Ask a (secular) home schooler

[Aroura]

I fear I'm going to get reamed in this thread, but due to a few recent conversations here on AF, I realize now more than ever that there are HUGE misconceptions out there about home schooling.  It is so often associated with Creationists, isolation, abuse, etc.

So to address a few basics right away:

I'm a 40 year old stay-at-home-mom with a degree in computer science, and my daughter just turned 8. She attended a public school for preschool, Kinder, and 1st grade, where I volunteered heavily. In her second month of 2nd grade, I made a very hard choice, and pulled her out of public school, and now she learns at home with me. 

I am very conscious of core standardization, because she will need to test out at the end of 3rd grade in order to stay in home school.  But I don't ONLY focus on core, we do lots of other learning activities.  I'm not a fan of "unschooling", but I do let in a bit of child led learning.  She picks our science, art and social studies topics each month.  We rely a great deal on free resources, and use very little purchased curriculum. We do use a few though.

I am also very conscious, considering she is an only child, of the "socialization" issue that is so often a concern to outsiders.  This is the main reason I'm still a girl scout leader.  She gets to be part of a large group of girls (my troop is 12 girls, across 3 grade levels), on a regular basis in a organized atmosphere.  I am not in charge of meeting activities, my co-leader does that part, so I don't hover over my kid there.  Mainly, I just do the paperwork, finances, and I plan and facilitate the troops monthly outings, camps, etc.

We also have a library group we are part of, and she has playdates with friends (including 2 neighborhood boys her age) at least once a week.

My husband and other family have been very supportive of this choice.  It's hard work for me, but rewarding.  We intend to put her back in public school by 5th grade at the latest, so this isn't a permanent thing.

So, erm, any questions?

[Goosebump]

Hi again!

I know from my mother who is a part time (retired) home school coordinator that the rigours of the paper work can be daunting. Have you found any restrictions/requirements to the academic curriculum you chose for your child with your school district?

[rexbeccarox]

Aroura, I think that is amazing. I was at a gathering last night, having a chat with a couple of close friends when I brought up your... situation(? I hate that word, maybe due to that awful Jersey Shore, but I can't think of a better one in my stoned state). One of them has a twelve-year-old going through the common core stuff, and we were talking about how very strange it is. I was saying that if I had the kid and the resources, I would totally homeschool my (admittedly, imaginary) kid, have him or her involved in social groups, like the scouts (I was a GS camp counselor back in the day), and have him or her take the tests to get into a good university program if that's what they wanted.

How do you feel about the homeschooling thing? Do you enjoy it? Do you think it has a net benefit for your kid? You? Do you guys have a good working relationship?

[Aroura]

Hi again!

I know from my mother who is a part time (retired) home school coordinator that the rigours of the paper work can be daunting. Have you found any restrictions to the academic curriculum you chose for you child with you school district?

I live in Oregon, so we have extremely lax homeschooling laws.  This is a mixed bag.  I wish there was more oversight, because I see some home schoolers that basically just don't do anything (not joking, sadly), but it allows me the freedom to select curriculum based on what I think my child will do best with, and our rather modest HS budget.  We aren't even required to log hours taught!  

So, the school district really has no say in what I teach. 

I'm worried about the testing that will come at the end of next year.  Not because I don't think my kid will do well, exactly, but because of all the prep-work, paperwork (as you say, a nightmare), and well...what if I miss something big in her education?  I'm not a trained educator, so I'm relying a lot on things like Dibels and Khan Academy to make sure I'm teaching the things that will get her to pass that test.
I hate "teaching to test", and I don't really focus on it, but it's got to be in what I teach, you know?  Ah, it makes me nervous just thinking about it.

[Goosebump]

Do you have a regular visit or call from a district coordinator? Does the district touch base at all with you? I'm in NY were districts are required to oversee and provide support to homeschooling.

[Exian]

Wow, that's impressive, actually. And aren't you the stellar Harry Potter b-day parent on here? If so, even more kudos to you.

I have an only child. She's nine, so similar age, and her mother and I are separated, though we stay friends, and very much partners in this, but we're barely hanging on by skin of our teeth. So, I commend you for the time and effort you're willing and able to put into your child's education. A large part of me wishes I was able to take her education into my own hands, because its really hard to trust anybody with anything with our daughter, but, alas, life.

You've preemptively covered any questions I would have in your OP, which would mainly be geared towards her social growth (my daughter is an oddball; she goes to public schools, but has social troubles, even with her cousins. She just doesn't know how to read a room. Funny, because she's so reflective and you could never accuse her of leading an unexamined life), so that leaves me with only commendations toward your choice. As my cousins across the pond would say: Cheers!

[Aroura]

Aroura, I think that is amazing.  I was at a gathering last night, having a chat with a couple of close friends when I brought up your... situation(? I hate that word, maybe due to that awful Jersey Shore, but I can't think of a better one in my stoned state).  One of them has a twelve-year-old going through the common core stuff, and we were talking about how very strange it is. I was saying that if I had the kid and the resources, I would totally homeschool my (admittedly, imaginary) kid, have him or her involved in social groups, like the scouts (I was a GS camp counselor back in the day), and have him or her take the tests to get into a good university program if that's what they wanted.

How do you feel about the homeschooling thing?  Do you enjoy it?  Do you think it has a net benefit for your kid?  You?  Do you guys have a good working relationship?

Thanks a bunch Rebecca.   I really appreciate the support!
It's ok, situation is as good a word as any, lol

If you do have a kid someday, don't be afraid to try it!  It's daunting on the surface, but no so bad once you start doing it.

Let's see, I feel that homeschooling has been great for my kid.  She's really had a chance to excel in some areas, and to go at her own pace overall, which I think is the best part of homeschooling for her. I really hope there is a net benefit for her!  I think it's one of those things I'll be constantly gaging as we go.  But so far she's already well into 3rd grade curriculum, and she never complains on school days, she seems to enjoy what we do....so it all seems to be working well for her, so far.

We do have a good working relationship, I think.  Sometimes I lose my patience, but I have never told her she must do a things just because I say so, so she will point out if she thinks I'm being harsh or pushy, or if she thinks she needs more space or practice on something.  I beleive in treating her a bit like a little adult, so although I'm the teacher and mom and she respects that, she also respects her own reasoning and isn't afraid to tell me if she thinks I'm wrong about something.

Do I enjoy it?  That one is tougher.  Because of my anxiety thing and narcolepsy, I can get overwhelmed.  Fortunately, my husband has loosened up a bit on the "schedule" thing, and lets us enjoy the more flexible schedule that homeschooling can provide.  So if I teach for a couple hours in the morning, then require a nap, I will put in a Bill Nye video, or something we picked up at the library, or something educational (recently she wanted to learn about the American Revolution, and I found this great PBS series call Liberty's Kids), and she will eat lunch and watch that while I have a nap.  So sometimes we'll still be doing school at 4pm.  But whatever, it's working for us.

I do enjoy feeling that I'm doing the best I can for my kid.  At the same time, I know it is taking a bit of a toll on my (mental) health.  But I think it's a fair trade.

[Whateverist]

Having just taught common core for the first and last time I've got to say I think it is genius. Absolutely the best approach I've seen for middle school mathematics. Of course it is a difficult time for the kids who are transitioning midstream from one system to another. We'd have to be a whole lot more patient than we tend to be in this country to avoid that problem.

My colleagues with younger kids are in love what they see them doing. The activities seem well chosen for developing real understanding and fluency.

Of course some people will be suspicious of anything different than what they themselves experienced. But, trust me, there was never a golden age of math instruction that is at risk. Quite the opposite.


I can see advantages on both sides regarding homeschooling. Few classroom situations can compete with one on one instruction done well. It does as you say allow you to cater more to the child's own interests. I can tell you would be a good one. My sister in law is an example of how bad it can be. Best of luck and if you're feeling some butterflies that is probably for the best. Means you're taking it seriously and are ambitious.

[Aroura]

Do you have a regular visit or call from a district coordinator? Does the district touch base at all with you? I'm in NY were districts are required to oversee and provide support to homeschooling.

Nope, there is really no oversight in Oregon.  
I just had to notify the local schoolboard of my intentions, and as soon as I did, she was un-enrolled in PS and officially homeschooled.  It came as quite a shock to me, how easy that was.
The only thing Oregon requires is that homeschool children pass, (and by pass I mean above 18th percentile!) a core standardized test at the end of 3rd, 5th, 8th and 10th grades. That's it.  No one visits or calls or even sends me a questionair about what I'm doing here at home.  They do send a packet of pamphlets every few months with some local resource links in them, but the are mostly to Christian based HS groups, so I just chuck 'em in the bin, lol.

Wow, that's impressive, actually. And aren't you the stellar Harry Potter b-day parent on here? If so, even more kudos to you.

I have an only child. She's nine, so similar age, and her mother and I are separated, though we stay friends, and very much partners in this, but we're barely hanging on by skin of our teeth. So, I commend you for the time and effort you're willing and able to put into your child's education. A large part of me wishes I was able to take her education into my own hands, because its really hard to trust anybody with anything with our daughter, but, alas, life.

You've preemptively covered any questions I would have in your OP, which would mainly be geared towards her social growth (my daughter is an oddball; she goes to public schools, but has social troubles, even with her cousins. She just doesn't know how to read a room. Funny, because she's so reflective and you could never accuse her of leading an unexamined life), so that leaves me with only commendations toward your choice. As my cousins across the pond would say: Cheers!

Ha, yes, thanks.   The HP party was too much fun.  

Don't fret, so many people tell me they wish they could homeschool, too, but as you say, alas, life.  I'm lucky, in a way, to be disabled so I can stay at home and do this. Every cloud has a silver lining.  So many working parents out there are unhappy with their child's education but unable to do much about it.  IT sounds as if you and your ex are on good terms, and both care about her education.  I think that alone will make a world of difference. 

Don't worry about your daughter's social growth, she sounds like a very inwardly reflective person.  She's still very young, I'm sure she'll learn to read other people better over time.  My own sometimes misses huge social cues and it worries me, so I'm just hoping she'll grow into it.

[Aroura]

Having just taught common core for the first and last time I've got to say I think it is genius.  Absolutely the best approach I've seen for middle school mathematics.  Of course it is a difficult time for the kids who are transitioning midstream from one system to another.  We'd have to be a whole lot more patient than we tend to be in this country to avoid that problem.

My colleagues with younger kids are in love what they see them doing.  The activities seem well chosen for developing real understanding and fluency.

Of course some people will be suspicious of anything different than what they themselves experienced.  But, trust me, there was never a golden age of math instruction that is at risk.  Quite the opposite.


I can see advantages on both sides regarding homeschooling.  Few classroom situations can compete with one on one instruction done well.  It does as you say allow you to cater more to the child's own interests.  I can tell you would be a good one.  My sister in law is an example of how bad it can be.  Best of luck and if you're feeling some butterflies that is probably for the best.  Means you're taking it seriously and are ambitious.

Can I ask you a question then?
Well, a quick statement first.  I do think common core for math is great, I love that kids are learning the concepts behind the math, and not just rote memorization.  I think it's great.
Do you think Khan Academy is a good resource for home schooling, and even classrooms?  I rely a lot on it (not entirely, but a lot), and I know Khan is bringing his site into line with common core, just not sure how well he's done so.