Random Humorous Things - A Light-Hearted Thread

[Rev. Rye]

Evidently, the cops who investigated Elliott Smith’s death are still finding work.

[Rev. Rye]

And here's how to do it on Irfanview. It's free, and it's probably perfect for something this lo-fi. 

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Step 1 — Resize (Low-Res Look)

1. Go to Image → Resize/Resample…
   
2. Set Width = 500 px (keep aspect ratio checked)
   
3. Click OK
   
4. Then resize again back to your desired display size (e.g. 1200 px wide)
   

➡️ This creates the low-resolution softness typical of 2000s webcam or digital camera shots.

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Step 2 — Blur

1. Go to Image → Effects → Blur
   
2. Click it 2 times (or 3 for a softer look)
   

➡️ Softens the details like an airbrushed portrait.

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Step 3 — Color Boost (the “Viper” Saturation)

1. Press Shift + G to open Color Corrections
   
2. Use these slider settings:
   Brightness: +10
   Contrast: +20
   Gamma correction: 1.05
   Saturation: +45
   Red: +5
   Green: 0
   Blue: -5
   
3. Click OK
   

➡️ This gives you that vivid, slightly warm tone and extra contrast. (Note: I added "convert to greyscale" for this one)

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Step 4 — Harsh Flash Lighting

1. Go to Image → Effects → Sharpen
   
2. Apply once only (light sharpening)
   
3. Optional: Open Color Corrections (Shift+G) again and raise Brightness another +5 to +10
   

➡️ Simulates a flash directly on the subject’s face.

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Step 5 — Text (Album & Artist Name)

1. Press F12 to open the Paint dialog (Note: I used Edit---> "Open Paint Dialog" instead)
   
2. Select the Text tool (A)
   
3. Font: Arial Black or Times New Roman Bold
   
4. Size: 48–72 pt (depending on image) (Note: I ended up using 36 Pt for size reasons)
   
5. Color: White (Note: I used Gold, hex value: ffd700)
   
6. Optional shadow:
   • Type the text again in black, slightly lower and to the right for a “fake shadow.” (I found it easier to do the shadow layer first)
     
7. Placement: (Do I really have to explain that I didn't do this step verbatim?)
   • Top: “You’ll Cowards Don’t Even Smoke Crack”
     
   • Bottom: “Viper”
     

➡️ This text layout is part of the signature look.

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Step 6 — Optional Glow
If you want that surreal “soft halo” glow:

1. Save a copy of your edited image (
   File → Save As → glow_temp.jpg
2. Open that copy
   
3. Image → Effects → Blur 3–5 times
   
4. Image → Color Corrections (Shift+G)
   • Increase Brightness: +30
     
   • Increase Contrast: +20
     
5. Save as
   glow_layer.jpg
6. Open your original again → Image → Overlay image… → choose (Note: It's actually Edit --> Insert Overlay Image.)
   glow_layer.jpg
   • Set Transparency to ~70%
     
   • Click OK
     

➡️ Soft glowing aura effect.

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Step 7 — Final Compression (JPEG Artifacts)

1. Go to File → Save As
   
2. Choose JPEG (.jpg)
   
3. Set Save quality = 45%
   
4. Click OK
   

➡️ Gives that classic compressed, grainy, lo-fi feel.

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[A. Secular Human]

..WTF?

[Thumpalumpacus]

Evidently, the cops who investigated Elliott Smith’s death are still finding work.

I'm struggling to find the humor.

[Rev. Rye]

Evidently, the cops who investigated Elliott Smith’s death are still finding work.

I'm struggling to find the humor.

The Elliott Smith reference or the Onion video about a bunch of ridiculously incompetent cops?

If it’s the Elliott Smith reference, just unhide this:

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Elliott Smith is a famous singer-songwriter famous for moody songs. On 1 October 2003, he died. The commonly accepted verdict is that he killed himself. He was mentally ill, with a history of suicidal ideation. However, there’s a major problem with this narrative: the wounds don’t align with suicide at all. Notably, he stabbed himself twice in the heart with no hesitation wounds (universal in this kind of suicide) He also stabbed himself through his shirt, which, from my research, never seems to happen in cases where one dies like this. 

It should also be noted that his girlfriend/unofficial manager/heroin supplier at the time, Jennifer Chiba, was in the middle of an argument with him at the time. In addition, her fingerprints were all over the murder weapon, though she says it was only because she pulled it out. It should be noted that, in her non-Elliott life, she was an art therapist and had gone through first aid training and would almost certainly have known that doing so would have made everything worse. She lawyered up, left the country a few days after Elliott’s death.

And somehow, the narrative became “he killed himself” despite the circumstances making even less sense than Jeffrey Epstein’s. Somehow-er, it’s taken a music journalist whose home base is Tumblr to do a lot of the work that the LAPD should have done decades ago.

https://www.tumblr.com/justiceforelliott...ut-elliott

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[Rev. Rye]

..WTF?

This:





Plus this:





Equals this:



Or, for that matter, this:

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

This just in: Trump blames Biden for having Don, Jr.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

This just in: Trump blames Biden for having Don, Jr.

Boru

Breaking News:

Donald Trump has signed an executive order renaming the San Andreas fault to Biden's Fault.