Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past

[Iroscato]

1) Because of his terrible attitude about it? Because he's acting like it's something to be ashamed of? If it's his preference, then (if he were real) he could have just broken up with the girl and gone and lived his own miserable life making sure he had a girlfriend with exactly the number of prior dicks as he liked and not come and whined about it.
2)
a. Yes, we should talk about sex more. We don't talk about it enough.
b. Clearly, according to the story presented, she didn't feel the need, and that's fine. But her not wanting to talk about it wasn't part of the narrative - the narrative is that it bothers him A WHOLE LOT but they didn't discuss it until now. That implies that she doesn't think it's a big deal, yet he is acting like it is. If it were really a big deal, he should have discussed it beforehand. If he only realizes it's a big deal now, maybe he should examine why.
c. Erm, no. There are a wide range of topics to discuss during sex. The onus is on the person who has beef with a topic to bring it up. I bring up BDSM at the start of a conversation about having sex with someone I might partner with, because it's important to me. If having a minority of dicks was important to him enough to whine about it now, perhaps he should have brought up sexual history sooner than her proving herself to be capable of bonding with him.
4) Ummmm, no I told you that I wouldn't treat a woman differently for being shitty about her sex partner. End of story. Don't like that I didn't live up to your expectations? Fucking deal with it.

Holy shit, can you at least quote me properly so I don't have to read the context of what I wrote in another window. Thanks.

1) Again, it's his opinion, let him have it. You're saying he shouldn't be ashamed? who the fuck are you to make that judgement? If some girl had this opinion of a guy I think there would be a double standards here huh? I doubt you would be upset if it was the other way around, especially with your openly feminist ideology.

2) Way to obfuscate the question. If you recall the question was, should we force people to talk about sex or topics they might be uncomfortable with? no, screw you, you may suggest it to be so, but it's not a requirement nor should it be. I'm not actually criticizing anyone other than the people telling the OP what to think and shaming him for his opinion that he wants a partner who's been with less people and I can sympathize with that. I'm saying let each person have their own opinion on relationships and fuck off. Who are you to place onus on anyone to say anything? you're too fucking stupid to realize you're siding with the woman unfairly because you're a feminist twat.

3) You ducked #3 so thanks the concession there.

4) Well being open about who you've been with and what you've done is a big deal just like being open about having Herpes or Aids is on the person who has those diseases and the onus is on us all to be open to whoever we're with, you don't have to be asked it to explain it for fuck sakes. And if he doesn't feel comfortable talking about sex, that's none of your fucking concern and my original criticism against the other radical feminist who chastised the OP is still valid.

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Again, Godslayer, you bend what is actually happening here to fit your own narrative.

The guy can want whatever he wants. If he wants a girl with a less colorful sexual history, by all means, good for him. What we were commenting about was the way he portrayed this person on the internet to a bunch of strangers, and how he waited 3 years to ask a question which has an answer that apparently is a deal breaker for him. Whether it comes up naturally or not, if the answer could easily be something you can't live with, you need to ask that question.

Dude or ma'am, you're an idiot. The OP was not slut-shaming his partner like the original feminist idiot straw manned him to be saying. The only one trying to fit a narrative is you people who for some reason think it's slut-shaming to voice your opinion that you're not okay with a partner with a long sexual history.

The girl he's talking about will never know this shit ever existed, he's the one trying to get advice from people here and a bunch of idiots shit on him. I don't necessarily agree with what he's saying but jesus fucking christ if anyone is shaming anyone it's the feminist lynch mob and SJW's here.

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 #2  If you are in more than a casual relationship this stuff should come up, especially if it is so important to a person that they can't get over it. It isn't rocket science. It is common sense. 

You're idea of should is irrelevant. We're all different in our sexuality and how we express it. I actually agreed that he should have asked earlier but he didn't, so what? He knows now and isn't okay with it, is that okay with the feminist lynch mob? is it okay that he's not okay with it? Us men desperately need the approval of those who would tell us how we should act and feel.

The OP is a troll, he's done the exact same post on several forums, not to mention the EXACT SAME replies on each thread he created. Just let the thread die...

[MJ the Skeptical]

1) Then why shame him at all, it's his fucking preference what he likes and what stories he tells, you are a moron for not accepting this.

Because the way he went about it was childish and disrespectful. If he was THAT concerned about what ever past she might have, why wait 3 years into a relationship to get bitter about it? If it was so important to his so-called "values" then I would think the subject of sexual history would have come up within the first three months of dating. If he didn't like the answer at that point, he could easily walk away and end it there. No need to think he wasted three years of either one of their time. Point is - the way he handled it was out of line and apparently his values aren't all that great if he chose to be with a woman for three years before showing any signs of concern over her past.

Like I said before - her past is her past. She doesn't live there anymore. Personally we don't have to "accept" anything. Just as he doesn't have to accept what's being said about it. And no one is a moron for that.

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Let me also add that he has made ONE post. Started ONE thread and hasn't contributed since. 79 comments and nothing from him.

Obvious troll.

1) Who cares how long he waits.

2) So what if he's bitter about it.

3) You're not looking at it from a fundamentalist theists standpoint, sex doesn't really come up for them, so of course it's not going to come up much if at all.

4) Again, like I told one of your cronies, What you think should come up is irrelevant.

5) Uh, he was contemplating leaving her, and the feminist lynch mob called him a piece of shit slut-shamer for voicing his opinion. Troll or not.

6) Out of line for you, again, context is key. You can't just enforce your personal preference on people's sex lives. You people are the only one's shaming anyone, not him.

7) Well she could have fibbed, or told a white lie, or anything, we don't know. So what is he supposed to do? force her to explain her past? what if she didn't want to until 3 years into it? You're making quote a bit of assumptions about what he should of done but not her, because none of us has the full context of what happened.

8) Her past is her past? lol so is his past his past? even if he has Aids? shouldn't he tell her that? It's directly analogous to how he feels about promiscuous partners.

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Holy shit, can you at least quote me properly so I don't have to read the context of what I wrote in another window. Thanks.

1) Again, it's his opinion, let him have it. You're saying he shouldn't be ashamed? who the fuck are you to make that judgement? If some girl had this opinion of a guy I think there would be a double standards here huh? I doubt you would be upset if it was the other way around, especially with your openly feminist ideology.

2) Way to obfuscate the question. If you recall the question was, should we force people to talk about sex or topics they might be uncomfortable with? no, screw you, you may suggest it to be so, but it's not a requirement nor should it be. I'm not actually criticizing anyone other than the people telling the OP what to think and shaming him for his opinion that he wants a partner who's been with less people and I can sympathize with that. I'm saying let each person have their own opinion on relationships and fuck off. Who are you to place onus on anyone to say anything? you're too fucking stupid to realize you're siding with the woman unfairly because you're a feminist twat.

3) You ducked #3 so thanks the concession there.

4) Well being open about who you've been with and what you've done is a big deal just like being open about having Herpes or Aids is on the person who has those diseases and the onus is on us all to be open to whoever we're with, you don't have to be asked it to explain it for fuck sakes. And if he doesn't feel comfortable talking about sex, that's none of your fucking concern and my original criticism against the other radical feminist who chastised the OP is still valid.

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Dude or ma'am, you're an idiot. The OP was not slut-shaming his partner like the original feminist idiot straw manned him to be saying. The only one trying to fit a narrative is you people who for some reason think it's slut-shaming to voice your opinion that you're not okay with a partner with a long sexual history.

The girl he's talking about will never know this shit ever existed, he's the one trying to get advice from people here and a bunch of idiots shit on him. I don't necessarily agree with what he's saying but jesus fucking christ if anyone is shaming anyone it's the feminist lynch mob and SJW's here.

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You're idea of should is irrelevant. We're all different in our sexuality and how we express it. I actually agreed that he should have asked earlier but he didn't, so what? He knows now and isn't okay with it, is that okay with the feminist lynch mob? is it okay that he's not okay with it? Us men desperately need the approval of those who would tell us how we should act and feel.

The OP is a troll, he's done the exact same post on several forums, not to mention the EXACT SAME replies on each thread he created. Just let the thread die...

I already addressed the troll aspect long ago. I don't care, the subsequent replies are still wrong.

[Iroscato]

Because the way he went about it was childish and disrespectful. If he was THAT concerned about what ever past she might have, why wait 3 years into a relationship to get bitter about it? If it was so important to his so-called "values" then I would think the subject of sexual history would have come up within the first three months of dating. If he didn't like the answer at that point, he could easily walk away and end it there. No need to think he wasted three years of either one of their time. Point is - the way he handled it was out of line and apparently his values aren't all that great if he chose to be with a woman for three years before showing any signs of concern over her past.

Like I said before - her past is her past. She doesn't live there anymore. Personally we don't have to "accept" anything. Just as he doesn't have to accept what's being said about it. And no one is a moron for that.

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Let me also add that he has made ONE post. Started ONE thread and hasn't contributed since. 79 comments and nothing from him.

Obvious troll.

1) Who cares how long he waits.

2) So what if he's bitter about it.

3) You're not looking at it from a fundamentalist theists standpoint, sex doesn't really come up for them, so of course it's not going to come up much if at all.

4) Again, like I told one of your cronies, What you think should come up is irrelevant.

5) Uh, he was contemplating leaving her, and the feminist lynch mob called him a piece of shit slut-shamer for voicing his opinion. Troll or not.

6) Out of line for you, again, context is key. You can't just enforce your personal preference on people's sex lives. You people are the only one's shaming anyone, not him.

7) Well she could have fibbed, or told a white lie, or anything, we don't know. So what is he supposed to do? force her to explain her past? what if she didn't want to until 3 years into it? You're making quote a bit of assumptions about what he should of done but not her, because none of us has the full context of what happened.

8) Her past is her past? lol so is his past his past? even if he has Aids? shouldn't he tell her that? It's directly analogous to how he feels about promiscuous partners.

Stahp.

[thesummerqueen]

Methinks thou doth protest too much...

[SteelCurtain]

No the advice has been stupid. Now that I know what she was all along, I'm not happy about it. Her ability to bond has been compromised severely, and she has devalued herself.

Sucking off 2 men in an alleyway is not what I would call being in touch with her sexuality. Do you think that's classy? Same goes for all the other depraved things she's done.

It's different for men. Women are more emotional and they get attached very quickly. But when she has sex with lots of different people, she becomes far less able to bond with a man. This is a well known fact and it's hilarious that you're arguing about it. You know it and I know it. By the way can I say that doing disgusting things in some dirty alleyway with 2 men is hardly "exploring her sexuality". that's just nasty. When are you people going to quit trying to paint a picture of such cheap acts being on a par with exploring one's sexuality? You people make me laugh. Let's call it what it is. Cheap and nasty. It's like eating mcdonalds out of a trash can and calling that "exploring my palette" or "exploring cuisine". What a hoot.

(bold mine)

Dude or ma'am, you're an idiot. The OP was not slut-shaming his partner like the original feminist idiot straw manned him to be saying. The only one trying to fit a narrative is you people who for some reason think it's slut-shaming to voice your opinion that you're not okay with a partner with a long sexual history.

The girl he's talking about will never know this shit ever existed, he's the one trying to get advice from people here and a bunch of idiots shit on him. I don't necessarily agree with what he's saying but jesus fucking christ if anyone is shaming anyone it's the feminist lynch mob and SJW's here.

So you wanna walk any of that back, asswipe? He was definitely slut shaming her. What's more, there's a term for not giving a shit about doing something that, if your loved one knew, they would be victimized. Sociopath. If my girlfriend posted my dick pics on the internet to complete strangers without my knowledge, I'm still being victimized. This is not to that degree, but the analogy stands up.

He could have said "Hey guys, my girlfriend told me she has a lot more sexual partners than I'm comfortable with, what should I do?" Instead, he gave an itemized list and then proceeded to tell us how depraved she is and how it's common knowledge that if you've had a lot of sexual partners and you're a female, you simply cannot pair bond. One doesn't look for advice from complete strangers on the internet. One looks for validation. And he barked up the wrong tree.

[Lemonvariable72]

My girlfriend and I were watching some romantic comedy the other day (not my idea, trust me), and the topic of sexual history came up. So we ended up talking about it, and it turns out that she's got quite a past.

She's 27 and here is just some of what she told me...

Her first time was when she was 17
When I asked her how many men she's had sex with she couldn't tell me but when I asked if it was over 20 (jokingly) she said oh yes, way more
The first time she did anal was at the age of 18
She has had a threesome on 3 separate occasions
She has kissed girls in clubs many times
She was a member of fetlife for a couple of years
She mentioned something about doing porn

Those are the highlights but she mentioned quite a lot of other occasions and people.

This is not OK. I've been with her for 3 years and I had no idea about any of this. I always had a feeling about her but I really didn't think it was like this. This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.

I don't really want to break up with her, but at the same time I can't imagine staying with her and being OK with this. It's going to nag away at me, I know it. I'm a firm believer that her sexual history has a lot to do with the ability to pair bond (or should I say, the inability), and I have seen enough evidence of this with my friends and their girlfriends to confirm it.

I hate to think about it as 3 years is a long time, but I guess I probably will be finishing with her, at least that's how I'm feeling right now. But I just want to get people's opinions, for what it's worth.

I think your a troll but I'm going to dive in anyway. First off the sexual history you mentioned, that's a good thing not a bad thing. To be frank the only thing you should have concerns about is a possible std or if she has a history of cheating. If does have a history of cheating then yes that means she is more likely to do it to you unfortunately if she is going to sleep around on you there isn't shit you can do and whatever you try to do to stop her will make it worse.
However you have a bigger issue here, you need to be honest with her and yourself and find out why she doesn't trust you enough to tell you these things. If you guys cannot be open and honest with each other then this relationship is already dead.