Ethics question for theists - serious - looking for opinions not argument.

[drfuzzy]

Whew.  Tired from a long phone call from retreat leader friend.

She was mad at EVERYBODY (for posting pictures), including me (for not somehow placating and defusing D____), and then she was crying and asking me what to do.  (Asking me, because I'm a lesbian, working at D's church, and D still considers me a friend.)

    I leaned hard on what Drich suggested:  "your gay friend to share with the nosy Nellie some of the reasons she chooses to work planning church related events" -- I said that in a dozen different ways.  "Share your passion -- how you have always felt that you are called to do this, how it makes you feel, share the wonderful stories about how people have been inspired.  Share your fear.  Tell her what it's like to fear that you will be blacklisted and not allowed to run retreats anymore.  Tell her that you are afraid you could even lose your adopted children.  Tell her that M has been a long time friend and that when he suggested the ruse, it sounded like a perfect answer - an easy safeguard. Tell her the truth."

    D is angry because she hasn't been offered a job, but she is not heartless, and she's not homophobic.  She considers herself a songwriter, and was hoping to use this organization's influence to meet some church music publishers.  I pointed this out, and suggested that the retreat leader find time in her schedule to work with D on her compositions - - and let D meet the kids and wife.  (Kids. She surely wouldn't endanger the care of three cute kids.)

They're probably having a phone conversation now.  Fingers crossed.  Me - a few more little things on the to-do list and I might even go to bed early.  Whew.

Special thanks to . . . yes, Drich . . . for providing the good suggestion.  -- And to mh and CL particularly, for good gentle advice.