Why I don't want to be an atheist:
1. Because then I would have to think about things instead of having someone tell me what to think
2. Because it would make my mommy cry
3. Because I don't want to worship the devil
4. Because the though of sacrificing animals makes me queasy
5. Because I don't want to kill people
6. Because the devil is scary
7. Because when I think of death I poop a little
8. Because I'm really scared of things I don't understand
9. Because science is so hard!
10. Seriously, there's a lot of weird math in science!
11. Because it's so much easier to pretend things are going to be all right instead of having to fix them
12. Are you calling my mommy a liar?
13. Because the priest will call me into his office...alone...for a long time...alone...
14. Because I like to sing but I'm not good enough for karaoke, but at church you can't stop me
15. Because people at my church HAVE TO be my friend
16. Because I'm angry that gay people get to be gay even though I don't like it and if I didn't have religion as an excuse I'd just be an asshole
17. Because I want to feel like I know lots and lots of things but I don't actually want to learn stuff
18. Because atheists have to look up facts and stuff instead of just blindly repeating things they heard as fact and that seem hard
19. Because then I wouldn't be super special
20. Because when people make me mad I like to imagine my friend lighting them on fire and believe it's really going to happen so that I know that they will pay for making me mad
21. Because I really want to be a jerk to people who disagree with me and if I was an atheist I wouldn't get to pretend it was God's will, not just that I'm a petty dickhead
22. Because the world is scary and I'm scared of it so I need a super special friend to protect me
23. I could go on, but I like to stop here because I know very well that God is going to hurt you for making me mad anyway
1. Because then I would have to think about things instead of having someone tell me what to think
2. Because it would make my mommy cry
3. Because I don't want to worship the devil
4. Because the though of sacrificing animals makes me queasy
5. Because I don't want to kill people
6. Because the devil is scary
7. Because when I think of death I poop a little
8. Because I'm really scared of things I don't understand
9. Because science is so hard!
10. Seriously, there's a lot of weird math in science!
11. Because it's so much easier to pretend things are going to be all right instead of having to fix them
12. Are you calling my mommy a liar?
13. Because the priest will call me into his office...alone...for a long time...alone...
14. Because I like to sing but I'm not good enough for karaoke, but at church you can't stop me
15. Because people at my church HAVE TO be my friend
16. Because I'm angry that gay people get to be gay even though I don't like it and if I didn't have religion as an excuse I'd just be an asshole
17. Because I want to feel like I know lots and lots of things but I don't actually want to learn stuff
18. Because atheists have to look up facts and stuff instead of just blindly repeating things they heard as fact and that seem hard
19. Because then I wouldn't be super special
20. Because when people make me mad I like to imagine my friend lighting them on fire and believe it's really going to happen so that I know that they will pay for making me mad
21. Because I really want to be a jerk to people who disagree with me and if I was an atheist I wouldn't get to pretend it was God's will, not just that I'm a petty dickhead
22. Because the world is scary and I'm scared of it so I need a super special friend to protect me
23. I could go on, but I like to stop here because I know very well that God is going to hurt you for making me mad anyway
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Side effects may include super powers or enlarged penis which may become permanent with continued use. Stop taking Killatol immediately and consult your doctor if you experience penis enlargement of more than 3 inches, laser vision, superhuman strength, invulnerability, the ability to explode heads with your mind or time travel. Killatoll is not for everyone, especially those who already have convertibles or vehicles of ridiculous size to supplement penis size.
