Aloha! New with a big question!

[Pat Mustard]

Aloha Everyone!  I won't make my story/introduction too long, I'll try for short and sweet.  My name is Amanda, I'm 31.  I live on and island....ah, love!  Never been baptized, went to church randomly growing up with some family and some friends up until I was about 15.......none of it EVER clicked for me, not even for a second.  Every time I went to church with anyone, I left with the feeling that I was going to hell, for sure, no questions asked, and not because I was "bad" but because I wasn't one of them, I wasn't "saved."   I tried to have it make sense and be open to the possibilities, still nothing ever panned out.  I suppose I even kept things "somewhat open" up until last week.  I knew how I've felt for the last 20 years or so, and now I've solidifying it completely.  No ifs ands or buts....plain and simple, I don't believe in it at all, I know this.  

So now that years have passed for me since reading randomly throughout bibles and littles bits here and there of church, I feel like I'm in a place to better understand the bible, and actually read the damn thing.  I want to read it.  Problem is, which one!!!!!!!!  

BIG QUESTION:  Which bible is the one that hasn't been completely jacked with.  I'd rather go all original (obviously I know it's not original, but ya know) but there are waaaay too many.  I've even tried to research it and can't come up with which one.  I'd appreciate any help if possible!

Many Mahalos!

There was a very good translation of the Book of Brutha  done about 20 years ago by a Terry Pratchett. Small Gods, I believe. You should search it out.

Edit: Damn you thread necromancy! Behind door handles you're my worst nemesis.