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Some big changes as of late...
#1
Some big changes as of late...
I don't usually post introductions on forums, but I thought some background would be beneficial, as I've enjoyed reading some of the other intro posts. I'm a 36 year old married mother of two and a coffee-aholic... and I guess being 36, I'm a little bit late to the party.

I come from a charismatic Christian background with very sincere parents who homeschooled me and focused everything in my life around Jesus. I married and continued full steam ahead with ministry, not pursuing a career and dropping in and out of community college as necessary to keep ministry first.

I was attending church until two weeks ago. I lost my faith some time ago but was trying to pretend with myself and others, and that doesn't work so well. My husband finally asked me outright if I even believed in Christianity and I couldn't lie to him, so I fessed up and here I am. My children are 6 and 10, so they know that I am leaving the church due to some disagreements, but I haven't told them I am an atheist because I don't want to stress them out thinking their mother is going to burn in hell. I am hoping they will have their own questions as they get older and the topic will rise organically but, who ever knows how these things will turn out... I am hoping that my marriage will survive my deconversion, and I guess we shall see.

I have mental health problems that are currently very stable due to proper medication. About 5 or 6 years ago I had a mental health crisis that landed me in the hospital for an extended period of time, and I found that despite all my praying and "spiritual warfare" and worshiping, God wasn't coming to help me and I was by myself.

There are plenty of small things that have affected me leaving the faith, such as early myths of gods rising from the dead just like Jesus, etc. but one nail in the coffin is the whole topic of evolution. I was staunchly and diligently taught Ken Ham's version of "creationism" but I've found websites debunking that information, and when you believe in evolution, religion starts to unravel rather quickly. I looked into some Christians who believe in evolution, but found they could not reconcile it with the Bible in a way that was satisfactory to me.

I have a part time job at a Christian school which I have had to make plans to leave at the end of this school year. Luckily I have started another part time job that will be taking its place. I will be making less money but I can live with myself.

I'm currently pursuing a basic, foundational knowledge of philosophy from the beginning, just for my own enrichment as well as to borrow some ideas with which to build a world view. I am very bad with hard logic so I also look forward to coming here with questions and lurking on others' posts to learn things and gather information.

I have mixed feelings about all of this. On the one hand, I feel liberated and that life is my own. From another aspect I feel embarrassed that I am so  so uninformed and undecided about life the world at the age of 36, but I'm choosing to forge ahead and not let that hold me back from exploring and experiencing what the rest of my life has to offer. Additionally, I am very sad about the community I have left behind, and situations with Christians who still come into contact with me are tense and awkward. I feel bad that they are so grieved and spend time worrying about me. I also feel relieved to let go of that kind of wasted time and effort.

So that's that. I look forward to conversing with members of the forum. Thanks for reading.
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#2
RE: Some big changes as of late...
welcome !
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




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#3
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Quote:and I found that despite all my praying and "spiritual warfare" and worshiping, God wasn't coming to help me and I was by myself.

He never does.

Welcome, dear.  Feel free to unload.
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#4
RE: Some big changes as of late...
I'm glad you're able to open up about this now. Welcome!
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#5
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Welcome

Wow. I'm so sorry that you're experiencing all this, but I'm also happy for you that you're on a wonderful journey that will no doubt leave you awe of how beautiful (if scary) the universe is without the unnecessary baggage that is the creator mythos.

I truly hope your marriage survives and your kids/husband grow to be as open minded as you are. I also look forward to seeing you around!
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
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#6
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Welcome to the forum Smile

Escaping religion, at any age, is a brave accomplishment. Especially when you've been indoctrinated and surrounded by it your whole life. Try not to be too hard on yourself! So many people never figure it out, at all.

Feel free to ask all the questions you want Heart
Feel free to send me a private message.
Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.

Index of useful threads and discussions
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#7
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Everyone moves at their own pace, and we are largely products of our environment. I'd like to think that becoming an atheist at a young age was because of how smart I am, but the truth is it has mostly to do with growing up in a non-fundie environment with a heavy focus on science. I'd say that with growing up in such an environment that you should be proud that you even questioned your beliefs, and 36 isn't late for that at all.

Welcome!
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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#8
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Welcome! Don't worry about the age thingy, it's not an issue at all. I hope everything turns out ok with the marriage, children, jobs and such. Good luck. We'll be glad to have you here Big Grin
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#9
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Welcome sweetie! I was older than you when my eyes got opened. One is never too late to the party Smile

Enjoy your stay and I hope to hear more from you Heart
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand. 
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work.  If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now.  Yes, I DO want fries with that.
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#10
RE: Some big changes as of late...
Thanks for all the welcomes Smile
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