did you ever truly believe?

[Napoléon]

I've never truly believed no. But I have 'believed' in a god simply through lack of thought.

[MarkOfEnglandshire]

I believed for most of my life and only recently, about 6 months ago, deconverted from Christianity after doing a good bit of thinking, reading, and arguing. I can tell you that I absolutely believed in it whole heartedly. I believed that the Bible was the word of God, etc the whole nine yards really.

I will tell you that it feels a lot different to not believe. I don't feel a sense of duality like I used to. I felt that there was more than one realm/reality in a sense because of the spiritual aspect. I would pray a lot to so I never truly felt COMPLETELY alone until very recently.

One experience that I remember very well is going on a walk and for the first time in my life actually feeling like I was completely alone. It wasn't a sad thing but it was just weird. Now I rather like the feeling because I go to sleep relatively carefree and don't fear death as much either.

The one thing that I am having to deal with though is when I believed I had a definite and defined goal/purpose. I was going to try and evangelize to a lot of people in my life and really work hard to do what I believed was right. I was going to do something big in my life, so I planned, to get it done too. When I lost my faith that all changed and my life path wasn't as certain anymore.

All in all I am still dealing with some aspects of losing my faith but hey having your entire reality unravel before you 6 months ago usually requires some recovery time I do miss that sense of absolute/idealistic purpose. However not being worried about people suffering forever VASTLY outweighs that set purpose.

The biggest difference between now and then I think is I know that I am now truly free. I am no longer living in a prison/fear trying to live up to the standards of a deity. Even scripture shows that while freedom from sin occurs you become "slaves to Christ".

I am happy to be a free man.

I love the fact that life is a one off and i dont get a re-do or have a safty net. Makes me respect life and make the most of it. Im much happier now knowing there is no afterlife

[Voltair]

If there is a Valhalla or medieval fantasy style afterlife though... I am IN.

[Nebuloso]

I don't think I ever truly believed. The earliest memories I have are when I was 4. At that age I think I just believed what I was told without really seeing a need to question it. I remember around 6 or 7 I really started to question god. After all, I did find out I was lied to about Santa Clause. I remember questioning god but I was almost afraid to go too in depth in thought because of the fear of hell. I think I was just taking the 'just in case' route. After that I just kind of went along with it because everyone else did. Around 15 is when I really started to rationalize god and finally completely rejected the idea.

[eseernosam]

I don't feel a sense of duality like I used to.

I know exactly what you mean Voltair. I used to believe. I always had such a hard time because I loved science and math. I had to compartmentalize the various aspects of my life and thoughts. In the church, they taught you were only truly able to be yourself "in christ." (whatever the fuck that means) Now I know the opposite to be true.

I don't have anything holding me back. I can be myself completely. I can ponder things I would avoid as a christian. Most of all, I don't have to be two people, I can be one free individual.

[Mister Agenda]

Would probably still be a believer except for reading the Bible and having sciencey tendencies. When everyone, absolutely everyone around you believes something and takes it as a matter of fact, it's natural to accept it until something jolts you out of the paradigm. In some charismatic churches, like the ones I was raised in, god talk is constant...you're soaking in it.

[eseernosam]

Would probably still be a believer except for reading the Bible and having sciencey tendencies. When everyone, absolutely everyone around you believes something and takes it as a matter of fact, it's natural to accept it until something jolts you out of the paradigm. In some charismatic churches, like the ones I was raised in, god talk is constant...you're soaking in it.

Exactly. I live in the Bible belt myself, fuckin' brutal man. It's everywhere.

[zip_ster]

I went along with a lot of it, because of living in the Bible belt as well. But then once in a while I also felt a presence as I was praying. I now think I was putting myself into a trance of sorts. I agree that the felt presence was much different than the Christian God. I have found the Bible to be contradictory by reading it. I have found most Christians to be irrational in many ways and sometimes hateful by observing them. Nothing could get rid of my doubts, and believe me I tried everything.

[Voltair]

ah when I said duality I meant the idea of feeling like there was some non physical presence along with the physical reality. Now I just feel the physical reality and none of the other weird shit.

[eseernosam]

Got ya.. no more spiritual world bullshit. Just reality.