How to not be desperate for a gf?

[kılıç_mehmet]

We'll, we have our methods. I prefer to take things slowly if I am to progress with her emotionally, even if it means starting out as good friends. It works very well. You have to think about her feelings and try not to put her in a difficult situation. I know what it's like having someone chasing after you and you don't have any feelings for her but can't tell her that because it could hurt her considerably. Tough situation. So I try to maintain some distance and allowing her the room to move and think. If she shows simple little hints for one way or the other, I'll take the hint with a smile.

Starting out as friends puts me in a difficult situation though.
I could state that on the outside I am a very cold person. You can rarely see me with a smile. Once you get to know me, I get somewhat more friendly. However careful I try to be, some girls with whom I've tried a similar method to yours, have turned out to be better friends, as I also have grown more...friendly feelings. I do not generally harbor any kinds of feelings towards women I've recently met. I generally decide that I should date one after a few talks at a friend's table. If she has certain qualities I like, I consider dating her. Then I follow my usual routine.
Either it works, or it doesn't.

I have never been chased after. There have been a single case I've chased after someone, and she has rebuked me very harshly when I picked up her purse that fell on the floor. She stated very clearly that she doesn't want me to pick up her stuff, or not even be near her. Obviously, she could have stated this via a friend, which would not put me in jeopardy in between of all the people there.
After that, I have ceased to chase after any woman.

Indeed, I also allow people some distance, but as I said, you cannot leave a flower without water too much. So I generally keep things warm with calling her and asking her out for simple things like going for a coffee. Just 20-30 minutes to let her know that you're there is enough for very early stages.

Of course we don't have to kiss in order to know that we're going that little bit further. We just....do it. From my personal experience, I've found that time and care brings the best results. Like in anything, the more time and effort the better the outcome. That's just how I see it. Women are not weak, they're quite strong and resilient but at the same time, have gentle hearts (not all but most ). When respected and given lots of care, you tend to get a lot back.

Well, here in my country, kissing is something you do after you're really serious. Like if you've been dating over a year.
I know that women are not weak, and I have experienced their gentle hearts often. As some could just not refuse my invitation, although I knew that they were probably not very interested. I generally understand that, and do not meet again.
As for receiving care, I look at things in a similar way as a transaction.
I do not want to invest things for which I've not received anything yet in return. Even if there is the possibility of receiving it back later on, I cannot take risks.

I don't care if she's a virgin or not, I'll welcome her emotionally and sexually. Also I'm not into marriage or reproduction, so unless she feels the same we should get on perfectly well.

Well, I do, friend. At least in terms of gf and all. I must have a clear conscience at all times.

She is obviously a rude, thoughtless bitch and was obviously raised without any manners. I won't lie, some women can be bloody terrible. But then again the same can be said for some men as well. They're just normal arseholes that populate the world.

Maybe she was just treated terrible by other men. Maybe she also has been in very difficult situations, where she was given care, but then suddenly put on withdrawal. This could get women to act very weird.

I have, and I can tell you, it's not nice. I was deeply in love with someone, and she felt the same for me too but just with in a few months of being out of contact with each other, she ends up in someone else's bed and pops out another man's child. We spent over 5 bloody years flirting and sending each other signals and she went and done that. Still haven't forgiven her for it, even though I said I had. Some people live to hurt and disappoint others. Apparently, she's fooled a few men and has built up a rather nasty reputation for herself as a result. Last I heard, her life is going down hill. She's smoking, drinking and taking drugs like never before. It's like she's on self destruct mode.

Friend, that is what I'm telling you. After some time, one must just write things off.
She has still endured for five years. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing.
She has done this because you have not taken the necessary steps to keep her on your side. You must sometimes take the step to let her know that she is your woman.

---

Here's the thing, women do give good advice. Men simply refuse to admit that all women aren't shallow, money-grubbers. "Be yourself" is not bad advice. Again, it beats not being yourself and having to fake it for a long time, should the relationship last. If you want a relationship where it is as easy as just giving her money and presents, go ahead and go with that. If you want something deeper, date someone who likes you just as you are.

Well, I have not said that women are shallow or money grubbers. But people have expectations. As I said, these can vary, but if you do not have these qualities, you must look somewhere else. This is what I said.
There are a lot of women who will not like you for who you are, therefore you find a person who likes you for who you are, or who you pretend to be. And pretending is a very easy thing to do. As I said, I am a full time "actor" in my life, I doubt that there was ever a genuine me down there, and I think that for the majority of the people out there.

Sure, there are some women who won't like you the way you are, are interested in money, like things more than people, but it really depends on what you want.

I guess you are that shallow to think that "not liking a person for what they are" constitutes liking only money, jewelry or presents?
It could be something as simple as not liking the same music, or not dressing alike, or not having the same religion, or different political views.
And that it generally is. Sometimes you have to pretend that you like the same bands, or change your dressing style accordingly. I have never done that, for that I'm single, and come across very few people with similar interests.

"women lie about what they want and only want successful, rich men"

Women do lie about what they want. So do men. I don't know why you are so agitated by this, though. People just have to lie. Quantity in words cannot come without lies. Quantity in money cannot come without corruption. This is the law of the world, friend.

[Ace Otana]

Starting out as friends puts me in a difficult situation though.
I could state that on the outside I am a very cold person. You can rarely see me with a smile.

Heh, right there we are complete opposites. I can't stop smiling.

I have never been chased after.

Seriously? Never played kiss chase? Where either you chase after or girls chase after you and kiss you? Never found yourself running over a field because a girl or two was chasing you? You have missed out on a lot!

There have been a single case I've chased after someone, and she has rebuked me very harshly when I picked up her purse that fell on the floor. She stated very clearly that she doesn't want me to pick up her stuff, or not even be near her. Obviously, she could have stated this via a friend, which would not put me in jeopardy in between of all the people there.
After that, I have ceased to chase after any woman.

Humpf, either you're doing something wrong or you have a nasty habit of bumping into arseholes.

Well, here in my country, kissing is something you do after you're really serious. Like if you've been dating over a year.

Seriously?! Over here you kiss someone either for fun or because you've got a bit of a crush on them. Katie threw me to the floor and laid on me. She went straight in. Took a few seconds to realise what was happening. You need to come over to Essex for a few weeks. I'm serious.

Well, I do, friend. At least in terms of gf and all. I must have a clear conscience at all times.

I have a clear conscience. I don't go around getting girls pregnant. Actually the kind of sex I get into means there is no risk of getting anyone pregnant.

She has done this because you have not taken the necessary steps to keep her on your side. You must sometimes take the step to let her know that she is your woman.

No, she done what she did because she didn't think her decisions or actions through. Perhaps she never really cared. What I will admit to, is not making the move when I had the chance too. Other than that......

[frankiej]

I hear that public masturbation attracts the ladies... especially the lady police officers.

[Gooders1002]

Well I can't offer you any advice, but your not alone, is almost imposable for me to get a person. Were I am its either there already with somebody, looks like that have been beaten with the ugly stick or not interested.

[ElDinero]

Some of you people need to learn to love yourselves a bit more. Having a girlfriend is not the purpose of life - I'm not even convinced that relationships are that clever an idea. I've been single more or less for three years now (my choice), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. I love my own company and the company of my mates, and get bored with girls very easily.

I'm always very suspicious of people saying they are 'looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend' because it seems to me that would make you more likely to settle for less. The one thing I can say is that if and when I settle on a girl, I can be absolutely certain that it's because of who they are and not because of what I want.

Get some hobbies, guys. Do you know how many wicked video games there are out there?

[Ace Otana]

Some of you people need to learn to love yourselves a bit more. Having a girlfriend is not the purpose of life - I'm not even convinced that relationships are that clever an idea. I've been single more or less for three years now (my choice), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. I love my own company and the company of my mates, and get bored with girls very easily.

I'm always very suspicious of people saying they are 'looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend' because it seems to me that would make you more likely to settle for less. The one thing I can say is that if and when I settle on a girl, I can be absolutely certain that it's because of who they are and not because of what I want.

Get some hobbies, guys. Do you know how many wicked video games there are out there?

Completely agree. More to life than relationships. I've got Battlefield 3 on my xbox! Need a hard drive for it.

Jessica is still my latest mistake and a huge lesson in love. It fucking sucks. It's not what it's cracked up to be.
Being single always seems better. You've been single for around three years? Try 23 years. Been single all my life. Stuck with sexual encounters.

[ElDinero]

Fucking brilliant, isn't it.

[5thHorseman]

Some of you people need to learn to love yourselves a bit more. Having a girlfriend is not the purpose of life - I'm not even convinced that relationships are that clever an idea. I've been single more or less for three years now (my choice), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. I love my own company and the company of my mates, and get bored with girls very easily.

I'm always very suspicious of people saying they are 'looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend' because it seems to me that would make you more likely to settle for less. The one thing I can say is that if and when I settle on a girl, I can be absolutely certain that it's because of who they are and not because of what I want.

Get some hobbies, guys. Do you know how many wicked video games there are out there?

Agreed. Some people just need something to cling onto when they're better off holding out. 3 yrs is nothing, but I think you're 100% more likely to find someone you'd consider perfect because of this attitude.

[Gooders1002]

I had null, nein, squat all my lift and that not likely to change any-time soon. Not even a sexual encounter.

[The Grand Nudger]

Jessica, what a beautiful name, "God beholds us through her". Hehehehe.