To kill a mocking depression

[Whateverist]

In my case reason does help. A lot.
I'm capable of analyzing the present, how the past has shaped my circumstances and what I have to do to crawl out. Reason is my best armor.

I love your responses, robvalue!

Do you have to document the past to make sure it squares and your depression voice isn't messing with you? Or is that not even a concern? It's not like a memento scenario lite?

For what seemed like an eon or two but was probably more like a year I squirmed in my depression.  I mourned the easy joy and what I remembered as the eager anticipation with which I had greeted each new day.  I desperately wanted back into that existence.

Then one day I just said goodbye to that existence and really moved into my new one.  It was a roach infested bum's dive of an existence but it was mine.  I stopped lamenting the past.  If dregs were my allotment then dregs it would be.  Incrementally I've come to appreciate my new surroundings.  Of course not everything in my life was shit and even if my bubbly enthusiasm was missing I began to enjoy some bits more than others, even if only in a quiet sort of way.

I've never really reconciled my two lives but I feel pretty good about them both.  I probably build up my earlier life in my memory beyond what it had ever been.  But I know there had been exquisite moments and I'm glad for those too.  I am content.  I've even made a garden which affords me some sublime moments even if not giddy ones.