The Last Movie You Watched

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Winne the Pooh?

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, The Stupids. For the record, this is one of the few movies I had seen before I started the project, and strangely, I actually liked it, even if it was just because it was that fucking insane. Then again, that was well over a decade ago. So, I guess the only way to find out how poorly it holds up is to watch it again.

• I guess that the biggest reason I gave this movie a pass is that, for some reason, I could at least follow the Stupids' logic. Like deciding to choose chasing a garbage truck in roller skates because they have eight wheels, which he assumes gives him some sort of advantage. But then again, even with that logic, I find it hard to believe that Stanley Stupid, in his 30-some years on Earth had never seen a fucking garbage truck.
  
• One thing I did not remember is how, for some reason, their dog Kitty and their cat Xylophone are rendered using what's either janky-looking CGI or janky-looking stop-motion.
  
• In hindsight, casting Tom Arnold as someone this stupid is kind of questionable, especially given that he was diagnosed with autism as a child. Then again, the studio's first choice for the role was Jack Fucking Nicholson. Yes, really. 
  
• And now that the kids are starting this random mystery, it reminds me of Under the Silver Lake. Or, more specifically, the Redditors who keep trying to find some random codes in the movie to unlock a hidden meaning, even though, after watching that movie twice, it seems to obviously be about mocking people trying to find greater narratives in things that simply aren't there.
  
• To act like a bush, you have to think like a bush. Honestly, this scene is pretty funny, and I think maybe discovering this movie in the 2000s might have made this funnier. Even without that, it's actually funny.
  
  
  
• And then there's this random weapons deal happening in this random garbage dump. Why the fuck not? Seriously, John Landis defended this movie by claiming it was just made for ten-year-olds. And what ten-year-old is even going to follow this weapons deal subplot? I know I didn't. 
  
• I have no idea why this word processor is working like this, let alone how it's going to work in such a way that it ends up doing whatever the fuck ends up happening. I had some experience with word processors in 1996 (even if it was as a six-year-old who had just discovered Microsoft Word 95).
  
• I don't know why there's suddenly aliens in this movie, let alone how they even get that earth paper. Let alone how that story even ended up getting published when what the Stupids' alterations to the story caused the Paper's entire computer system to self-destruct. Especially with the photo.
  
• In my quest to figure out if the bodyguard was yet another movie role where Jean Reno debased himself (after all, he did Rollerball 2002 and The Last Face), I found out that it looks like Mark Metcalf appears to have revived his role as Niedermeyer from Animal House. Apparently, he faked his own fragging in Vietnam. Also, there's a bunch of random-ass cameos from movie directors, including Atom Egoyan, David Cronenberg, Robert Wise, Costa-Gavras, and, bizarrely enough, the director of my favourite film from the 1960s (or at least the one I've recommended the most times), Gillo Pontecorvo.
  
• I swear, the way they portray Stanley Stupid's time as a mailman is exactly how I imagine all those people who claim that they lost their jobs due to cancel culture were on the job.
  
• I've watched most of Cronenberg's movies, but I can't figure out for the life of me a good reference to make. Did one of his more obscure films involve work in a post office?
  
• Hi, Costa-Gavras. Sad to see you working as a gas station attendant. Shame nobody actually saw The Little Apocalypse.
  
• Hey, Robert Wise, remind me to ask you what the fuck you were thinking with Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
  
• And from what I can recall, this is easily one of the few moments people actually like. If not, they probably should, because Christopher Lee's suitably over the top:
  
  
  
• Huh. What kind of museum includes both a planetarium and massive dinosaur exhibit? And why is it in the basement?
  
• Jesus fuck, this is what Egoyan did while waiting for Sweet Hereafter to hit it big?
  
• Don't clap for Jenny McCarthy's show getting canceled. It's that sort of shit that made her an anti-vaxxer with a body count. 
  
• And if Norman Jewison had this little control over his productions, it's a wonder Hurricane worked as well as it did.
  
• Goddammit, Gillo Pontecorvo. No wonder you didn't make any movies for the previous 17 movies if you're doing this horseshit.
  
• And somehow, they already had a backing track to "My Own Grandpa."
  
• And in lieu of that, he makes the audience into this: 
  
  
  
• Make Stupidia a sovereign nation. Maybe populate it with sovereign citizens!
  
• Did they need to include a flashback to Lloyd complaining about people leaving their gum anywhere? It happened like 15 minutes ago.
  
• A single pump with a pneumatic pump is enough to perfectly cut a watermelon into four pieces. Why not?
  

Next week, I think it's going to be Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse. And I've noticed I'm running low on Deep Hurting Project movies for Tubi. I guess I'll just have to resort to whatever shit movies were uploaded to YouTube like when I was under lockdown.

[Fake Messiah]

Flipped (2010)
I guess this movie is more about the things that are not in the movie. Like, although it is a (teen) drama set in the 50s suburbia, there are no bullies, no lynching, no pedophilia, no antisemitism, no back alley abortions, no repressed homosexuals, no cold war hysteria, no killer clowns chasing kids, no abusive parents.

The premise of the movie is that a girl falls in love with a boy and he has problems expressing his feelings because he is immature and still shy about those things, and we can see it is because his dad is making him feel uncomfortable with his cynical remarks.

[Fake Messiah]

The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

The close-ups of Tom Hanks smiling reveal his brownish teeth which, to be honest, I appreciate because actors could just be normal people. Back when Hanks was one of us, unlike now when he is spending time on yachts with presidents.

And he was still acting - navigating between drama and comedy to entertain us.

And, interestingly, the movie is kind of about wokeism but then it falls apart in the last 35 mins.

[Gwaithmir]

[Gawdzilla Sama]

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Britannic

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse. I think I watched the first one two Shark Weeks ago, and I decided to look at the sequel now because I'm not sure if Tubi's supply of So Bad It's Horrible movies will last until this year's Shark Week.

• Wow. Their budget actually expanded beyond just that one tiny lake from the last movie. But not enough to buy the rights to a better looking T-Rex walk cycle.
  
• A lot of the guys are going to be looking at the bikini babe who's swimming, but I'm sure that if Huggy Bear watches this movie, he'll be ogling that sea snake.
  
• I don't know what model that Canon camera is, but somehow, either it doesn't shoot 4K or they spent a bizarrely high portion of the budget on this random prop.
  
• Oh yeah, I can totally believe that the guy with the obviously affected Sea Dog voice, unlit pipe, and a hat I'm almost certain he bought at a Yacht Rock Revue concert really runs this marina.
  
• So, these special agents are babysitting a fucking shark?
  
• And it's nice to see Yacht Rock Revue Guy back in the movie, even if it is to be kind of cavalier about the potential Jaws situation on his hand.
  
• That shark looks like Timothy Spall reincarnated as a shark.
  
• Wow. That girl's just balancing a bunch of pebbles on her ass.
  
• You know, dude, you might actually get some better shots if you actually got the ladies you shoot to agree with you. Like this guy.
  
  
  Honestly, if I actually believed in God, I'd say this guy was doing His work.
• Wait, this is the same body of water from the original? Seriously? That was, like, a pond, and this time, it's a larger body of water.
  
• Are these two plots going to actually intersect?  It's been a third of the way and I can barely see any sign of them intersecting. I mean, technically, there's these two guys looking to strike it rich by finding the stolen painting from the last movie, which happened to include a giant shark, and these two secret agents trying to track what may or may not be that same giant shark.
  
• My god, someone put a red filter on that underwater shot!
  
• Okay, these scenes of life on the oil rig are annoying enough that I found myself waiting for a runaway pipe. And looking for some video that explained what exactly happened to Jan in Breaking the Waves to render him quadraplegic. And the only videos I could find of that scene are either full movie uploads or slightly cut uploads dubbed into Russian.
  
• Shifts are days long on this marina? And conditions are evidently bad enough that the sight of a shark fin will make people jump into the water, even if they own it. 
  
• I would say something like "if you're dead, can I take your Yacht Rock Revue hat?" but it looks like they'll open for Kenny Loggins at next year's Ravinia Festival, and I'll probably get mine then.
  
• You know, funny thing is I just watched Nope last night, and now I find myself wishing the secret agents looking to kill the shark had the idea of feeding it a giant balloon. Then again, I suspect that the shark in this movie is likely a little smarter than Jean Jacket.
  
• That blood is totally believable and totally isn't just placed on that guy's arm and that plastic sword.
  
• Sharks can smell blood, but somehow, I get the impression that has to be in the water for them to smell it. 
  
• Is that a slow, moody instrumental cover of "It's a Shpadoinkle Day"?
  
• Actually, some sharks do lay eggs. And they look more like creepy looking luggage tags than anything else.
  
• And way to ruin the tension with an obvious stock music sting that I've heard in a couple hundred YouTube videos:
  
  
  Then again, Gordy's massacre in Nope had the one set of stock monkey noises I've heard a billion times before.
• So, they didn't even bother to include the guys from the marina in the second half of the movie. 
  

You know what, for Gordy's sake, next week's Deep Hurting Project will be Amazing Ape.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Lesbian Vampire Killers"

[Gawdzilla Sama]

EEGAH!!

[Gwaithmir]