Can a mistake be so big, that the one who did will never have your respect again?

[bennyboy]

If someone was driving while looking at their cell phone and ran over one of my kids-- all their tears and excuses won't save them from me if the police can't.

[fredd bear]

If someone was driving while looking at their cell phone and ran over one of my kids-- all their tears and excuses won't save them from me if the police can't.

That is a nightmare of a great many drivers.it would haunt me for the rest of my life, regardless of  consequences.

Is it forgivable?  By the  community, I think yes, going by legal penalties imposed in such cases. Here punishment seldom includes prison time. By the victim's family?  I think that's their decision alone.

There are few things I cannot forgive, in theory.

I would find it hard to forgive a loved person for suicide.

A psychologist friend once told me "Never die on your children; they'll never forgive you"

 So far,  there is only one hurt I have not been able to forgive; being betrayed by some one I loved and trusted.

I guess I would also find it hard to forgive intentionally injury to one I loved. EG: The rape/murder of a child/wife/sibling/ relative.

[notimportant1234]

You are entitled to feel the way you feel. I am not saying that you are wrong. People make mistakes. There isn't a single perfect being anywhere.

For me, there's a difference between an honest mistake, and lying to cover up something that was absolutely intentional.

You are entitled as well to feel the way you do. And I agree that there is a difference between doing an honest mistake and covering something intentional. I do see the latter as worse and I do appreciate good intentions, but I have bigger expectations from people that are both good and smart. Sure, nobody is perfect, but I do have a line when it comes to mistakes that you do not cross.

*Bold
Don't put so much emphasis on smartness, most of the time emotion overrulles intelligence, human nature is a bitch in this case.

From my point of view intentionality should be taken into account in a case like this one.

[Jackalope]

Intentionality doesn't capture gross negligence IMO, which is something I have no respect for. Otherwise yeah, intention matters. Sometimes shitty things just happen.

[Shell B]

Intention is huge, except in the course of gross negligence, as you pointed out.

[Nakara]

I’ve completely lost respect for my little sister, not for one big mistake, but a series of them. And her insistence to not take responsibility for her actions.

I still love her and want the best for her, but she has a long ways to go before I can respect her again.

[Mermaid]

Yes. Sometimes actions cause me to put up a wall and that never seems to come down. This happened with my best friend. We're still close, but there's a crack between us that will never close.

[bennyboy]

Intention is huge, except in the course of gross negligence, as you pointed out.

I'd say that it's kind of the same thing-- you have a criminal lack of intent.

As far as I'm concerned, intent or criminal lack of intent should be considered the same-- if you pick up that phone while driving, knowing that everyone, ever, recommended you not do that because you might cause grievous bodily harm or death to another citizen, then I don't think that's actually an accident. There IS intent-- to put other citizens in harm's way by reducing your capacity to protect them from a large moving object. As far as I'm concerned, that degree of disregard for the responsibilities of any sensible social contract merits the protections of the society being withdrawn from you.

At the very least, it should be aggravated homicide-- with a heavy additional sentence added because of the use of the phone. This is very different than, say, hitting someone's kid because you are distracted by some erratic driver in your rearview mirror or something.

[paulpablo]

Taken to extremes I'd say yes.  If someone accidentally killed all of close living relatives by some sort of gross negligence while driving or something like that I can't think of anything they could do to get me to feel anything apart from hate for them.


The talk about good intentions vs bad intentions, capability and forgiveness is a bit confusing unless specific examples can be given as to what you mean.

In general I find it easy to forgive people with good intentions that are very incapable and make lots of mistakes. Children at a toddlers age, without proper supervision, could make lots of big mistakes without bad intentions but I'd find it easier to forgive them in most situations I can think of than someone who has bad intentions.

I don't even know if it's considered a mistake for a person with bad intentions to do something bad, since by definition they are intending to do bad things.  For example if a person who intends to molest a child makes a mistake in what he is doing it means he will fail to molest that child, I have less respect for a child molester who successfully molests a child than I do for a person who tries to save the life of a person who wasn't even dying and ends up killing someone. 

There's probably some scenario where my feelings might be different to the situation but I don't know. Obviously people with very good intentions can make catastrophic fuck ups, but instinctively I feel I still have more respect for people with good intentions.

[GrandizerII]

If it was just a mistake, albeit a severe one, then I probably wouldn't lose respect for them. Probably. Depending on what happened exactly, I'd be really pissed and even hurt, but if it was an accident and it wasn't the result of selfish intentions masquerading as good intentions or something like that, and the person who accidentally caused harm feels just as terrible about it, then I'd probably feel sorry for them at the same time that I'm feeling anger and pain.