Note to everybody: Election in February, Election in February

[Pat Mustard]

Apologies for not getting back to this earlier, had a speech to do for Toastmasters last week, and overtime Saturday.

Well onto the parties, done in order of how they did last election

1) Fine Gael (proper pronunciation Fin-eh Gwale; actual pronunciation Fine Gale; translation "the Irish crowd)


Nicknames: The Blueshirts, Fine Gale

Constituencies: Big Farmers, Middle Class, Upper Civil Servants, what few industrialists we had, rcc and coi old money.

Current representation: 66 down from 76 (jncluding Sean Barrett the current Ceann Comhairle, who is Fine Gael, but neutral for parliamentary purposes)

History:

Fine Gael are one of the two parties born of original Sinn Féin (the other being Fianna Fáil). They are technically the result of a reverse takeover by the former government party Cumann na nGaedhal (older spelling, trans: the club/society/association/loose grouping [delete as appropriate, cumann does a lot of work] of the Irish), by the Army Comrades Association, the Irish version of the fascists and called the Blueshirts. Luckily Gen. Eoin O'Duffy head of the ACA and former commissioner of An Garda Siochána (the Peelers) was as inept a politician as the banana is as the atheists' nightmare, and the C na nG politicians took back over the party from him, and kept it democratic. Since they lost power in the 1932 election they've been traditionally the second party in the state, being on occasion able to form single or part term governments with Labour and Independents or sundry minor parties. But most often the Fine Gael leader finds himself in charge of the official opposition

Policies:

A mixture of traditional Country Tory and Maggie Thatcher, i.e. Dave Cameron before he came along. Traditionally they favoured the big farmer and the business owner, weren't too bothered about poor people being poor and less likely to be shouty about perfidious Albion (England to the rest of you). Though interestingly it was a Fine Gael Taoiseach (Irish for Prime Minister) John A Costello who declared the country a republic (in the shortest act ever passed by this country) in 1949 after the Governor General of Canada insulted us at a diplomatic function.

More recently they've been more socially liberal, while cleaving to free market and anti union policies. However that looks set to change in the near future, with very Tory young guns coming up the ladder.

Big men (or women):

Tree "Enda Kenny" Stump

Current leader and first man in a long time to make the party the country's largest. Has survived a few abortive putschs within the party. Man of the Wessssssshhhht from Mayo, with strong GAA pedigree (coached his club to county honours in the past). However, he thinks he is much cleverer than he actually is and is prone to gaffes and bizarre utterances (such as his recent statement that he nearly had the Army out stopping people using ATMs with their Steyr Augs back in 2011). His media presence is best described by the fact that in 2011 his handlers thought it best that he stay far away from microphones if possible during the election.

Michael "Baldy" Noonan

Minister for Finance, and the comeback king. Was previously minister for Angola (our pet name for the health department in this country, its so bad) usually given to people you want killed off quickly, and party leader in the early noughties when they were performing disasterously badly. Given the finance job in the current government solely on the twin facts that he backed our glorious Tree Stump in the last abortive push and that he can speak for hours without saying a thing. For a while the media thought he was the second coming of Einstein, but then they realised he's not that bright.

Leo "Vlad" Varadkar

Probably the strongest performer in the government, holding the poisioned health portfolio for the last 18 months and not being too badly tarnished by it. He may not be the next leader, as a Dublin boy he's too far from the tradition country power bases, but don't count him out. He is the party's intellect, and best speaker. And while I respect the man, a lot, I wouldn't vote for him, he's very much of the Thatcher wing.
And to show how far the country has come in the last twenty years, he came out as gay during the same sex marriage referendum, and probably the worst thing said about him was "I hope he settles down with a nice fella"

Prospects:
Will be the largest party, sitting at somewhere between 27 and 30 % in the polls. However they'll lose between ten to fifteen seats, and may not get back into government.

2) Labour (Irish Pairtí an Lucht Oibre; the party of the labouring crowd)


Nicknames: don't really have any.

Constituencies: traditionally the urban poor, and in some counties (eg Tipperary) the rural poor. Today, the middle class social liberals, if they can get them.

Current representation: 33 down from 37 at the election.

History:
The oldest party in the state, Irish Labour grew out of UK Labour, and was essentially the same thing for many years. Supported Sinn Féin after the 1916 rising, but were stupid enough not to run any candidates in the 1919 UK elections, meaning they were sidelined for many years. Traditionally much merriment has been gotten from their incessant splittist tendencies (think the Colosseum scene from The Life of Brian), but in the late 80's and early 90's merged with other left wing parties to be the main leftish voice in the Dáil. Traditionally goes in with Fine Gael in coalitions, though they did support Fianna Fáil in the early nineties, during their last time with bigish numbers.

Policies:
Think UK Labour, though interestingly, they were slightly ahead of Blair in dropping any pretences of socialism.

Big Women (or men):

Joan "Brutal" Burton

Party leader, shafted previous party leader Eamonn Gilmore in 2014, after he shafted her for Labour's financial minister job in 2011. She is Táiniste (deputy PM) and minister for Social Protection. Has done nothing but slavishly follow Fine Gael leads since becoming leader and is generally loathed by the poor of Ireland. Would have been seen as a very strong politician in the past, but leadership came too late (she's 67) and is a spent force. Will not be leader in March, may not even be a TD.

Brendan "Howling" Howlan

Minister for Public Expinditure and Baldy's right hand man in government. Veteran Dáil deputy and big man in the party, though never got the nod for leadership. Will probably fall into his lap after the election. Is very much the face of the right wing shift in the party.

Alan "AK47" Kelly

From his self-appointed nick name you get his image of himself, a tough talking, take no prisoners action man. In reality his a muck savage from Tipp and easily out maneuvered, as evidenced by his recent failure to bring in some form of rent controls. Was thought of as the coming man within the party and got deputy party leader on that fact, but he is now considered a dead man walking, and it is iffy if he's a TD come March.

Prospects:
Frankly we've a better chance of seeing a dead Dodo. They are running at 6-8% in the polls, and while transfers in the past would have translated this into 14 to 15 seats, the fact that they've abandoned the left and there are now actual left parties around means, they'd be lucky to halve their seats from the last election.

More to come...