(July 21, 2015 at 7:47 pm)Metis Wrote:(July 20, 2015 at 1:18 pm)Salacious B. Crumb Wrote: Truth or Love?
I feel I could go through life, content, without experiencing love. Of course, I’d need some friendships or acquaintances, but I don’t feel I’d need love. Love, of course, is a great thing, but it can make your life miserable, as well. I’d rather have truth, than someone pretending to love me for whatever reason. I’d rather have someone be brutally honest with me, as often as possible, as opposed to someone talking about me behind my back. I’d want to hear feedback how I could be a better person, rather than false love, like.. when people tell you that you’re amazing, but you really aren’t. They want you to hear that, in order to use you in some way. It happens too often.
I think it’s a problem, when people don’t hear the truth enough. Everyone is worried about hurting everyone else’s feelings or being politically correct, instead of trying to point out each other’s mistakes. I don’t think life should revolve around that, but when someone is doing something wrong over and over again to someone, or to multiple people, they need to hear it. Some people are narcissistic, but many people are decent, and will want to change to be a better person, so they can get along with whomever, better than before. Being kind and truthful to one another, plus common interests, and other positive personality traits, can lead to love. I don’t think that you have love without truth, not in my definition anyway.
Truth or Love.. What’s more important, and why? Force yourself to think about it, and don’t say both are equally important.
Love
Not at all to demean the importance of truth but there is a time and a place for it. Just for an arbitrary example I am a recovering anorexic and while I have been getting myself together I know I'm not the most attractive person in the world anyway, more than that with getting back into shape despite being assured I'm very slim I am constantly plagued by the idea that I'm considerably more overweight compared to everyone else, indeed it's something that I compare every time I see someone even now.
Now knowing how many self-image problems I have and what a nasty turn that has previously taken (I have previously been in hospital from complications related to malnourishment), supposing someone far better looking and slimmer did come along what would be better for my partner to tell me? That I look fine or that compared to X I look like a whale? Perhaps I do look like a whale compared to X, but taking into consideration my feelings and well-being my partner is more likely going to follow the former response.
"Saying it like it is" is important, but with everything there is a time and a place. Love involves putting your own interests aside and prioritizing someone (or something) elses instead. That's a very generous thing to do, and sometimes it's more valuable than the truth. Sometimes peoples feelings do need a good shakeup, but that doesn't always mean you have a right to or should. As in my case, you might not care if someone called you fat but if someone had done that to me a while ago I'd probably have not eaten for the next three or four days and obsessed over the criticism for several weeks afterwards.
Clearly that's not the norm, and it's not healthy either. But in either case to me it shows sometimes the truth isn't always the right thing to say, you could replace anorexic there for paranoid, ugly or any other of problems someone might have that might mean nothing to you but could be crushing to them if it was focused upon. Sometimes the right thing to say is what helps someone else get through the day, and being that empathetic, indeed loving seems more important.
You know, you make a pretty good point, except for one thing. You state:
"(I have previously been in hospital from complications related to malnourishment), supposing someone far better looking and slimmer did come along what would be better for my partner to tell me? That I look fine or that compared to X I look like a whale? Perhaps I do look like a whale compared to X"
No. No you don't look like a whale. Not if you are suffering from malnourishment. Your issue is not with someone telling you the truth, but with someone telling you an evil lie.
Trust me on this: If you are in the range of weight for your height that the AMA recommends, you are not a whale. Not even close. As far as your weight is concerned, you are totally fine if you are in the range recommended by the AMA. If you are below it, you should gain weight. You will look better for it.
Trust me on this. My wife was underweight when I married her. She gained a little weight in the first year of our marriage, which brought her up to AMA standards. She looked better for it. Too thin is bad. Anyone who tells you different is an idiot.
Now, it is possible for someone to be too fat. But that does not meant that thiner is always better.
My advice is to try to stay within the recommended weight range of the AMA. You will look great if you do, as far as weight is concerned.
So, I think you need the truth that I am telling you. Of course, I am not saying that you are wrong to want love.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
