Help me catch the office coffee thief

[The Valkyrie]

I find that random executions of possible offenders works a treat for stopping such infractions.

I learned the hard way, however, that you have to tell everyone why that person had to die.

Ah, the old shit-against-a-wall approach. 

I knew there was something about you I like.

Me? I prefer to make an example of someone for an unrelated but equally niggling reason:

[Beats offender with baseball bat while shrieking]: I fucking told you! Those are my paperclips, bitch! Mine!

Then, as the onlookers stare aghast at the still quivering body, raise the bloody bat and scream, "Now where's the motherfucker who keeps drinking my coffee?!?"

I should actually try that.

I wonder how long it will be before someone catches on and says, "But Beccs, you don't drink coffee!"