Ethics question for theists - serious - looking for opinions not argument.

[Catholic_Lady]

Greetings to the collective brain.  Atheists are welcome to chime in on this . . . but I'm really looking for Christian responses.  I have a lot of Christian (mostly Catholic) friends, but I can't ask them, because they know the area churches and would know who I'm talking about.
     For background, I'm a lesbian.  (And an atheist.)  I play the organ for Catholic Mass once a week.  I think I'm a rare example of my breed - I told the music director and the priest about my orientation.  Before you think I'm bragging, I have NOT told the choir members.  I know that many of them would be outraged.  But I need the $$.

I have a female friend who is married to a woman.  This person gets hired to do religious retreats in churches.  She travels the country doing these retreats.  She brings a male assistant to these retreats and introduces him as her husband.  (He's gay.)  

Another friend of ours asked me yesterday if somebody shouldn't tell the churches that _____ is a lesbian.  I replied that the question made me very nervous, because if the choir knew about me, I could be fired.  I asked if she had some problem with homosexuals in the church, and she said no - but she has a problem with homosexuals that lie about their orientation and then get paid (and paid well) to lead religious retreats.  She said that the comments people made at these retreats - about how the leader is so "wonderfully spiritual and clearly inspired" and how "it's great to see a husband and wife team so dedicated to the Lord" just make her sick.

Well, I haven't told the choir folks about my orientation, and yes, I get paid, and yes, they think I'm spiritual and worshipful and blessed.  I don't correct them.  I didn't know how to respond to this person, other than to beg her not to do anything.

Thoughts?  Should somebody "out" my friend, who makes a living leading religious retreats while lying about her home life?  Should I quit playing for church?  (I probably should find another source of additional income, I know.  But I love some of these people.  I'm not a believer, but the music is fun.)

-- Fuzz

I think you may be surprised at the response of your choir members. I highly doubt they would be outraged or that they would stop liking you. With that being said, I don't see the need to tell them. Not because they would think less of you for it, but because I don't think it's really any of their business to know about your sexual preferences. If you want to tell them for whatever reason, go ahead... but only do it if you want to. You have no moral obligation to do so. 

As for the retreat leader, I don't think it's right that she's lying about her marriage. Personally I wouldn't say anything if it were me who knew that information because it's really none of my business, but the retreat leader herself should be honest.