first of all the kind words of support really mean quite a bit to me. i do not have many friends irl and well, the people i live with would not take the news that they are living with a "junky" very well so this is a burden i have endured all on my own, for example today i just got back from my meetings, and getting my medication.. luckily enough for a month. to go to this meeting at 9:30 am 15 miles down the road i woke up at 5am, walked 2 hours to a bus stop, took the bus there, did my meeting from 930-1030, then waited there from 1030 to 2pm to see the doctor, just getting home from the 2 hour walk home from where the bus lets off.
today in the group we were asked about the third and fourth step, when it came to me i tried my best to bite my tounge.. but i could not.
in a nut shell i basically said that i did not believe in a higher power, i then got the "well are you the most powerful thing in the world?" question
to which i answered " when it comes to my drug usage no one but me is accountable, and no one but me is going to fix this problem. no amount of praying or hoping is going to stop me from using drugs, that is in my hands"
in this office full of posters talking about God ,in a gov. building i said these things, and the one in charge simply shut me up and moved on, quick. I could tell that the person must of felt i would damage the collective somehow.
where it got really interesting is when i was asked about step 4, making a "fearless" moral inventory of one's self. the one in charge asked me, and everyone else why this would be difficult. i answered " a moral inventory is totally subjective, morality is different to each individual, but being that we are using the AA tenets i know the underlying theme here is catholic/christian morality. the original founders of AA were people enamored with a "SPIRITUAL" method of recovery.
if someone does not believe in souls, spirits, ghosts, demons, boogy-men etc then this program is not going to work for them."
i explained i was here for medicine, and that in order to get this medicine i cannot afford i have to take an AA group, i then asked if passing the group was a requirement, and was told only attending is required, and that passing and failing isnt something they do.
the teacher actually asked me " well if there is no god then where did we come from.. how are we all here, how could there be nothing then something?"
to which i responded: that is a strawman argument, is flawed, and existence does not prove there is a god, is only proves we exist, and frankly the burden of proof is on you not me if you are claiming there is a god... im willing to believe but i require actual proof.
to which i got: well isnt that the kind of thinking that got you here in the first place? ( addicted to drugs )
at that point my head was kind of swirling, i told the woman i didnt feel the last comment was appropriate , and she backed down, and didnt ask me any more questions the rest of class.
heres where i feel like a dick.. if anyone ever in that class, and it is small 6-7 people, used a fake god or religion to quit drugs... GREAT, and i would never want to say anything to them to take that new addiction away and get them back on drugs.. but i have a VERY hard time biting my tounge when it comes to religion.
i am elated to find out i simply need attend the meetings, and a ray of hope came to me... the doctor is an atheist , when he asked my religion i told him and me and him got in a conversation and he told me that he was an atheist, it actually really comforted me to know the person with the final trigger on me getting my medication at least understood where i am coming from.
so i guess this is going to go like i go get my meds and say what i think in class should be an interesting ride.
and to the guy posting alternatives to this.. for the time i do not have a car and this is the only health department without a reasonable distance to me i can take a buss to, so for the moment going all over the place is almost impossible. i should be starting a new job soon tho and making a lil scratch so hopefully i can get some wheels again. I do appreciate the links tho, and i am going to ask the online counselor some questions. it is much appreciated.
today in the group we were asked about the third and fourth step, when it came to me i tried my best to bite my tounge.. but i could not.
in a nut shell i basically said that i did not believe in a higher power, i then got the "well are you the most powerful thing in the world?" question
to which i answered " when it comes to my drug usage no one but me is accountable, and no one but me is going to fix this problem. no amount of praying or hoping is going to stop me from using drugs, that is in my hands"
in this office full of posters talking about God ,in a gov. building i said these things, and the one in charge simply shut me up and moved on, quick. I could tell that the person must of felt i would damage the collective somehow.
where it got really interesting is when i was asked about step 4, making a "fearless" moral inventory of one's self. the one in charge asked me, and everyone else why this would be difficult. i answered " a moral inventory is totally subjective, morality is different to each individual, but being that we are using the AA tenets i know the underlying theme here is catholic/christian morality. the original founders of AA were people enamored with a "SPIRITUAL" method of recovery.
if someone does not believe in souls, spirits, ghosts, demons, boogy-men etc then this program is not going to work for them."
i explained i was here for medicine, and that in order to get this medicine i cannot afford i have to take an AA group, i then asked if passing the group was a requirement, and was told only attending is required, and that passing and failing isnt something they do.
the teacher actually asked me " well if there is no god then where did we come from.. how are we all here, how could there be nothing then something?"
to which i responded: that is a strawman argument, is flawed, and existence does not prove there is a god, is only proves we exist, and frankly the burden of proof is on you not me if you are claiming there is a god... im willing to believe but i require actual proof.
to which i got: well isnt that the kind of thinking that got you here in the first place? ( addicted to drugs )
at that point my head was kind of swirling, i told the woman i didnt feel the last comment was appropriate , and she backed down, and didnt ask me any more questions the rest of class.
heres where i feel like a dick.. if anyone ever in that class, and it is small 6-7 people, used a fake god or religion to quit drugs... GREAT, and i would never want to say anything to them to take that new addiction away and get them back on drugs.. but i have a VERY hard time biting my tounge when it comes to religion.
i am elated to find out i simply need attend the meetings, and a ray of hope came to me... the doctor is an atheist , when he asked my religion i told him and me and him got in a conversation and he told me that he was an atheist, it actually really comforted me to know the person with the final trigger on me getting my medication at least understood where i am coming from.
so i guess this is going to go like i go get my meds and say what i think in class should be an interesting ride.
and to the guy posting alternatives to this.. for the time i do not have a car and this is the only health department without a reasonable distance to me i can take a buss to, so for the moment going all over the place is almost impossible. i should be starting a new job soon tho and making a lil scratch so hopefully i can get some wheels again. I do appreciate the links tho, and i am going to ask the online counselor some questions. it is much appreciated.
"i hate therefore i am"
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[url=http://thisistheatheistview.blogspot.com/]
go to my blog and click an ad!
[url=http://thisistheatheistview.blogspot.com/]
