What would you do with an empty church?

[Aegon]

Smoking crater?

Fill it with bean dip and throw a huge party?


I got nothing.

My friends and I baked out a confessional in our church when we were 16. 

That also pretty much cemented my place in Hell, I think.

[dyresand]

put the crosses upside down and start santanic version of Chick-fil-a because
even though chick-fil-a is good i feel wrong if i buy it and enjoy it.

[Asmodee]

I suppose it depends on the church. I assume we're not talking about a "modern" church with the boring drywall halls where most of the church doesn't look any different than any other public building.

So let's assume we're talking about a smaller, ornate church with a small entryway leading to a large open area for "worship", with maybe a side area or two and a basement, but no boring halls. The original denomination might also be a factor, if I was feeling like an ass when I decided what to do with it. For instance, if it were originally a Pentecostal church I might turn it into a dance hall as a way of being blasphemous without "normal" people seeing it as such. If it were southern Pentecostal, maybe a poison control center. You know, for when they need a poison control center on Sunday morning because the snake-handling freaks got bitten again and realized prayer wasn't working as the seizures started.

Realistically, though, I always thought it would be cool to turn one into a home. Add a second story (maybe just "half" a second story so as you enter and look up you see the balcony with bedrooms off from it) and leave the bottom part open for parties and such. Remove the pews, turn the area behind the pulpit into a stage for DJs and such, add a permanent light show. Probably have to level the floor as I believe many slant down slightly toward the pulpit, which is then raised on a "stage". Maybe even add a bar on the stage off to one side of the pulpit and turn the altar into bar seating. Supplemented by additional stools, of course. The altar isn't usually large enough to seat people along half the stage.

I think I'd try to leave the pulpit in somehow, but being front-and-center would make the show kind of difficult to see. Ooh, if the floor is slanted you could rip the pulpit out, rip out the windows in the back, add exterior electrically controlled shutters to the side windows and turn it into a theater. A little hydraulic action on the floor and it could easily convert back and forth from theater to party place. That's getting a little silly with my money, but it would kick ass!

[Edwardo Piet]

Turn it into my music studio and ask all the religious do-gooders who wasted their money on donations to religious bullshit to "Please donate money to something more worthwhile like... me so I can afford to buy physical synths and drum kits to go along with my virtual ones. GIVE ME MONEY FOR BUYING MYSELF GEAR FOR A MUSIC STUDIO. Please. You bigoted religious sanctimonious cunts. It's thankful to me that this can't be offensive because you happen to be a hypothetical bunch of sanctimonious cunts who don't actually exist and this conversation between us is imaginary."

A dedicated music studio church is now my favourite idea

YAY!

[AceBoogie]

To OP

I would turn it into the biggest mockery of Christianity to ever be known to man. A huge parody of a Christian church. It would have to be subtle enough to fool the dumb ones into thinking it was a legitimate church. Offend the moderately intelligent ones into demanding that the blasphemous abomination be destroyed. And inform the more mentally fit into giving a knowing smirk and nod, as they would be able to appreciate the comedic value of it.

Or turn it into some religious art show, something like a Banksy show. Except it would have sculptures of naked priests holding hands with altar boys or paintings of nuns getting fucked with huge cross dildos. You know, something tame.

[Mr Greene]

I'd probably just live in it.  It would be a bigger pussy magnet than owning a nice car.  There's loads of ways to make money of space like that.  As a music venue, or I know of a church in London that was used for some fetish sex club night.

The Vatican?

Sorry, you said London.

Ah 'tis yourself Bishop Brennan...

My uncle owns one, converted to a house.
Round here we have 2 converted to playbarns, 1 converted to a pub, 1 converted to affordable housing (3 apartments) 1 converted to retirement flats 1 converted to a mosque, plus a bunch of derelicts.