Adoption of mentally impaired babies

[Catholic_Lady]

For the record, since it seems people are getting the wrong impression of me, when I found out my baby had severe mental and physical disabilities along with health problems, I was devastated and having panic attacks for the first time in my life. Not because I didn't want the "burden" of taking care of him, and not because I didn't want him. But because of how much it would destroy my heart to see someone I love so much be so permanently ill and never be able to have the joys and opportunities that us parents want so much for our children.

I'm the type of person who can't even walk into an animal shelter because I seriously break down at the sight of those little animals having to live such restricted lives in cages. And that's animals, not even people... and not even my own child! It's one of my greatest personal weaknesses to not be able to deal with these things without falling apart. I was in such a dark place, mentally and emotionally, that I began doubting myself and my ability to be a good mom if I went into some kind of chronic depression and if the grief of seeing my child in that state every day really messed me up to where I wasn't able to care for him as well as he deserved. In a state of desperation and self doubt, I only talked about this with my priest, telling him that perhaps I could find a loving family who has a passion and a calling for the special needs and are looking to adopt children like this - a mother who was stronger, and who doesn't fall apart with pity at the suffering of others - perhaps that would be better for the baby. He reassured me, and explained to me that parental love makes people find a strength within them that they never imagine they had.

By the end of that very same day I had come to the conclusion that no matter what happened, I would keep and care for this baby. And that the thought of giving him away only devastated me even more. Two days later, we found out he would not be making it to term, anyway. But no, it was never a serious consideration of mine. Just a thought that crossed my mind in a state of utter devastation and self doubt. But having gone through it myself, I would have nothing but respect and love for those who have made the choice to adopt out their baby for this reason. Because I understand how someone can feel the self doubt that they wouldn't be able to be good enough parents in the midst of dealing with such immense grief on a daily basis, but still believe their baby has a right to live. So please, ditch the notion that this is about not wanting to be "bothered" with the care, because it never was.

And for those who keep saying people like that would be putting their morality above their child by not killing them, or that the only reason not to is fear of hell, I don't think you understand what abortion would entail at this point. An unborn baby at 20+ weeks gestation is not a "ball of cells" even by the standards of pro choice folks. By that time, you already know the sex of your baby. You've already heard his heart beat many times, and felt him kick around and move inside of you. You've already seen the ultrasound videos that show him moving around in there, curling and uncurling into a ball. You have his ultrasound picture up on your fridge... one that clearly shows the form of a very human baby with the silhouette of a little nose and little arms up by his face. By that time he's either old enough, or almost old enough, to survive outside of utero. By that time he can already feel physical pain that an abortion would cause (or at least be on the verge of it... too close for comfort... and too close for wanting to take that risk). And you're saying the only reason any mom would opt out of ending his life in this scenario is out of selfishness or fear of Hell?

Some of the things I read here were very hurtful. Not the comments that said they'd be against adoption (bc it's what I asked for anyway), but the ones that suggested abortion, and the ones that questioned my morality, personally. But it's my fault for starting this thread. As I told Cato, I see how abortion could have easily been brought up here and shouldn't have assumed it wouldn't eventually become the major direction this thread took. Mea culpa, honestly. And I apologize. But I think it's best I move on from this thread.