Miracles in Christianity - how to answer

[drfuzzy]

The verse plainly says that the apostles who claimed to have spoken to zombie Yeshua were full of crap.  Even the babbling BS'er Paul said that if the dead do not rise then your faith in his delusion is worthless.  How many zombies have you seen in your lifetime?  Have any of your dead relatives or friends popped in and had dinner with you lately?

 Again your lack of knowledge of what the scriptures teach is atrocious. Paul was speaking of the second coming of Christ and if you live long enough you will see this happen. First the dead in Christ will rise from the grave then the Christians that are living will be transformed having new bodies and all will meet Christ in the sky. If you see this and are not a part of it then you will know that you are in serious trouble.

GC

Matthew 16:28  I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.
Mark 9:1  And he said to them, "I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God come with power.
Luke 9:27  I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God
Matthew 24:34   Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.
Luke 21:32  Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.

And oh, the apologetics jump through such ridiculous hoops telling people that these statements don't mean what we think they mean.  They'll say that "generation" can mean "race" in Greek.  They'll say that it applies to the restoration of the covenant with Israel.  Some people say that it refers to the establishment of the church on Pentecost.  Twist yourself into any pretzel you want to make it say anything you want so you can avoid cognitive dissonance.

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The "Rapture" - term from Latin Vulgate rapiemur  Wycliffe translates as "rushed", Tyndale "caught up" - 
loosely from:
1 Thessalonians 4:17  Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
Matthew 24:37-40 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left.

Rapture, as 2nd coming of Jesus with believers suddenly flying up to meet him "in the clouds" is a concept that started with the Puritans in the late 1600's.  I was raised with the "three gathering" fantasies of Edward Irving (published 1825).  Only American Evangelicals believe in the "rapture" - in the sense of flying up to meet Jesus or being removed from this life with "perfected bodies", yadda yadda yadda - other christian denominations do not. There are, of course, ongoing arguments about this fantasy: post-tribulation, pre-tribulation, postmillennialism, amillennialism, etc., etc.  They make about as much sense as kids arguing about the names and order of Santa's reindeer. 

And, of course, there have been hundreds of dates predicted, hundreds have passed with no Rapture, and no loonies disappear from the planet.
Ooh, but now President Moron has pandered to the loonies by trying to make Jerusalem the capital of Israel!  Too bad he got shot down.  Too bad it's none of his business.  All of the people who are praying for the "end times" and the god-murder of 7 billion of the people he created were really celebrating.  But the Orange Shitpile will still reap some benefits - the Muslim world is pissed off, so they'll do something and he'll use it to foment more hatred.

I still like this (unfortunately fake tale - when I first heard it I was sure that my Mother had jumped out of a car trying to fly with sex dolls):
An ultra-religious Arkansas woman named Georgeann passed on from this life when she leaped through the sunroof of her husband's fast-moving car because she thought she was witnessing the Rapture.  She saw Jesus standing by the highway with his arms lifted, and naked people were rising into the air, so she leaped up to join them.  However, Jesus was actually 32-year-old Ernie Jenkins, dressed in a sheet and on his way to a toga party, who had pulled off the highway and was standing outside his truck, trying to rein in his 12 helium-filled blow-up sex dolls that had come untied and were floating away.