In support of the rage of man

[I_am_not_mafia]

Don't worry. Feminists generally also recognise that the patriarchy hurts men as well. We're fighting to make the world a better place for all genders.

With all due respect, I think that feminism is likely to limit what kinds of feelings and behaviors might be accepted in men, without much regard to the natural makeup of the male of the human species.  Essentially: "You're free to be whatever kind of man you want-- so long as you want to be the kind of man we envision in our modern society."  It's nice that this consideration is extended, but it may not be possible for all men to adapt to those standards.

Many men are also feminists.

e.g.

---

---

[bennyboy]

No doubt. I'd describe myself as a feminist in many regards. I hire predominantly female teachers, have clauses in my contracts specifically about respect for gender and orientation(I'm almost for sure the only business in Korea that has such clauses), and I very much believe that we need more women in government.

But I've also been on the receiving end of feminism. As you can guess from the nature of this thread, there are plenty of feminists who are more than happy to undermine my humanity or to demean me because of what I am. "You're a fucking asshole and I'm sorry for your poor kids" is not an attitude that I'm likely to align myself with.

This is something that many feminists don't understand-- when self-degradation is a starting-point for acceptance into a world view, it's not going to be a very healthy community.

[I_am_not_mafia]

Yeah not all feminists are nice. For example TERFs. But that anger comes from somewhere but just happens to be misdirected. People lash out randomly when hurt. My point though was that if men can be feminists and many men are, then it's not just women saying what behaviours and feelings are acceptable for men to have.

Feminism at its heart is about gender equality.

[Homeless Nutter]

From where I stand, I can't imagine that this set of people is larger than zero.  It's one thing to be deliberately aggressive-- unwanted hand on the shoulder, too-tight handshake, even getting violent just because you think you'll get what you want, and you expect to get away with it-- a lot of dick moves like that.  But to lose control of one's emotions and even behavior on purpose?  Is that even possible?  Because it seems like a paradox to me-- "I choose to lose control."[...]

I doubt many people consciously decide to lose control in the moment. It's more like a learned behavior, a habit, that one allows oneself to develop. It's kind of like crying. Very few people can actually cry on command, enjoy it, or feel good about others seeing them in such state, but if you get used to this reaction and don't develop ways to predict it and suppress it, it may become a coping mechanism, especially if it gets results.

I know that when I lose my temper, it feels pretty good - at least in comparison to silently stewing in my own stress and accepting - real, or perceived - slights. And my smug d*ckhead of a boss tends to get off my ar*se -at least temporarily - if I make a fuss. If I cared more about my job - for example if the D*ckhead paid me more - I'd probably be more motivated to remind myself to keep my mouth shut, or at least to apologize afterwards. As it stands - I allow myself to get into certain situations, that - I should know by now - will trigger my anger and harm me in the long term. Because don't really care to try and stop myself.

In my case the propensity to have outbursts of anger correlates with a few factors, like the amount of sleep I'm getting, the amount of weed I'm smoking, the amount of work I'm doing, et cetera... I'm not too bothered about my work, or relations with co-workers, but it seems that the more I get used to this kind of behavior at work, the more likely I am to fall into the same routine, when talking to people I care about.

[Belacqua]

the amount of weed I'm smoking

Just out of curiosity, does more smoking mean more anger, or less?
(You can't get it where I live, so I'm not familiar.)

[bennyboy]

I know that when I lose my temper, it feels pretty good - at least in comparison to silently stewing in my own stress and accepting - real, or perceived - slights. And my smug d*ckhead of a boss tends to get off my ar*se -at least temporarily - if I make a fuss. If I cared more about my job - for example if the D*ckhead paid me more - I'd probably be more motivated to remind myself to keep my mouth shut, or at least to apologize afterwards. As it stands - I allow myself to get into certain situations, that - I should know by now - will trigger my anger and harm me in the long term. Because don't really care to try and stop myself.

I have an Italian friend who is rage personified.  Like. . . he rages almost every day like I have a few times in my life.

People seem to accept it though.  I mean-- he coaches a girls' soccer team and he's always shouting at them at the top of his lungs.  The parents seem to like it, or at least be fine with it.  "Goddamn it look BEHIND you!  It's right there, Jeeeesus!!!!" and the kid's mom is like "Come ON Heather, let's focus!"

If that was my kid, it would be a 1:1 rage-off for sure.  But some people are so very obvious ragers that unless they actually hit someone, it seems that people DO accept it.

Now, I happen to know that he was a little kid-- all the way up to the summer of grade 9.  He was bullied, teased, and even when he was little he had a temper-- it was clearly a defense against bullying.  But suddenly he shows up at school strapped like a freaking bull-- not that tall, but barrel chested and huge arms.  And now when he lost his tempter-- well, the bullying definitely stopped.

It's ironic, though, that those who are bullied are also the most likely to be bullies.  You'd think they'd have increased empathy for those weaker than themselves, but that's not always the case.  It's almost like some kind of emotional karma-- people sending back into the Universe whatever shit was dumped on them.

[I_am_not_mafia]

the amount of weed I'm smoking

Just out of curiosity, does more smoking mean more anger, or less?
(You can't get it where I live, so I'm not familiar.)

I was wondering the same. I was assuming more weed means less aggression. That's what I personally find any way.

[bennyboy]

the amount of weed I'm smoking

Just out of curiosity, does more smoking mean more anger, or less?
(You can't get it where I live, so I'm not familiar.)

For sure, less.  You can't be smoking pot and get enraged about stuff.  You might get a little paranoid and freak out a little bit sometimes, but it's not going to be man-rage.

[Homeless Nutter]

the amount of weed I'm smoking

Just out of curiosity, does more smoking mean more anger, or less?
(You can't get it where I live, so I'm not familiar.)

It's not exactly a straight-forward correlation in my case. If I don't smoke at all I tend to get more irritable, especially if I'm having trouble sleeping - which is often, because I work at night. If I'm overdoing weed - it tends to interfere with my sleeping patterns as well, so that also makes me more "on the edge". But generally, I suffer fools a bit more easily, when I'm a little high.

---

Just out of curiosity, does more smoking mean more anger, or less?
(You can't get it where I live, so I'm not familiar.)

For sure, less.  You can't be smoking pot and get enraged about stuff.  You might get a little paranoid and freak out a little bit sometimes, but it's not going to be man-rage.

Yeah... No. I've developed enough of a tolerance, that I can sometimes fly off the handle regardless... Although I don't know if "man-rage" describes my anger, especially, that my stature is not particularly imposing... 

[Little lunch]

My last drug dealer shot another guy in the face with a bow and arrow last year and he was always stoned.