Problem dealing with death as an atheist

[Anymouse]

Anyway. I'll do my best to explain my issue:
I'm an atheist and I also have a few problems with depression and anxiety. My problem, however, is that I've recently developed a MAJOR "fear" of death.

To-day is my birthday, that means I get to think about this topic myself. And for a while, (note the time here is 4:10 am US Mountain), it bothers me.

Those that post such things to this question as "think of rotting cabbage" aren't really reading the question: this is a legitimate human and emotional concern by a person who really is concerned/upset/confused by the concept of death and his place in it. "Rotting meat" might be the very thing that upsets. Such confusion and upset cannot be answered with such a pat answer: it is no different than "My answer is x religion." At least the latter attempts to address the real human quality of emotion (regardless of whether that address is correct or not.) Surely the atheistic community could come up with a better humanistic answer which also addresses the real human emotion of confusion/loss/fear?

My father was killed in Vietnam when I was seven. I was prohibited from going to his memorial service; my family thought that at seven, it was an inappropriate topic. They also thought I should not see my father that way. My family was wrong; my mother admitted that years ago. One learns to deal with death by dealing with it, not sugar coating it or hiding it from view. A child's view of death is shaped by the way adults around them treat it. Mine was warped for a long time.

At age twenty-four, I made a fourteen-hundred mile round trip for the sole purpose of visiting his graveside. I spent many hours cleaning up the bronze Veterans Administration marker that had been neglected after years (it took about five days). I came to terms with his death; that opportunity was denied me by others "looking out for a child's interest."

But regardless of anyone's religious views, death is the usual outcome of life, whether it be but a minute or a hundred years. And, many many people have gone through death before me, and were able to accomplish it. I assume that when it is my turn, I won't have too much trouble with it either.

For the religious, there is the goal their religion has afterward (but not all religions have an afterlife either.) For both the religious and the non-religious, there is comfort in knowing you have done, do, will do things that will make the lives of those you touch just a little bit easier, or more loving, now and when you are gone. Perhaps you will still live on in such stories by your children's children's children: "I remember great-grandpa. He was so funny (kind/loving/concerned) when . . ." and there is the true essence of eternal life. It has been said, as long as there is still one person who remembers you, you are not truly gone.

So for to-day, I won't worry about it too much. I will worry much more about how I can enjoy my life and help others to enjoy theirs, be it for only one more day, or fifty more years.