Truth or Love?.. What Matters to you Most?

[Metis]

Thanks Pyrro, what you're saying does make a lot of sense. Perhaps my own example wasn't the best comparison, largely because it is (or rather should be) immediately obvious that isn't true, but it could apply to someone with depression, not being happy with how their face looks or other forms of social awkwardness which might not be easily validated or immediately obvious but just having the idea picked upon can make the problem even worse.

Okay, but often the biggest problem is that people are still believing falsehoods.  If the best thing you can say about someone is that they are pretty, you really would be better off not dating that person.  And the same goes for you; if you are not pretty, that is not the most important thing about a person.  I know, people do discriminate based on looks, but that is because people are stupid and bad.

If my wife were in an accident and she were horribly scarred, I would still love her.  I love her, not what she looks like.  It is her mind that matters most.  And even there, if she were to mentally deteriorate, I would love her for what she was (that is to say, for what she is presently).  But that would be a worse thing, from my perspective, than if she were horribly scarred.

Still, given the bigotry (in this case, sexism) of people generally, I would rather be scarred myself than for my wife to be scarred.  Men can be scarred without it having the same social impact as a woman being scarred.  Think of a pirate with an eye patch, or a scar from a sword wound, and it all has a vaguely romantic and manly quality about it.  But think of it on a woman, and most people seem repulsed.  That is why I would rather be scarred than for my wife to be.  But regardless, I would love her anyway.

I'm not as underweight as I was at my worst now which was some time ago, I'm still considered underweight by the BMI chart but I am on the upper side of that category and getting towards the right range. I've had a lot of help getting things together since my worst point and I probably would have gotten it sooner if I hadn't spent half my time trying to cover it up.

Trust me; you will look better in the range than below it.  If you are fanatical about being thin, you can keep to the low end of the range recommended by the AMA, but you really are better looking in the range than below it.

I can't really argue with that, I've made the mistake of mixing up love with not being an asshole there. It's absolutely right.

I am sorry; I do not understand that.

Sorry, I meant I agreed with what you said above. You changed my mind on the subject since the main examples I used were with people who had some form of delusion causing them problems being further fulled by falsehoods, not the truth per say which I initially thought.

Your wife is lucky to have someone like you And I know you're right about the weight range, it is silly because on a sensible level I know it's more important to be healthy on another less enlightened level I still feel envious of individuals who are or who I think are even skinnier than me, even though I know some of them are ill and live on little more than cigarettes and diet Pepsi.

It is weird about the scars, it doesn't make any sense really, a scar is a deformity that should be no less impactful on a man or a woman and yet upon the latter it's far less tolerable. I can only assume it must have something to do with the intense pressure to conform to an ideal of beauty which most men don't seem to feel, and to not be or not able to live up to it suggesting one is damaged. I don't get it either, even though as awful as it is I think it myself; I'd probably not think twice seeing a scar on a mans face but I'd probably look closer at a woman with one and yet it makes no sense why I would.