To spank or not to spank?

[TubbyTubby]

Good to know that I shouldn't have children though...real terrible fucker, I've always wondered about that.

It was a generalisation, not directed personally. Out of interest though at what point, when your (or any) child decides to stick a fork in an electric socket, do you decide that giving them a good slap is a better deterrant than taking action to avoid it and explaining why they shouldn't do it?

I'm interested in what triggers a parent into switching between explaining/reasoning and hitting as a means of discipline. It's a wide spectrum I imagine and we all fall into it somewhere.

[The Grand Nudger]

LOL.  Step number one is to whisk them way from the situation - though I have been known to slap a hand pretty damned hard in a scenario like that, right at the moment.  A whole laundry list of things need to go wrong before spanking comes up on daddy's process flow chart of parenting.  One of those things is the effectiveness of explanation.  If that worked, then why would I spank them, and why would they have persisted in the behavior......eh?

Imagine the most ridiculous possible scenario - and that's our starting point for discussion, is that how this is going to go?  

[TubbyTubby]

Imagine the most ridiculous possible scenario - and that's our starting point for discussion, is that how this is going to go?  

If you like, I'm interested. Perhaps I've been lucky in that my kids have never been in a life or death situation and so I can't honestly say how I would react. They've never repeated an action that I've previously told them not to do though, so I've not had to reinforce the message with smacking. They disobey sometimes, "I told you to tidy your room an hour ago, what's the deal?". Then they tidy. But as for avoiding dangerous situations, we've successfully managed that without smacking them for 10 years. Like I said, perhaps I'm lucky, but then we don't have too many venomous snakes round this way.

Don't think I'm trying to come across as the perfect parent because I'm most certainly not and don't think that I'm saying you are not but I just have a bit of a thing about hitting kids. It's behaviour that I see carried over into school as they interact with other kids and it can easily be avoided.

[The Grand Nudger]

If you like, I'm interested. Perhaps I've been lucky in that my kids have never been in a life or death situation and so I can't honestly say how I would react. They've never repeated an action that I've previously told them not to do though, so I've not had to reinforce the message with smacking.

Really?  I'll trade you mine right now........and throw in whatever you need to sweeten the pot.  Ah, sweet sweet release, I can finally see it!  

They disobey sometimes, "I told you to tidy your room an hour ago, what's the deal?". Then they tidy. But as for avoiding dangerous situations, we've successfully managed that without smacking them for 10 years. Like I said, perhaps I'm lucky, but then we don't have too many venomous snakes round this way.

In the vein of sharing, and as other posters have opened up with intimate moments.....  When I was 5 or 6, I really liked snakes...I remember really liking them - alot.  I liked to pick them up, play with them.  I'd been told not too, sat in the corner, "grounded", talked too...apparently none of that worked.  So, me and mine are out digging up peanuts at the edge of the fields.....I'm mostly fucking around, not digging up peanuts (because I'm a kid, right..?) and my grandmother looks over to see me fucking around with a water moccasin.  I don't actually remember playing with the snake, I don't remember the peanuts or the cornfield - but I remember, and this is 30 years ago now - my grandmother sprinting over to me, slapping my entire arm..dragging me to the dry end edge of the ditch, de-pantsing me...and spanking the shit out of me.  Then she hugged me tighter than I can ever remember being hugged. as she was bawling.  I don't think I've ever seen her cry except that once.  Same woman that switched me for what I'd call minor infractions, same women that hit me with a belt, or her palms,  fly swatter - whatever might have been handy.  This was the hardest I can remember her hitting me, it was with her bare hand..and even so, it seemed like the least borderline-abusive punishment in memory, along that vein.  Switching me with a tiny green sapling..didn't hurt a bit...was and is, to my mind, more abusive.  She told me I had huge welts and that she'd hurt her hand.  Snakes, today, make me very uneasy.  I'm not afraid of them - I know they're not really going to hurt me, nothing to do with the snake makes me uneasy.  I just can't see one near me and not think, in the back of my mind, that my grandmother is about to beat the shit out of me.  Snakes remind me of being hit, hard..by a loved one. You have no idea how long I wondered about that.

I couldn't really remember anything but the beating, I ended up bringing it up to her once..in one of those "granny, why did you hit me" conversations that some of us have had to have as part of coming to terms with our upbringing. After having been told the story, I could remember -peanuts-, how much I hated digging them up, and the beating...still don't remember holding a snake...and yet.....

Don't think I'm trying to come across as the perfect parent because I'm most certainly not and don't think that I'm saying you are not but I just have a bit of a thing about hitting kids. It's behaviour that I see carried over into school as they interact with other kids and it can easily be avoided.

I have a bit of a thing about it too, makes me feel like a dirtbag everytime.  If it didn't, I'd be worried.  I'll add that as No. 3 on my abuse checklist. With all that said, my kids routinely ignore my "go clean your room" order....but they never have and never will get spanked for it.

[Ravenshire]

It does seem to me that those most vehemently against spanking are those who don't have (and never had) kids.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

It does seem to me that those most vehemently against spanking are those who don't have (and never had) kids.

lol, so?

Boru

[Losty]

It does seem to me that those most vehemently against spanking are those who don't have (and never had) kids.

I have 3 kids, I still think spanking is wrong

[BrokenQuill92]

I don't want my future babies to turn out like this:
http://youtu.be/am4zWElpCIw

[Jackalope]

Amongst consenting adults? Sure, spanking is fine.

Kids? I never found a need to spank mine, and I can't really imagine a situation where that would be the right tool for the job.

I always found it more productive to appeal to my son's sense of empathy rather than resort to violence.

[The Grand Nudger]

Hah, your son has empathy,  clearly my sons cruel boots will crush the burnt skulls of your progeny someday in the not so distant future!