To the OP, I don't think we choose our beliefs. Your atheism is either a rebellion against the fictional being you believe in, because you're mad at that fictional being, or you are an atheist because you really don't believe and can't make yourself. It sounds like to me that you're just suffering some withdrawals from the security blanket called faith.
Shortly after I realized I didn't believe, a few bad things happened to me. It was tempting to think that God was trying to get my attention and that what I needed to do was drop to my knees and beg forgiveness. I realized the problem was that I would be right back in the same position of not believing after the situation resolved itself. I resisted calling upon God and things turned out just fine anyway. Life is still good.
Shortly after I realized I didn't believe, a few bad things happened to me. It was tempting to think that God was trying to get my attention and that what I needed to do was drop to my knees and beg forgiveness. I realized the problem was that I would be right back in the same position of not believing after the situation resolved itself. I resisted calling upon God and things turned out just fine anyway. Life is still good.
