Understanding Narcissism

[The Grand Nudger]

Yup, and as it turns out the way to stop was precisely the thing the disorder strongly suggest against - which is why it's such a tight position, why it;s persistent and destructive unless you seek out treatment, or have it thrust upon you in review.

The silver lining, for me anyway, was that the experience opened my eyes pretty damned wide as regards who I am, why I do what I do, it challenged assumptions I made about myself...and let me realize that there were things I hadn't even considered.

It made me obsessively interested in theories of mind, and I used work..just long hard hours of work...as a way to keep myself out of situations that might cause me to engage in those behaviors while I was learning to distance myself from it....and I'd like to think that I became a better trainer because of it, in a roundabout way. Before that, I was your classic lazy shit of a range NCO. Do what I say because I'm right, hooah, I know my shit back to front and you don't. Pass fail pass fail pass fail, fuck you get out of my range i don;t care whether or not you feel confident in your knowledge or that my disinterest might get you killed. This is the infantry crybaby, suck it up. Beforte that I expected to move up (and had moved up) just by "putting in the time"...and it wasn't until after my little incident that I really put in the effort required to become proficient, rather than to be able to present myself as someone who seemed proficient. I stopped being a shitbag and became an effective joe, rather than just a trigger pulling gorilla.

(it didn't pay out, btw, I never saw another promotion, no recognition came my way on account of it....- they love that hooah shit, that's how you add bars to your chevrons- but I feel good about it, so that counts for something, lol)

[Edwardo Piet]

What was that precise thing the disorder suggested against?

[The Grand Nudger]

To make an honest expression of who you are to another person, come what may.

[Edwardo Piet]

You mean express your true self as opposed to false self to someone you feel comfortable with -- and consider trustworthy enough towards -- to do so?

Hmm. I never knew falling in love with someone could cure narcissism!

[The Grand Nudger]

You mean express your true self as opposed to false self to someone you feel comfortable with -- and consider trustworthy enough towards -- to do so?

More particularly, to anyone...everyone..not just people you trust or feel comfortable with. You do need...to get hurt, to feel that, to make yourself okay with it, if you want to climb out of the hole.  There's just no reason to misrepresent yourself to people.  You can decide not to represent yourself at all rather than make shit up or embellish what it is, for whatever reason.  I mean, unless you just want to fuck with them because it's funny or they deserve it, or it might get you layed. "Hey baby, I'm an astronaut, wanna see my spaceship?".

Hmm. I never knew falling in love with someone could cure narcissism!

It can't..but we're talking about NPD, remember..not narcissism...and btw, it's difficult to fall in love woith someone if you never truly tell them who you are.  Imagine that you pull it off.  It;s a life sentence confined to the cell of your own making - now you've actually got to -be- that motherfucker you kept telling people you -were-.  What happens when she finds out you're not...and are you really so damned good at what you do that it will never happen?  Such is the internal paranoia of the afflicted....driving them..ultimately, to double and triple down on their disorder. I -narrowly- escaped that..I was desperately trying to get myself hitched to my highschool sweetheart at the time. She never knew me, I never gave her the chance to. It would have been even worse after my break. Hell, I did end up marrying my counselor, which we both agreed...long after all the subsequent tears and child I never see, that this may not have been a very good idea.

It;s best, imo, to think about love, or pursue love, if/when you have a handle on NPD, if you've been diagnosed with it. Jumping the gun on that is a recipe for misery for all parties involved. Start small..with -actual- friends, lol.

[Edwardo Piet]

More particularly, to anyone...everyone..not just people you trust or feel comfortable with.  There's just no reason to misrepresent yourself to people.  You can decide not to represent yourself at all rather than make shit up or embellish what it is, for whatever reason.

Absolutely. So are sufferers of NPD very big liars?

It can't..but we're talking about NPD, remember..not narcissism

Yep, I mean NPD.

...and btw, it's difficult to fall in love woith someone if you never truly tell them who you are.  Imagine that you pull it off.  It;s a life sentence confined to the cell of your own making - now you've actually got to -be- that motherfucker you kept telling people you -were-.  What happens when she finds out you're not...and are you really so damned good at what you do that it will never happen?  Such is the internal paranoia of the afflicted....driving them..ultimately, to double and triple down on their disorder.

Yes if you misrepresent yourself then they only love the idea of you rather than you.

[The Grand Nudger]

Absolutely. So are sufferers of NPD very big liars?

Depends on how long it's gone on unchecked, I would suppose.  A lifetime of unmitigated NPD would make a person a very practiced liar, at least.  A seriously fucking smooth operator.  A dubious honor, I think we'd agree...lol.  Trouble ofc, is that at some point they might get so good at it that -they- no longer recognize the difference between the truth of themselves and the lie...and then it's flat out fucking psychosis.  

Yes if you misrepresent yourself then they only love the idea of you rather than you.

Leading to both hearts being broken, since you (in the context of npd) also only love the "idea of you". Full disclosure, I miss shit-kicking-don't-give-a-fuck-flat out murderous rhythm...he knows it, he's still there, somewhere, but I'm better off without him. My best friend, to this day, misses him too...but only when we;re drunk and therefore not thinking clearly. He was an endless pain in the ass to the both of us and it;s to my buddies great credit that he didn;t just cut me loose...that we're still friends. I;m gonna go to the Columbus Zoo this coming month and skeez on his wife (she loves it) while our kids stare at the elephants.

[Excited Penguin]

It's like a real life game of mafia isn't it...lol.

You know, that's probably why I've never lost a game of mafia.....noobs.  I have a performance enhancing disorder, the mafia equivalent of a doper crushing the 100m.  

And when it comes to Mafia I get Narcissistic Supply from being the biggest poster and most anti-town tunnelling bastard and most difficult person to play with. I thrive on the negative attention. Totally. I mean... turtley. For realz. Innit. (Pretending to be sarcastic so no one finds me out).

Sounds like you've never played against me before I changed my game just the last time. Just ask people the sheer crazy I put them through.

[Excited Penguin]

I think using celebrities as examples of narcissism based on "weird behaviour" is tricky, because you have to remember, these are people who are almost constantly in the spotlight. Celebrities like Rihanna can't live "normal" lives because they can't go out without being mobbed by paparazzi and/or fans, who don't care about the celebrities' personal space because they're more concerned with "OMG I MET RIHANNA!!!!!!". They also face constant media speculation about what's going on in their lives, which often includes very false and spiteful rumours. If a celebrity appears self-serving or acting in a strange way, it might not necessarily be their personality, it could actually be frustration at the lack of respect for privacy and empathy that people can have for them.

And that's especially pertinent to a lot of these younger celebrities who blow up when they're teenagers, who are still finding themselves in life. It's typically the people who started their careers as teenagers, like Lindsay Lohan, Britney, Justin Bieber and others, who are the ones most likely to fly off the handle.  

Some can obviously handle the fame better than others though. I don't want to sound biased since I am a fan of Rihanna, she's not perfect, but she's kept herself together far better than a lot of others.

You know, the same excuse could be used to an extent for some people who aren't celebrities... Just saying.

[Excited Penguin]

(ah, but I'm desperately seeking kudos for that novella...so no...I haven't recovered.  I don't have a cure, can't tell people how to cure themselves.  What I've done, is just retask it and consciously build a better habit set.  There's always the chance, and frankly the fear...that I'll dive back down into the oubliette and fuck up the life I've built for myself.  I did it once before...and all it took was one really shitty day at work.)

Kudos me more and I may kudos you more

A kudos whore. Great. Right on topic.