(July 21, 2015 at 9:22 pm)Metis Wrote:(July 21, 2015 at 8:57 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: You know, you make a pretty good point, except for one thing. You state:
"(I have previously been in hospital from complications related to malnourishment), supposing someone far better looking and slimmer did come along what would be better for my partner to tell me? That I look fine or that compared to X I look like a whale? Perhaps I do look like a whale compared to X"
No. No you don't look like a whale. Not if you are suffering from malnourishment. Your issue is not with someone telling you the truth, but with someone telling you an evil lie.
Trust me on this: If you are in the range of weight for your height that the AMA recommends, you are not a whale. Not even close. As far as your weight is concerned, you are totally fine if you are in the range recommended by the AMA. If you are below it, you should gain weight. You will look better for it.
Trust me on this. My wife was underweight when I married her. She gained a little weight in the first year of our marriage, which brought her up to AMA standards. She looked better for it. Too thin is bad. Anyone who tells you different is an idiot.
Now, it is possible for someone to be too fat. But that does not meant that thiner is always better.
My advice is to try to stay within the recommended weight range of the AMA. You will look great if you do, as far as weight is concerned.
So, I think you need the truth that I am telling you. Of course, I am not saying that you are wrong to want love.
Thanks Pyrro, what you're saying does make a lot of sense. Perhaps my own example wasn't the best comparison, largely because it is (or rather should be) immediately obvious that isn't true, but it could apply to someone with depression, not being happy with how their face looks or other forms of social awkwardness which might not be easily validated or immediately obvious but just having the idea picked upon can make the problem even worse.
Okay, but often the biggest problem is that people are still believing falsehoods. If the best thing you can say about someone is that they are pretty, you really would be better off not dating that person. And the same goes for you; if you are not pretty, that is not the most important thing about a person. I know, people do discriminate based on looks, but that is because people are stupid and bad.
If my wife were in an accident and she were horribly scarred, I would still love her. I love her, not what she looks like. It is her mind that matters most. And even there, if she were to mentally deteriorate, I would love her for what she was (that is to say, for what she is presently). But that would be a worse thing, from my perspective, than if she were horribly scarred.
Still, given the bigotry (in this case, sexism) of people generally, I would rather be scarred myself than for my wife to be scarred. Men can be scarred without it having the same social impact as a woman being scarred. Think of a pirate with an eye patch, or a scar from a sword wound, and it all has a vaguely romantic and manly quality about it. But think of it on a woman, and most people seem repulsed. That is why I would rather be scarred than for my wife to be. But regardless, I would love her anyway.
(July 21, 2015 at 9:22 pm)Metis Wrote: I'm not as underweight as I was at my worst now which was some time ago, I'm still considered underweight by the BMI chart but I am on the upper side of that category and getting towards the right range. I've had a lot of help getting things together since my worst point and I probably would have gotten it sooner if I hadn't spent half my time trying to cover it up.
Trust me; you will look better in the range than below it. If you are fanatical about being thin, you can keep to the low end of the range recommended by the AMA, but you really are better looking in the range than below it.
(July 21, 2015 at 9:22 pm)Metis Wrote: I can't really argue with that, I've made the mistake of mixing up love with not being an asshole there. It's absolutely right.
I am sorry; I do not understand that.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
