RE: Ask an absentee father.
October 2, 2016 at 7:56 am
(This post was last modified: October 2, 2016 at 8:14 am by The Grand Nudger.)
There's no end to the possible consequences, really, because I don't know anything about their life. For all I know (and this was my situation once upon a time) my daughter has a father, whom she has always known to be her father, and her mother has never dissuaded her of this, in fact it may be that her mother is in love with the man and he;s been a -good- father. Telling a teenager that the two most important people in her life have been hiding something like that from her, no good. Or, perhaps, her mother has told her things about me or about us, and I..not knowing what they are, would unintentionally present a counter narrative (those questions I cant and wont answer, I mentioned to an earlier post). Or maybe, like I did once upon a time with my own biological dad, she'll see me the once, and never wonder or interact with me again.
To be blunt, the number of negative outcomes likely outweighs the number of positive outcomes, and I'm not a gushy man who goes in for tropes about happy reunions and how kids are better off with or knowing their bio-x...or that a parent in my situation has a right or a need to insert themselves in their children's lives. The worst that could happen is very literally the culmination of years of my nightmares, and the best that can happen isn't all that far from a nightmare either. Seeing her wouldn't change the relationship we don't have. I can;t wind that clock back and make things happen some other way, or smooth anything over. Seeing her wouldn't be an icebreaker it wouldn't be the beginning of a relationship, in our case.
If I get a call from her, or her mother, my assessment might change. She knows where I live, they visit my family..and her mother asks them not to tell me that they're in town. I was, once upon a time, 5 minutes from my daughter and I was the only person in my family not to know it. The rest of them were terrified that she would stop coming if they breached that request. I can understand, she's adorable, we all love her, we all want to see her. So, knowing that, you tell me..what's the worst that could happen? I, personally, spend far too much time wondering about that already, lol.
To be blunt, the number of negative outcomes likely outweighs the number of positive outcomes, and I'm not a gushy man who goes in for tropes about happy reunions and how kids are better off with or knowing their bio-x...or that a parent in my situation has a right or a need to insert themselves in their children's lives. The worst that could happen is very literally the culmination of years of my nightmares, and the best that can happen isn't all that far from a nightmare either. Seeing her wouldn't change the relationship we don't have. I can;t wind that clock back and make things happen some other way, or smooth anything over. Seeing her wouldn't be an icebreaker it wouldn't be the beginning of a relationship, in our case.
If I get a call from her, or her mother, my assessment might change. She knows where I live, they visit my family..and her mother asks them not to tell me that they're in town. I was, once upon a time, 5 minutes from my daughter and I was the only person in my family not to know it. The rest of them were terrified that she would stop coming if they breached that request. I can understand, she's adorable, we all love her, we all want to see her. So, knowing that, you tell me..what's the worst that could happen? I, personally, spend far too much time wondering about that already, lol.
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