Ex theists: what did you believe?

[robvalue]

Thanks very much everyone for sharing your experiences. I hope it wasn't too painful for you, and my sincere condolences for the misery religion has caused you.

I can't remember much about anything my parents "taught" me, my memories start with them being shitty parents and I seem to have blocked out what happened before that. But I'm sure that if I was spoon fed it from an early age, I'd have believed it. I would have been a terror though, as I was exhaustingly curious as a child, I am told. I would have plagued them endlessly with questions. Don't know how that would have worked out!

It seems to be the general case that coming out of religion makes people feel better, although the process itself is often painful and it can leave scars. I don't think anyone is silly or gullible for believing what their parents taught them, it's only natural. We rely on them to look after us, and tell us what we need to know.

[Aroura]

Yeah, the deconversion process is painful.
I was pregnant (33 years old, first baby) when I really started going through it. It was the thought I'd lose the baby that forced my hand. When she was born, I was one of those terrified parents that checks to see if the baby is still breathing every few minutes. I barely slept for months. I realized, if she died of SIDS or something, I had to accept that I would NOT see her again in some fairy tale land. I'm not even sure how I survived some of that time, it's all a blurry haze of tears and tiredness.

I suffered some pretty severe depression for a couple of years, but now on the other side of it, I would like to say it's worth the pain to get here. Things are so much more precious and special and wonderous now.

[robvalue]

That must have been really rough, I'm sorry to hear that. You've been very brave.

It's this general trend of people being happier that provides some of my motivation for encouraging theists to think about their beliefs. It's frustrating when a grown adult is clinging to stories they must know can't be true; but I know it's the indoctrination setting up walls of defences in the mind so I don't think badly of them. They are victims, and are still slaves to their invisible abusers. I can wave the key to their shackles in their face all day long, but I'm battling cognitive dissidence and the desire to cling on to what has always been "true". That's why I try not to be pushy, and just encourage them to think about their beliefs. If they do that, I'm happy.

I remember Matt Dillahunty saying he is grateful to the atheists who took the time to talk to him and ask him questions. Do any of you have any similar experiences, and do you feel grateful to anyone for having got the ball rolling?

[Pizza]

Thanks very much everyone for sharing your experiences. I hope it wasn't too painful for you, and my sincere condolences for the misery religion has caused you.

I never had a negative experience with religion to be honest. The initial aftermath of changing my mind about something so big and personal hurt and still kind of hurts; that is, it alienates me from the majority of people in my country. I see the world radically different than most Americans. I'm not a hedonist so I can live with it.

[Aroura]

Julia Sweeny's "Letting go of God" was absolutely instrumental in my deconversion. I heard it on the radio in my mid 20's, and cried like a baby because I knew I was just one step away from being her.
My husband is an atheist, but was never pushy about it at all. He would just discuss things with me so reasonably, never bashing my beliefs at the time, not always gentle but always respectful of me as a person.

My father is technically an atheist, too. I remember it was also in my tweens I started asking my dad why he never went to church with us. He was quiet for a while, he was driving, then he said he believed that god was everything, including himself, me, and even the dashboard of the car, so he didn't feel the need to worship in a special place. I mulled this over a lot back then. It was a very odd thing to say, I thought at the time, but now I know what dad meant.

[Pyrrho]

...
I remember Matt Dillahunty saying he is grateful to the atheists who took the time to talk to him and ask him questions. Do any of you have any similar experiences, and do you feel grateful to anyone for having got the ball rolling?

No, but it would not have done much good anyway, because I was taught, like most Christians, that nonbelievers are in league with the devil and try to confuse and manipulate you.

[Salacious B. Crumb]

As a catholic, I truly believed in an all powerful white light creator energy that loved us all. I didn't pay attention too much to the bible, except for the gospels, because my brain would automatically hit the 'ignore button' when I ran across about the 100 things that didn't make sense to me in that book. When you are very catholic or raised by very catholic people, it seems that you generally don't read the bible anyway, you chant the vain, repetitious, monotonous words. I prayed to saints and mary more than jesus. I thought I was making god happy by praying these prayers already pre-worded for me. I believed in the virgin birth and the christmas and easter story.

I remember getting so much into it the last few years I believed in this stuff, and just staring up at the ceiling imagining with all of my mind who I was praying to and how good it was making me feel. I felt they were happy up in heaven too, and it just kept going around in this endless circle of loss of reality. I felt so good, because I put myself in this insane meditative state, and in that state you are so vulnerable to the feelings you have, and you think they must be some divine presence.

I woke up one day and started reading the bible, and questioning that, questioning all the evil that was going on in the world, unanswered prayers, etc. Then I realized the virgin birth isn't a christian original story, neither was the trinity, and many other things. Nothing from the bible made sense anymore, not to mention the pure evil, fantasy, and stupidity in its passages.

I always thought there is no way that I never be a christian anymore, and definitely no way that I couldn't believe in a god. Now, I can't tell you what it's like to look back on myself in the past, it's seriously one of the craziest experiences that you can ever have if you've truly believed. I know if I was raised non-religious, I would have taken one look at the bible when I was 10, and would have been laughing my ass off on the floor and saying to myself, "How could anyone believe this shit?"

I honestly call people morons for believing in this stuff nowadays, and don't have a problem calling myself a moron in the past. I think the people are more moronic, if they actually question their beliefs and look at them objectively from an outside perspective, and still believe in them. It makes sick, that everyday I have to watch family members praying for hours as their daily ritual, ignoring their families because they truly believe god is more important than their family or friends. Something I actually never believed. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach. I will be forever ashamed of myself for sticking up for one of the richest, most corrupt, criminal organizations on the planet, known as the catholic church. I hope they burn to the ground in my lifetime.