joke time

[Cyberman]

Seamus and Murphy are out on the town. Seamus asks, "How much cash do we got dere, Murphy?"

Murphy says, "We got precoiserly five euros between de two of we. Now how are ye supposin' are we gettin' drunk on dat, now?"

Seamus says, "Just you be leavin' dat ter me", and he takes the money, goes up to a fast food stall and buys a hotdog.

Murphy scowls and says, "Dat was clever of ye! Oi'd have never o' tought o' dat meself! Wot use are we wantin' wid a hotdog, and now us wid no money at all ter gets drunk wid, yer big eedjit?"

Seamus throws away the hotdog bun and says, "Wot we do is, we goes in de pub, have a few bevvies, den when de landlord be wantin' payin', Oi unzips me fly an' poke dis sausage out. Den you gets on yer knees an' start sucklin' on it. De landlord'll be so disgusted dat he'll trow us out an' we can go on to der next pub, and so on! It's a good plan, you just trust yer old mate!"

Murphy isn't sure, but follows his friend into the Dog and Hammer anyway. They order two pints of Guinness.

"Sup up!" says Seamus, "Yer gettin' free drinks, now!"

They down the beer and order two more. After a few rounds of this the landlord, Pat O'Hooligan, decides it's time for money to change hands. Seamus spots him starting to walk over.

"Quickly now," he says, unzipping his trousers and inserting the sausage, "get on yer knees an' start doin' yer stuff!"

So Murphy kneels down and pops the sausage into his mouth.

When Pat sees what's apparently going on in a public bar, his face turns puce with rage. "Yer dirty pair o' bastards!" he screams; and grabbing them both by the neck, hurls them into the street. "An' don't you not never come back!"

"See?" says Seamus. "Nearly eight full pints an' not a one we've had to pay for! Now let's try the Fiddler's Elbow on de corner!"

In they go, have several pints and then play the same trick, getting thrown out on their ears again.

After a few hours of this, being slung out of pub after pub, Murphy rolls over in the gutter, holds his head and says, "Seamus, oi'm tinking we might have ter call it a night, now - me poor head's fair spinnin', oi'm so drunk! Oi can't even feel me teeth!"

Seamus, lying face down next to him, says "You tink you gots problems? Oi can't even remember what pub we lost de sausage in!"