Feeling pretty gutted

[MTL]

So you were fortunate enough to be the right kind of person and be given the right circumstances to see this as a great opportunity. Good for you. Some people aren't so fortunate and may see it as a great sacrifice instead depending on what they're going through.

Did you know every individual responds to the same thing differently depending on their temperament? Or do you only see things from your own perspective, failing to empathize with the fact that people will think differently from you?

I think many people fall back on their "temperament" as an excuse for why they can't work hard to improve their circumstances.

Very true.

In my case,

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I put my life on hold to help a family member with a risky dream of theirs.

My mother pestered me, and my sisters, for over 10 years, to help her launch a business.

We all said 'no' because we felt it was a terrible idea....but she never accepted 'no' for an answer.

Finally, I capitulated, at age 29.

I agreed to help for a total of no more than 3 years,
but made allowances for delays beyond their control,
and gave it 6 years of my life.

My sister was also repeatedly given the chance to move home and help,
but declined...rather ungraciously.

This, despite the fact that she constantly complains about her life, away from home,
and runs away from it whenever possible, to stay at my parents' house,
which she treats as a vacation house.

She has always resented me, and didn't want to find me there, when she came home,
so she outright FORBADE my parents to have me move home.

(but then accuses ME of "telling Mom and Dad what they can and cannot do with their own house",
....whenever I suggest a solution to a problem that Mom complains about).

However, I moved home anyways, because they needed my help.

For the four years of delays while I lived under their roof,
waiting for the roadblocks to be cleared out of the way,
I paid them room & board.

My sister visited every other weekend, contributed nothing, criticized everything,
and left a mess behind her every time.

(NOTE: At that point in time,
I was still caught in a pattern
of trying very hard to get my sister's approval and acceptance,
and was bending over backwards to bond with her...no joke...
buying her groceries and bottles of wine, sympathizing while she bitched about her boss, renting her movies only to have her refuse to watch them, even writing down funny anecdotes of dialogue between Mom and Dad, to share with her...

...to no avail.

She continued to resent me,
and endeavored to turn Mom against me and get me kicked out.

She didn't even care what would happen to my parent's new business, or their finances,
if she succeeded in getting rid of me...because they were counting on my help

YET she kept trying to brainwash Mom into believing that SHE was "on my Mom's side"
against big bad MTL...who was "trying to take advantage of you".).

Before the Grand Opening, my sister grew desperate to thwart the plan,
even issuing my mother an extremely presumptuous Ultimatum, that she had no business issuing,

and even tried to call the cops on me, claiming that I had threatened self-harm,
which I have never done in my life.

Meanwhile, she did NOTHING to help.  Not one damn thing.

Anyway,

Once the way was clear and we launched the project,
I gave up my job, my car, my social life and my autonomy,
to work full-time at the business for 2 years, FOR FREE,

AND I also sank the last of my savings into the business because my parents were strapped for cash.

Because we couldn't afford staff, I was doing the work of at least 4 people.

(my mother was a middle child, like my sister,
and always hated her own older sister...my aunt.

I have the misfortune of not only being the eldest,
but also physically resembling my aunt.

So while my mom loves me...she still favours my sister.  Always has.

I hate my aunt, because she is dishonest and takes money from my grandmother.

By comparison, I not only worked for free, but also put the last of my savings
...several thousand...INTO my parents' business.

Yet, to my disgust, I am unfairly compared to my aunt, all the time,
simply due to physical resemblance and birth order.

To add insult to injury,
I defend my mother against the bullying tactics of my aunt,
which my mom frequently forgets about).

At the end of two years, I was finally able to step back,
and I promptly suffered a full nervous breakdown.

For 10 days I was INCAPACITATED
and I didn't physically recover for two months.

It was 6 months before I could make it through a whole day without crying at least once,
and it was a year before I really felt like myself again.

I offered to leave, no questions asked,
to appease my sister.


It was at that time that my parents suggested that I go back to school, while still living at home,
since my plans to do so, years ago, had been put on hold.

I did so, and consistently came back with high marks.

My sister, meanwhile, got pregnant with the first grandchild.

I hugged her, congratulated her, planned her baby shower, got her a nice gift, and helped with the baby for the whole first year...during which she was home, pretty well constantly.

But she was LIVID that I was living at home and going to school,

(nevermind that SHE WAS LIVING RENT-FREE IN DOWNTOWN TORONTO FOR THREE YEARS
at the house of an old man who owed her nothing,
while she was fully capable of supporting herself).

And so she has continually interrupted my studies by trying to persuade my mother to kick me out,
...holding the grandchild as collateral.

Moreover she refuses to let me defend my situation,
and she refused to be accountable for ANY OF HER PAST WRONGS TOWARD ME, OR TOWARD OUR PARENTS,
and insists that I'm a loser who deserves no respect whatsoever.

She says she'll respect me when I move out on my own again

....but I lived on my own all through my 20s...and she didn't respect me back then, either.

(In fact, for awhile I was supporting a boyfriend who was sick with cancer,
even though I didn't want to be with him anymore,
because he had no-one else

...during the same time she was living rent-free in Toronto).

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But you're right....it's possible that I haven't tried nearly hard enough.