What's the alonest you've ever been?

[emjay]

Right now. I only really had three actual friends irl, other than Sam of course, whom I could be with and talk to face to face etc, and they've all ditched me one after another. One literally moved house and changed his number to cut me off; the second basically fired me through email; and the least said about the third, the better. I just lose all enthusiasm for everything, because I can't share any of it. I've gone literally for days without speaking a word, not even to myself. I don't even go out unless I really need to - all those couples and groups of friends and so on. When I have plucked up the courage to go out, because I do try, I'm just as alone as when I don't, only with more people around. That's why I drink a lot, so I can feel something.

I'm so sorry it's so hard for you  Unfortunately I can't really identify because I rarely feel lonely, even when I'm alone because I'm generally a loner by nature... it takes a lot of prodding to get me to go out, but what you're describing sounds very different... like the emptiness of depression. I wish I knew what I could suggest; I've had depression before, sometimes with that empty feeling, but not majorly. I've been on anti-depressants on the past, which could be an option for you? They're a nice buzz if nothing else