Understanding one's anger

[Edwardo Piet]

I am pretty sure that for a lot of people (and for myself more so in the past and less so now, and progressively less so it seems) - when they get angry, they are fairly sure what they are angry about.

It seems to me that lately, whenever I get wound up, I have no clear idea what's irritating me so I'm not sure how to avoid any of it in the future.

Any idea how one's reasons for their emotions (anger in this case) can be so easily hidden to one's very self?

[fr0d0]

Anger isn't a bad thing. Understanding where it comes from could help you avoid the cause... but that's just avoidance.

[The Omnissiunt One]

I am pretty sure that for a lot of people (and for myself more so in the past and less so now, and progressively less so it seems) - when they get angry, they are fairly sure what they are angry about.

It seems to me that lately, whenever I get wound up, I have no clear idea what's irritating me so I'm not sure how to avoid any of it in the future.

Any idea how one's reasons for their emotions (anger in this case) can be so easily hidden to one's very self?

Probably it's just a build-up of small irritations in the sub-conscious, which eventually manifests itself as apparently unprovoked anger, perhaps at a particular individual, even if that person has done you no harm. You irritating twat.

[Ace Otana]

Anger is an interesting emotion. It can blind ones judgment while making them very strong.
In high school, it didn't take much to piss me off. Threw my fists about a few times and no matter how hard I punch, I never felt any pain. Though even then, despite the sheer overwhelming rage, I could never unlease it on anyone innocent to the cause of my temper. Anger is something I can easily control and today I'm almost never angry. Very happy and content. It really does take quite a bit to piss me off today.

If I was ganged up on by a violent group, anger becomes my weapon. Since it does increase your strength many times. Speed and strenght while being immune to pain for a short period of time is very useful in times of danger.
Today, it's difficult to piss me off but I can piss myself off if I wanted too. Though anger clouds your judgment, it is a powerful ally.

[lrh9]

I just peg it as a natural part of being human.

Paraphrasing from the movie Lord of War, there is a dog inside of us, one that wants to fuck all the bitches and kill all the weaker dogs.

When it happens to me I just roll with it until it fizzles out.

Maybe the best part of being human is being a dog. Maybe we're just two legged dogs.

[Entropist]

It seems to me that lately, whenever I get wound up, I have no clear idea what's irritating me so I'm not sure how to avoid any of it in the future.

Speaking from my own experience, there are times when it is the gradual buildup of several small things that accumulate that are, by themselves mildly irritating or even just trivial-- but over the course of a day or a week, those little things add up and can put me in an irritable state-- like a ship coated with barnacles. Because they are minor things (taken by themselves), they can often go by unnoticed, and when they are all taken together, the accumulation of those minor things can't be distinguished easily. You can't point to any one of those particular events and say, "That's the trigger for my anger."

Sometimes I am able, on close reflection, to pinpoint at least some of the recent events that trigger a certain state (not just anger) but it usually doesn't help anyway. I just have to endure it, knowing that eventually it will exhaust itself.

I generally try not to prevent unpleasant emotions from coming, but try not to cling to it either. But when it is too much for me, then I go to the other extreme and just wallow in it by turning to music, which, for me is a kind of catharsis, a drug even. Of course, music only deepens this feeling, intensifies it, but at the same time, it exhausts me of it. Its like vomiting-- I feel relieved afterward.

"We should have been excused from lugging a body: the burden of the self was enough." (E.M. Cioran, from The Trouble With Being Born)

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

I am pretty sure that for a lot of people (and for myself more so in the past and less so now, and progressively less so it seems) - when they get angry, they are fairly sure what they are angry about.

[/php]

That was not my training or experience as a Lifeline counselor.

We were taught that at any given moment few people can accurately identify what they are really feeling.

Anger in men is text book example: The obvious issue may have nothing to do with the anger. Road rage is a good example. the violence may have little or nothing to with the road incident,which is just trigger.

Often anger masks another emotion.In our society is not acceptable for a man to express fear or sadness,so he expresses anger,which is far more acceptable.

Angers is not an acceptable emotion for a woman to express. Fear is OK,but sadness is best. A woman will often express sadness (cry) when angry.


I'm making a distinction between authentic and 'racket feelings' The notion of 'racket emotions' is from Transactional Analysis.

A racket is the dual strategy of getting “permitted feelings,” while covering up feelings which we truly feel, but which we regard as being “not allowed”.

More technically, a racket feeling is “a familiar set of emotions, learned and enhanced during childhood, experienced in many different stress situations, and maladaptive as an adult means of problem solving”.

A racket is then a set of behaviors which originate from the childhood script rather than in here-and-now full Adult thinking, which (1) are employed as a way to manipulate the environment to match the script rather than to actually solve the problem, and (2) whose covert goal is not so much to solve the problem, as to experience these racket feelings and feel internally justified in experiencing them.

Examples of racket and racket feelings: “Why do I meet good guys who turn out to be so hurtful”, or “He always takes advantage of my goodwill”. The racket is then a set of behaviors and chosen strategies learned and practiced in childhood which in fact help to cause these feelings to be experienced. Typically this happens despite their own surface protestations and hurt feelings, out of awareness and in a way that is perceived as someone else’s fault. One covert pay-off for this racket and its feelings, might be to gain in a guilt free way, continued evidence and reinforcement for a childhood script belief that “People will always let you down”.

http://www.epsychology.us/transactional-analysis/5/

[Shell B]

Believe it or not, it can have to do with your diet, sleep patterns, lack of exercise or any number of things. Emotions don't necessarily have an emotional cause, if you know what I mean.

I would take a day to relax or something. Eat some healthy food. Go for a walk and take a long nap. I know that's not always possible, but if it is, it's worth a shot.

[parrotpirate]

It can also be a defense of sorts sometimes. When I was in school I looked like a pretty easy target, since I was never a big guy (still not). But not many people would mess with me for very long, as an Irish short fuse runs in the family. I would take shit from somebody for just so long, then it would be explosive rage. Combined with a German stubborn streak that kept me from backing down no matter how big the other guy was, made a lot of people decide not to keep at it.

[RachelSkates]

This is really interesting.

I joined a Buddhist group long ago. I quit when they started chanting and bringing religion in. I was in for the psychology, mind help.

ANYWAY- one thing I learned to do and it was very scary. I learned to look at a feeling and feel only the feeling with NO JUDGMENTS on it. So I could feel this weird vibrating feeling that I called "anger" outside the exercise, but in the exercise it was visualized and looked at. It had a tone, a colour, a consistency, but it meant nothing. Not a thing. I was able to trace it back to a time when people did not know what that feeling was. How did it come to be negative? When we realized we can't work around it? When we realized it interfered with productive thought? Is it as bad as we think it is now? How did we order society to be at a disadvantage when we are angry?

Don't laugh. I know it sounds weird on paper.

So now when I am angry I try to just grasp the feeling.......it does not matter why I am angry because the cause makes no difference as to what I do with it. And because I am a bad Buddha, my feelings always win out and envelope me like everyone else, but it's a really interesting relief when I can tap out of it and see it in a different way.