RE: What level of dominance/submission do you expect from a romantic partner?
February 12, 2017 at 9:52 pm
(This post was last modified: February 12, 2017 at 10:17 pm by paulpablo.)
(February 12, 2017 at 8:37 pm)Astreja Wrote: I actually find dominance/submission to be an incredible turn-off. I had a partner who was interested in BDSM and I absolutely hated it, regardless of which role I was playing.
Again I want to be clear that I'm not necesserily talking about gimp masks and whips.
I'm talking about the dominance and submission in life that you pretty much can't opt out of in a relationship. In a lot of cases it's not difficult to see in groups of friends/work colleages or any groups of people who are the more dominant people or submissive people.
It's definitely not always clear cut and I think it could be subject to the type of situation people are in but I think in some shape or form it exists in and outside of the bedroom.
(February 12, 2017 at 6:25 pm)Thena323 Wrote:(February 12, 2017 at 5:28 pm)paulpablo Wrote: So let me just put a few examples forward and answer them if you want.
I know these questions weren't directed towards me, but I'd like to take a stab at answering.
Quote:When you go out with a romantic partner are you comfortable choosing where to go or do you tend to like that being chosen?
It depends.
I can't imagine anyone wanting to be being in a relationship where one person is tagged the Permanent Decider of All Things Entertaining and Fun.
Quote:If you go to watch a movie do you take the lead and choose where to sit?
Who cares? Don't most people prefer the middle to back rows anyway?
"How 'bout here?"
"Yeah, this is good."
"Okay."
No one's really taking the lead in that scenario, are they? They're just agreeing where to sit.
Quote:Are you usually the one who's approached the other person first/made the initial move towards the person you're romantically involved with?
In the past, if I suspected there was genuine interest on a fella's part, I would move things along by engaging in conversation; and perhaps do a bit of flirting.
"Oh, I love your shoes. Are those leather?" OR...
"Tell me everything you know about small engines. And start from the beginning."
You know, that sort of thang.
Looking back over the women who I've taken out it's fairly obvious they have what's basically a mental checklist of these things being important to tick off.
It is refreshing when I've taken out a girl with more of your type of attitude where it doesn't matter but I think mostly, especially when taking a female out for the first time I've learned that it's generally playing it safe to never let the girl pay, always decide where you're going to sit in places, always have a plan of where you're going, and if you can drive then do the driving.
I tend to notice these little things now because I've had years in my early life of being viciously nervous on really crap dates, not knowing what I'm doing and seeing the disgusted look or just look of awkwardness on a womans face when I've done things like not take the lead in deciding little things or paying for little things.
I think it would be an interesting social experiment for people who say these things don't matter or they don't notice them to try and notice these little things next time they go out with a partner. Who decides on the places to go, who decides on the seats, who drives, or who pays.
There's definitely practical reasons why things like this might not matter. If one person forgets their money then the other person has to pay, if one person can't drive the other person has to, one person might have a really clear idea of this new resteraunt they're dying to go to.
Are you ready for the fire? We are firemen. WE ARE FIREMEN! The heat doesn’t bother us. We live in the heat. We train in the heat. It tells us that we’re ready, we’re at home, we’re where we’re supposed to be. Flames don’t intimidate us. What do we do? We control the flame. We control them. We move the flames where we want to. And then we extinguish them.
Impersonation is treason.
