Teaching Reason (to Children)

[thesummerqueen]

Yeah, museums are huge. We were lucky, raised outside of DC as we were, and we were CONSTANTLY going to science-type museums. And history.

While my parents didn't actively teach critical thinking or skepticism, my father as also a big joker and I learned quickly not to trust people's claims simply because he'd always make a silly claim and see how long he could joke with us about it. He'd put forth a theory in utter seriousness and I wouldn't believe him until I had asked mom, or several other people, to see if I could ferret out the truth. This, of course, was before the ubiquitous use of cell phones and ipads so I couldn't just "Google it!". It was the second best thing, in my eyes.

What you then have to do is talk to your kids about who is a good "authority" and why.

I think I was lucky being raised by a lawyer who had a minor in zoology, as he was careful to tell me that all arguments have "another side" but that even if people passionately argue that "other side," it doesn't mean it's necessarily true, which is where evidence comes in. The zoology part means he fed me as much biology-learnin' as he could.

[Bad Writer]

My son is just getting to that age where I can converse with him, and I plan on presenting him with some thought exercises about evidence and the burden of proof. I will never, ever tell my son that a god doesn't exist or that he can't believe in him. I only wish to give him the tools to reason properly and make his own decisions.

It sounds like one of the key philosophies is not to outright tell them that a god does or does not exist. That makes a hell of a lot of sense. I still have many bridges that have not been crossed with my daughter, simply because we have not reached them yet, but I hope to get across in the safest and most rational way possible.

[pocaracas]

Take your time.
Teach her to ask questions.. don't trust strangers... the works!
Like other have told you: figure out what she likes and shower her with information about it... she'll devour it whole!
Then, just let her ask the questions.

My eldest is into dinosaurs and sea life, mostly whales... I just keep giving him books about dinos and the sea...
The second kid is still learning to read, but I expect him to be more of an engineer.... I have a few ideas for next Christmas!
The youngest is 4, like your daughter... I just let him play... he'll mimic one or both of his brothers, so he won't be much of a problem.

[genkaus]

One of my more recent (and more-or-less ongoing) conversations with my spouse is how to raise my daughter and any future children we have. We agree on a number of things, such as education, morality, family values, discipline, and much more.

Still, there are some things that we don't always see eye-to-eye on. My wife is agnostic, leaning more towards spiritualism, whilst I am pretty much a full atheism, unable to fathom the idea that there is a supernatural anything. (What can I say? I'm a sucker for the laws of physics.)

One of my fears is that any one of my children might decide to have a belief in a higher power. I understand that this could be inevitable, considering that the rest of our family and friends are more or less religious (we have a number of Mormons and Roman Catholics to boot). All I care is that he or she grows up with an understanding of reason and that it's important to strive for truth, as well as knowing when to say, "I don't know enough, and that's okay for now".

My wife agrees with that to a point, but she's worried that I may force-feed atheism down my children's throats. This worry is not unwarranted, as I have a knack for being outspoken about my unbelief. The other worry is that my children might rebel against my determinations the same way a child would rebel against a parent's religious beliefs.

Does anyone have any insight on how to lead a child to deciding on his or her own about how to keep an open mind and use reason in answering these hard questions? I see more articles/writings/blogs out there concerned with keeping children in the faith while maintaining an atmosphere of love, as opposed to keeping children out of faith.

Also, one thing my spouse suggested was to have our children attend other churches at some point when they're searching. Well, I'm sure some of you can imagine the big red flag that went up in my head as I heard this. How do I keep this from happening too, or should I not worry about this so much?

Like others here, I can only speak from my personal experiences as a child.

Firstly, I'd say the most important thing is to teach them critical thinking. Don't try to focus their questions on religion. Answer whatever questions they have even if the answers are likely to go way above their heads. If they ask what things are made of - tell them about nuclear physics. If they ask where we come from, teach them about human reproductive system. They'd fail to understand most of it, but whatever little does get through would instill the right attitude about asking questions and seeking knowledge.

Secondly, and as it cannot be stressed enough, let them read. If science and history is not their thing, let them read stories. Don't try to keep them away from religious stories - let them read that as well. As a child, mythological stories were my favorite (some of them still are) and I used to believe wholeheartedly that they were true. Which is why the first thing I did when I started learning actual history, was to see where these stories fit in the actual timeline of the world. And when I understood that while we can map out our history in great detail and still have no place for them, I realized that they never actually happened.

Thirdly, and this may not seem directly relevant, let them build their self-esteem and be self-reliant. When people turn to religion as teenagers or adults it is not because they find religious beliefs to be compelling or true, its because they find themselves in religious company. A person with low self-esteem, someone who needs constant approval and appreciation from others, would be an easy target for anyone willing to give him that in exchange for espousing certain beliefs. Teaching them that asking questions is alright and instilling a desire for knowledge in them is a good way to do that.

[thesummerqueen]

Thirdly, and this may not seem directly relevant, let them build their self-esteem and be self-reliant. When people turn to religion as teenagers or adults it is not because they find religious beliefs to be compelling or true, its because they find themselves in religious company. A person with low self-esteem, someone who needs constant approval and appreciation from others, would be an easy target for anyone willing to give him that in exchange for espousing certain beliefs. Teaching them that asking questions is alright and instilling a desire for knowledge in them is a good way to do that.

This. Definitely this. Make sure your kids never EVER feel bad for being "smart" or "the teacher's pet" - make sure instead that they understand how to be polite, but never let them feel ashamed of being intelligent or curious. Religion seeks to stamp out questions and make people feel they should be "humble" around others to cater to their lazy or ignorant feelings. At least, Christianity does. Judaism, not so much - learning was encouraged there. Anyway, this is unacceptable and intolerable, and kids will play their own form of it in a bullying way in order to not feel bad about being dumber than the questioning kids. Don't put up with it. Don't make it about grades - grades are a byproduct and all-too important in school. Make it about them actually understanding and finding interest in a topic. The grades will follow.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

When I was growing up, lots of my friends had "overprotective parents". They would want to know about every detail of their lives and make every decision for them. My parents never did. As a kid i had much more freedom than everyone else. But my parents don't clean up my mess either. So from a very young age I didn't have the habit of running to someone else when I had to figure out something, and I never had the idea that I have to do whatever my parents wanted me to do. I knew it was ok to make my own decisions. I think that contributed to a lot of what I am today, and i think it's important for kids to get used to figuring out problems instead of expecting a clean cut answer from someone. I do a lot of tutoring these days and when kids get so used to not thinking for themselves, it's very hard for them to learn. And I think that also makes them easier to fall for superstitious beliefs.

Other than that, I read a lot as a kid. Mostly fiction. But a lot.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Does anyone have any insight on how to lead a child to deciding on his or her own about how to keep an open mind and use reason in answering these hard questions? I see more articles/writings/blogs out there concerned with keeping children in the faith while maintaining an atmosphere of love, as opposed to keeping children out of faith.

I can only tell you what my parents did, which was without the intention of producing an atheist but resulted in such nonetheless:

Give them books. Give them good kids' magazines on history and science. Encourage and foster a love of reading. Shower them with as many science books and history books as they ask for. Make that the one thing you will give them (e-books or otherwise) without reserve. If you send them to their room when they're bad, take away their toys, but don't take away their books - that's how I would get through groundings. If they're bored, make them read.

The more they read, and the more they're exposed to, the more they will realize how different cultures think and how much science HAS answered (rather than letting someone inject God into their life). At worst it will produce a liberal religious person. At best, an atheist.

I was FASCINATED by dinosaurs as a kid, and I don't know anyone that wasn't. My parents showered me with books on them. Then I became obsessed with rainforests, and they showered me with books and magazines on that and recycling. They did the same to my brother about engineering and trains. Anything your kids have an interest in, say "here's a book about it! We can talk about it too!" And incorporate them around the movies they like. Furthering the rainforest theme, I LOVED "Ferngully". So mum bought me books and magazines about rainforest animals, and I became a huge nerd about all the flora and fauna in a rainforest (aided by the computer game "The Amazon Trail" which forced you to learn about those things too).

They gave me books about greek and norse myths. They gave me books about the origins of life. There wasn't room for Judaism. I dabbled in Wicca for a while, but even that lost its luster against science.

Kindles are great for this, especially the new ones, because you could load them with as many books as you like with access to accompanying dictionaries and wikipedia for further reference. Plus the new color ones make it easy to install picture-bearing books.

Reading is truly the best gift - it will broaden their minds, expand their vocabulary, help discipline them for school, and teach them great ways to "wait" (in line, at home, etc).

Totally this. My earliest memories are of my parents reading to me and me reading myself. My mother is an atheist and my dad is a nominal Christian (although never goes to church or anything). They never spoke about religion but instead just encouraged me to read whatever took my fancy.

I think reading really developed my ability to think for myself and, importantly, understand empathy; putting myself in the other persons shoes to understand both them and their arguments, including the contexts they were developed in. Plus, reading was/is so damn fun. I wouldn't be without a book ever.

[thesummerqueen]

Things to look for if they're still around:

"Zoobooks"

"Wildlife Fact File Cards"

Dawkins put out or is putting out a kids book which sounds like it mimics the books my parents gave me as a child as well - that is, it discusses particular topics by talking about what people used to believe about thunderstorms, etc, and then tells you the science behind what it actually is.

Junior Skeptic - Dan Loxton edits this and does illustrations, and he's also helped put out books. On top of that, he's a swell guy.

Anything by National Geographic. Once your kids get to be about 8 or so, start introducing them to this - even if you think it's a little violent. They might not understand everything they read, but I guarantee you it will fascinate them. Nat Geo not only fired my imagination about so many subjects, it covered the photographer who continues to be my main source of inspiration to this day. I was able to keep and mine those magazines for all sorts of things in school. In French class, I was told to do a project on an export of France and I picked perfume, which I had a handy article on, with rich photographs, scratch and sniffs of things Cleopatra and Napoleon would have worn, and plenty of info about how many cultures operated their scent trade. It was engrossing. NG plunged me down into the depths of the oceans and took me up to the top of mountains. It plunked me into the middle of war zones, hurricane aftermath, animal poaching, habitat destruction, poverty and suffering. I learned about the art of glass making - from ancient times to now. I learned in multi-issue spreads about the history of cavemen, and the Greeks, and the mysterious and exotic Japanese. I learned about how the church covered up parts of Michaelangelo's frescoes and what happened when they were cleaned up. The thing about Nat Geo is they chock their articles FULL of info, and yet the thing that keeps you coming back is the consistently fucking AMAZING photographs that help children visualize everything they're talking about. Don't censor your kids from any of that - it's what helps make them realize there's a world outside of their relatively safe, middle class, and usually 'white' (and Christian) environment.

I'm trying to find the name of a mag I used to get back in the 90's. It was great - they not only highlighted bits of history (like female spies in the civil war) but they featured young people (kids through teens) who accomplished extraordinary or awesome things (either through smarts or through charity work). For the life of me I can't remember what it was, and haven't found it yet, but if you run across something like that, it's also great for keeping kids entertained.

Look for "girl" magazines for your daughter too - ones that focus on health of mind and body, not beauty. Magazines are a good way to tempt kids because they get to look forward to the mail arriving, and the pictures keep them reading. A lot of them focus on being multi-cultural, and this is another way to combat any religious inclinations (which are exclusionary usually) any adults might try to instill in them.

[Bad Writer]

Things to look for if they're still around:

"Zoobooks"

"Wildlife Fact File Cards"

Dawkins put out or is putting out a kids book which sounds like it mimics the books my parents gave me as a child as well - that is, it discusses particular topics by talking about what people used to believe about thunderstorms, etc, and then tells you the science behind what it actually is.

Ah yes! The Magic of Reality

I'm totally going to get that for her!

Look for "girl" magazines for your daughter too - ones that focus on health of mind and body, not beauty. Magazines are a good way to tempt kids because they get to look forward to the mail arriving, and the pictures keep them reading. A lot of them focus on being multi-cultural, and this is another way to combat any religious inclinations (which are exclusionary usually) any adults might try to instill in them.

I don't know if it helped much, but we're trying to get her away from the "Princess Phase", and the first thing we bought her to kind of help with the transition was a Dr. Barbie. ...I know, we have a long ways to go.

[thesummerqueen]

Look for "girl" magazines for your daughter too - ones that focus on health of mind and body, not beauty. Magazines are a good way to tempt kids because they get to look forward to the mail arriving, and the pictures keep them reading. A lot of them focus on being multi-cultural, and this is another way to combat any religious inclinations (which are exclusionary usually) any adults might try to instill in them.

I don't know if it helped much, but we're trying to get her away from the "Princess Phase", and the first thing we bought her to kind of help with the transition was a Dr. Barbie. ...I know, we have a long ways to go.

You know what I think is an awesome company?

American Girl.

Their books and dolls are very pro-girl - and not in the 'princess' way. You should look into them.

I know you've got a ways to go for this yet, but just because I like them so much - when I was "at that age" mom got me the driest, most clinical book EVER about body changes. By the time my sister was that age, American Girl had put out a very informative, concise, easy-to-read and friendly book discussing all the changes a girl goes through with NO shame, religion, embarrassment or admonishment involved. It was incredible, and made me like the company even more.