What's the alonest you've ever been?

[mlmooney89]

Okay guess I'll give a less flippant reply in the spirit of all the sharing going on here.  (Looking at you, Mooney.)

Bad alone:

In the marriage of my child hood (early twenties) she left me after three years.  I started smoking weed all the time a little at a time, very functional.  We'd call it self medicating nowadays.  Good times for about a year.  I started skateboarding and having other physical adventures every moment I wasn't working, but no love interests.  Hallucinogens on the weekends.  Then the 'medicine' stopped working and stupid feelings came back.  Well they tried but instead I got deeply depressed.  Maybe depression is constipated feelings?

So my six years younger brother, my protege, who got kicked out of the air force for having bad feet, came to live with me.  Kind of a bummer that our last time together was me being such a sad sack as he'd always looked up to me so much and I loved being his mentor.  Anyway one weekend he took us out in his new/old Fiat Spider convertible.  He drove us a bunch of places including a stop at Fort Funston, my first time there.  We stopped for gas just a couple blocks from home and then on our way there a drunk driver in a big American station wagon passed out and hit us head-on.  Just swerved into us at the last second, no way to avoid it.  I was knocked out and he died at the same hospital from which I'd been released about week later.

So I went back to my little beach shack in Pacifica alone .. actually a relief to get away from the well meaning, god-bothering relatives I couldn't escape at the hospital.  Here I recuperated while everything mended and I was out from work on long term disability.  The driver hadn't been insured but I think I got 15k from my own insurance or the state or something.  I slept a lot, mostly during the day.  One night after midnight I was out walking my first dog Bunny when another drunk ran her over speeding out the parking lot of a bar. 

That was when I felt the most alone.  It lasted some months, I lost my social confidence and felt like an alien even relating to the clerk when I needed to go to a store.  Eventually I was cleared to go back to work at Safeway where I'd been stocking shelves at night.  I think I lasted one week.  I remember thinking "I weigh a star", that the effort required to go through the motions of this meaningless job was just more than I could do.  I went home and the next day I called the store and told the assistant manager I wasn't coming in.  At first he though I meant just that day but I told him I wasn't ever coming back.  Then I went walk about, eventually getting low enough that the only way left was up.  Knock on wood, I've never been depressed again nor have I ever felt that social estrangement again.

Already TL;DR material or I'd include one of a couple good-alone stories.

Oh darling! *hugs* I'm so glad you are in a better place now!