Considering atheism [Currently Christian]

[*Deidre*]

I just realized who you are lol looking at your name change.  
And yes, probably. I will say that I envy people who grew up without any religious parenting or guidance whatsoever because what we are taught as kids no matter how hard we try, there's always a slight residue left over. (when it comes to the negative stuff)

Oh, my mom is a -complete- wooster...crystal healing and pagan gods, reads the cards..the whole bit.  She burns twigs to purge ghosts, lol.  My family is a mix of catholics, baptists, and literal bible salesman.  I went to a private school operated by the church.  I can draw down the godhead in a ritual circle, perform sympathetic magic, plumb the catechism, and recite the bible from memory.  My power went out last night in the big storm..and I spent two hours recounting norse creation myths and danish hero legends to my kids to keep them entertained.  I sing hymns beautifully and with conviction.

I got alot of religious guidance.  

It just never took..or it took so well in whole that I could very accurately see that all of these different traditions..purportedly about gods..were about human beings.  I suppose it helped that while my family had plenty of religion they lacked the compulsion to religion urge.  

Or, at least..that's what I think happened....could have been in the milk.  There was alot of fluoride in the water too...maybe, in addition to making frogs gay it turns people into atheists?  

lol you're funny 

I fear that I'm in that crossroads again...or maybe I'm always here, when it comes to faith. Like I believe in a god, but then I wonder where the actual motivation for that belief is coming from. Most days, I just go through life, but when I stop to reflect and discuss it, I realize that is my issue. I thought that I had a spiritual experience almost two years ago that led me back to belief, but then I wonder, am I manufacturing the situation to seem like it was spiritual? Being spiritual isn't a bad thing, imo. No one knows for sure if there exists a deity or not, and there are days, that I get comfort from belief. But, then there are days, when there's no comfort at all, and I wonder if I'm forcing belief.

Thanks for listening, it's helpful for me to get this out here.