Feeling pretty gutted

[MTL]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses.

It is more complicated than simply cutting her out of my life,
because frankly I would have done so, years ago, if I had been in a position to do so.

But my situation is such that my decision will impact innocent parties,
as well as my own prospects.

For now, I am effectively trapped,
and must live with the uncertainty of the influence she might potentially exert over my situation.

I COULD free myself....sure I could.

If you're willing to make a big enough sacrifice, you can free yourself from almost any situation.

As I say, the sacrifice just has to be big enough.

If you're the guy pinned under the boulder by your right arm,
you can escape...if you're willing to cut that arm off.

I've weighed the situation, all the pros and cons, again and again,
and just keep coming up with the same conclusion:

The path of least evil
is, unfortunately,
just to stay put, for now.

For now, it is still worth remaining under the boulder;
there's a chance I may get free with my arm intact if I just play my cards right.

But it's extremely painful....that's all.

It's just very very very sad and manifestly unjust.