advice in dealing with fundamentalist inlaws praying at meals?

[Dragonetti]

I know it sucks, but since it is their house, I would just bow my head a pretend.

I do not try to force my rules on someone in their own home.

[Minimalist]

Seems like a well-placed yawn might be in order.

More polite than farting while they're praying to their silly god.

[archangle]

Hi Folks. This is my first post (from the US) and I hope this is the right place to write. I'd like your advice about my fundamentalist Christian inlaws in this country's bible belt. I'm 51, I realized I'm an atheist in my 20s, I've been married for 28 years, and I'm endured by them. I think they know my non-beliefs, but it's never talked about. (They used to think I'm a Catholic, which is how I was raised - the bastards - and /that/ was considered bad enough when I was dating. [1])

To the point, I'm sick and tired of enduring the heartfelt, earnest, and serious short prayers my wife's family does at meals when we visit them. (We visit them only 1-2x/year, thankfully.) I find them deeply offensive and repellant. For almost three decades I've been silent during these prayers, just sitting with my eyes open and passively waiting for it to end, but I'm ready to push back, and I'd love your advice on how to do this.

I like the idea of "I respect your right to have beliefs, but not necessarily the beliefs themselves'" (love the sinner, hate the sin? :-), and I don't want my wife to be to discomfited or my inlaws to feel personally attacked.

Maybe I could stand or leave the room during them (explaining why), or (at the other extreme) disrupt during the prayers, but that seems extreme, given that I'm not technically family.

Any thoughts would be helpful, thanks!

[1] My to-be mother in law told my wife that "I'd almost rather you marry a black man than a Catholic." Sweet.

maybe you can grow the fucl up and not worry about it. You married the dude, you should have known.

[Chad32]

He married her. He didn't marry her family.

[SteelCurtain]

/\/\This. You should be respectful, but that doesn't mean you have to be passive.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Since you're 51 years old you should have learned some manners by now. Do not offend someone in their own home. Eat what's put before you without whining and thank your hosts for sharing their food and time with you. You don't have to actively participate in a prayer to a deity you don't believe in. Just tell the old mother-in-law what a great cook she is and how nice it is to see them.

Personally I hate any kind of public praying at any place on any occasion. When it happens I don't go into a snit and bitch about it, I simply don't participate in it.

[Lemonvariable72]

Hi Folks. This is my first post (from the US) and I hope this is the right place to write. I'd like your advice about my fundamentalist Christian inlaws in this country's bible belt. I'm 51, I realized I'm an atheist in my 20s, I've been married for 28 years, and I'm endured by them. I think they know my non-beliefs, but it's never talked about. (They used to think I'm a Catholic, which is how I was raised - the bastards - and /that/ was considered bad enough when I was dating. [1])

To the point, I'm sick and tired of enduring the heartfelt, earnest, and serious short prayers my wife's family does at meals when we visit them. (We visit them only 1-2x/year, thankfully.) I find them deeply offensive and repellant. For almost three decades I've been silent during these prayers, just sitting with my eyes open and passively waiting for it to end, but I'm ready to push back, and I'd love your advice on how to do this.

I like the idea of "I respect your right to have beliefs, but not necessarily the beliefs themselves'" (love the sinner, hate the sin? :-), and I don't want my wife to be to discomfited or my inlaws to feel personally attacked.

Maybe I could stand or leave the room during them (explaining why), or (at the other extreme) disrupt during the prayers, but that seems extreme, given that I'm not technically family.

Any thoughts would be helpful, thanks!

[1] My to-be mother in law told my wife that "I'd almost rather you marry a black man than a Catholic." Sweet.

Usually I just say life is too short to sweat the small stuff, thats how I handle it. However you could try reciting something like this. http://americanhumanist.org/HNN/details/...-humanists

[Ravenshire]

I've got to say a thicker skin would do wonders here. It's one or two meals a year. If they were coming to your house and coercing you or your family members to participate in their ridiculous BS I'd agree with you and think a beat-down is in order. But, it's their house, their rules.

He married her. He didn't marry her family.

No. The family she's part of is part of the package though.

[Mothonis]

Never bow your head,you have a right to a disbelief,let them know that you dont wanna participate in prayer and excuse yourself.

You only married one person not The entire family.

[Elskidor]

You only married one person not The entire family.

Exactly. There is only so much you have to put up with if your wife is on the same page. They have to respect you just as much as you do them, and if this can not be done then there is nothing saying you have to endure. I've gone full years without saying a word to any of my in-laws, because of crazy crap they like to pull..I've done the same with my own side of the family even.

It isn't your fault that their religion created terrible traditions. They can suffer through their own prayer, and you can excuse yourself until afterward. That makes sense to me anyhow. Some years my in-laws will pull this loving peaceful prayer junk before a big meal and spend the rest of the meal yelling, cursing and screaming at each other. It all makes little sense to me, but what does make sense is a non-believer excusing himself from a religious prayer that doesn't concern him.

Good luck.