I have left religion 3 years ago. It was a long and painful process, but now I reap the many benefits of it in terms of freedom of thinking and action, though this is still growing. There are some downsides though. My relationship with my father was never great, though we have tried to find each other through the years, but now that I no longer believe it seems like there is no way to repair it. He is very black and white in his thinking, he has been stuck with the same ideas for the last decades and I have seen very little change. He very often starts talking about religion (especially when he has drunk wine, which happens a lot in the evenings) and when he does he ALWAYS says exactly the same things. It becomes a very emotional laden discussion. Whenever I try to make a point, he always interupts me, or reacts strongly defensive, but he never listens; this is clear because his views and our conversations never evolve, they always follow the same path, even though I keep trying new ways to lead it in a new direction. I have tried saying that I don't want to talk about religion as well, but he just continues.
For me this is quite tough, in fact I feel like this is abusive to me, though he says that he really cares about me, and I believe him that he feels that way, but he does not take me serious at all and he has just been drinking during this moments. He has been struggling with depression for a long time and he does not take responsibilty for that, his way to solve it is to drink. I see that he is trying to connect with me, but it just makes things worse.
I fucking hate the influence of religion on our family. I am glad that I got out after 26 years, and so have my siblings, but it hurts me to think of all the life that I have lost and all of the relationships that have become so complicated because of religion. But on the other hand I want to treat my father as an adult, not just a victim of religion, and if I do that I must conclude that I have to shut him out of my life, because he has been abusing me emotionally for years, probably with a good intent from his perspective (to save me from hell), but still... why the drinking, why not listening to me.
Just wanted to share that, curious to read your thoughts. It is one of the hardest challenges in my life, I would like to have a good relationship with my father, but at the same time I can't change him and he needs to change, because I don't want to accept any further abuse. He is free to believe whatever he wants, but he should also let me do the same and respect my boundaries.
For me this is quite tough, in fact I feel like this is abusive to me, though he says that he really cares about me, and I believe him that he feels that way, but he does not take me serious at all and he has just been drinking during this moments. He has been struggling with depression for a long time and he does not take responsibilty for that, his way to solve it is to drink. I see that he is trying to connect with me, but it just makes things worse.
I fucking hate the influence of religion on our family. I am glad that I got out after 26 years, and so have my siblings, but it hurts me to think of all the life that I have lost and all of the relationships that have become so complicated because of religion. But on the other hand I want to treat my father as an adult, not just a victim of religion, and if I do that I must conclude that I have to shut him out of my life, because he has been abusing me emotionally for years, probably with a good intent from his perspective (to save me from hell), but still... why the drinking, why not listening to me.
Just wanted to share that, curious to read your thoughts. It is one of the hardest challenges in my life, I would like to have a good relationship with my father, but at the same time I can't change him and he needs to change, because I don't want to accept any further abuse. He is free to believe whatever he wants, but he should also let me do the same and respect my boundaries.
