 

I just can't believe they've got their claws into him, this one particular self righteous egotistical twat must be thanking jesus that he's finally converted him because he used to try regularly. 

My boyfriend even did the fucking alpha course!

He is a very vulnerable person with a lot of shit in his past and I guess the stage 3 cancer that I had only a 50% chance of surviving pushed him over the edge. Unfortunately now I just look at him and think he's lost his intelligence and critical thinking and I'm finding it hard to reconcile my love for him and my atheist beliefs (knowldge).

It doesn't matter how logically I talk to him about his beliefs, he just won't listen. He thinks that he talks to god and hears answers when he prays, albeit one word answers and that he is filled with the holy spirit regularly. 

I really really need some help, he's not the person I fell in love with but he says that he hasn't changed and doesn't see how what he believes is hurting anyone, even though I tell him it hurts me so much. To him, 'god' is much more important than I am, I mean obviously, because he gets to go to heaven and all that shit, whereas I can only offer him a normal life in a rented 2 bed flat...except I don't make him worship and obey my narcissistic puppet master ass for the privilege of doing so!

Please can I get some ideas as to how I might be able to de-convert him? Easy to read books, sympathetic documentaries etc? Mind control techniques?! Anything that might work...I want to stay in this relationship, he is a great person who's been preyed upon by stronger people who saw his need for shelter, but if I can't get the person he used to be back I'm pretty much out of here...say what you want about the strength of love, I can't envision being in a relationship with someone who is at the complete opposite end of the religious spectrum as me and being able to make it work...

Thanks humans   

I'm sorry that you have to go through such. However, I know that it can be really mentally distressing being in the situtation you are in, in one hand there's a possibility that things go wrong, and on the other hand your SO isn't the same person he used to be, that's not very good either (for you, that is. He might be happier this way). Your way of coping is to change him back to who he used to be, his way of coping is comfort from religion. I don't want to be rude, do not misunderstand me but I don't think you should try to change him as a person, nor do I think it's entirely possible in this situtation, there isn't a religion switch in the brain.

Do everything the doc says, make sure you're ok and once you get better I think you should step by step try to relax, don't beat yourself up with your SO and see how things go from there on. If your boyfriend keeps believing in Jesus and such, I'd just let him go if if's a problem for you, even if it seems difficult, I think in the end it would be the right decision. However, if his religiousness doesn't interfere with you two as a couple i.e there's no conflict, annnoyance and such between you and him because of your different beliefs, then you should sort things out with him step by step and hope for the best.

And I apologise if my advice is quite shitty or said in the wrong manner, I haven't been in a not so fun situtaion like this, I am only trying to give a helping hand.

I hope everything goes well, goodluck.