People Leave... Then What?

[Gallifrey]

Heh. Yeah. My ex ex boyfriend cheated on me. We were together for five years. It took me about 2 1/2 years to get over that one and open myself up to my last relationship. It's hard to trust when you've been cheated on, that's for damn sure.

Isn't that the truth? The one long term relationship I've been in, I was cheated on. I was incredibly lax with him beforehand, as for some reason I always thought of cheating as something that happened to other people. It was a huge slap in the face, and it shook me to my core. It's hard to fully trust anyone with monogamy after that.

I've never cheated, I just don't understand the urge. I've been propositioned many times while in a relationship, I've never even considered saying yes.

[Creed of Heresy]

Well...no, not really, actually. It doesn't really affect my ability to trust...cuz, well, I never trust implicitly. Trust must be earned. Actions mean much more to me than words. Were I with a girl, and through some means or another, I found out some guy she had had a crush on for a very long time proposed to have sex with her discreetly, and she turned him down, that would pretty much be as much proof as I could possibly expect to get that she intended to remain solely for me. And if she DID partake, so to speak, but confessed it, I would forgive her, and still trust her because despite her actions of "betrayal," she would be showing regret for it, and the emotional attachment was clearly strong enough to elicit such guilt that she felt the need to tell me which clearly means she truly cares for me. I'm not so vain as to be that guy whose woman sleeps with another man and they can't stop thinking "THIS IS WHAT SOME OTHER GUY SAW! AND SHE TOOK IT WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER!" because clearly whatever she felt for me stacked up much higher than whatever pleasure the experience brought.

I might even take it as a compliment; if she admitted to it, chances are that while there might have been some thrill in experiencing something new, clearly the talents she is more used to were far superior and she desperately wants to see if honesty will ensure she keeps it.

Personally, I DID 'cheat' on a girlfriend once but for certain reasons. She was becoming very domineering and controlling and was not respecting my desires in any context. Everything was about her, her, her. She felt herself superior to me and that being with me was a favor to me from her. I disagreed. I had sex with another girl. The other girl was far better in every respect. I dumped the stuck-up bitch, dated the other girl, stayed with her for a solid year, then parted on good terms with her when we finally realized that the spark hadn't kindled an outright flame but had still provided plenty of warmth in the time it existed.

Trust and romance are funny things.

[Aegrus]

The good news Becca is there are 7 billion people in world. Your soul mate is probably out there somewhere. Even though neither of you have a soul. The bad news is there are 7 billion people in the world. You might have a hard time sorting through enough of them to find yours.

Statistically, there's probably a good chance that there's more than one potential soul mate for everyone.

[fr0d0]

Hope you don't mind me commenting. The brick wall thing is the biggest challenge isn't it. With what life deals with you our instinct is to close down, where to be healthy we should remain open as before. Lost innocence seems to equal restricted lives.
I think it's harder for women too. If you're that type of personality that looks for a mate to provide a backbone to a family, then possessiveness is a natural desire.

[Cato]

Hope you don't mind me commenting. The brick wall thing is the biggest challenge isn't it. With what life deals with you our instinct is to close down, where to be healthy we should remain open as before. Lost innocence seems to equal restricted lives.
I think it's harder for women too. If you're that type of personality that looks for a mate to provide a backbone to a family, then possessiveness is a natural desire.

There is so much wrong with this that I'll leave my full reply until tomorrow. "Lost innocence seems to equal restricted lives." What the fuck does this mean? You watch Dr. Phil everyday, don't you?

[rexbeccarox]

Hope you don't mind me commenting. The brick wall thing is the biggest challenge isn't it. With what life deals with you our instinct is to close down, where to be healthy we should remain open as before. Lost innocence seems to equal restricted lives.
I think it's harder for women too. If you're that type of personality that looks for a mate to provide a backbone to a family, then possessiveness is a natural desire.

There is so much wrong with this that I'll leave my full reply until tomorrow. "Lost innocence seems to equal restricted lives." What the fuck does this mean? You watch Dr. Phil everyday, don't you?

Cato, I think he's talking about baggage...

Fr0d0, I'm not the type of woman who is either, a. possessive, or b. looking for a backbone. I have one of my own, thanks. Actually, it's really interesting you would make that assumption.

Nope, marriage isn't exactly a goal of mine, and I definitely don't want kids. Your point about the brick wall is a good one, though. Thanks for your reply.

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Personally, I DID 'cheat' on a girlfriend once but for certain reasons. She was becoming very domineering and controlling and was not respecting my desires in any context. Everything was about her, her, her. She felt herself superior to me and that being with me was a favor to me from her. I disagreed. I had sex with another girl.

Creed, may I ask why you didn't break up with your girlfriend instead of cheating? It sounds like your relationship was doomed anyway...

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I've never cheated, I just don't understand the urge. I've been propositioned many times while in a relationship, I've never even considered saying yes.

Yep... I'm the same way. I've never cheated, and I've never really even given cheating a thought. Also, the only cheating I know of from an ex was the one I pointed to earlier. Much like Creed's story, though, our relationship was on its way down a urinal at a campground. Yay for non-cheaters!

[Dee Dee Ramone]

Last time I was dumped, I couldn't get over it until I fell in love again. I quess there's hardly a loveless in-between period for me. I try to temper false sentiments, because otherwise these negative, depressed, nostalgic feelings bring me down.
So that means throwing away pictures, avoid certain places, music...etc.

For me, falling in love includes trusting someone. So, by the time I fall in faith in relationships is restored.

[Creed of Heresy]

You know...I've often wondered that myself, and I'll be frankly honest here; I am not entirely sure. I didn't HATE her...but...I resented her. I resented her because she knew I had a very weak self-esteem and that whatever confidence I brought to bear was often little more than bluster and facade, and she thought she could use that to take advantage of me.

I guess it was spite. Sacrificing her for myself, because she had been intending to do the same to me first. She intended to walk all over me. She DID walk all over me....and I needed something to reassure myself I wasn't a doormat.

So I found something to reassure myself of that. I found someone else. But why didn't I just plain break up with her? Ego. Always the fragile male ego.

[Violet]

I don't find trust to be hard to come by... people might forever test your trust in them. Only thing that is for certain: if you don't trust them a chance to restore themselves in your eyes, they never will... it isn't in their power.

I give strangers a chance, it's working out these days. Hasn't always, might not continue to work for me tomorrow. Were I to stop giving strangers a chance, chances are high that I would never make another friend, and surely it is an act of the gods to make 2 from that standpoint.

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I've never cheated, I just don't understand the urge. I've been propositioned many times while in a relationship, I've never even considered saying yes.

I find I can't lie about anything important, so I simply don't. I'm polyamorous, doesn't mean I should disrespect those I love for a bit of fun.

[Napoléon]

I can't give any relationship advice because I've never had a relationship.

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