Preacher joke 01

[Drich]

These are the types of jokes that all of you are missing out on Sunday mornings.

Two guys were hunting in an old corn field, when the came across a large deep hole. So deep they could not see the bottom. The first one says: " oooie, that sure looks deep, I wonder how far it is to the bottom?" The second guy say "idk, throw something in and we count to see how long it takes to hit the bottom." So they look around and one finds an old rusty tractor transmission.

They both agree that it will work so the roll it over to the hole and kick it in.. A few seconds went by and nothing, then a few more, still nothing, then the hear a bell and a goat screaming at them, they turn around and see the goat coming at them faster than they've ever seen any animal run.. The step a side quickly as the goat made a beeline to the hole, and without skipping a step he jumps in...

The first hunter was very confused and asked the second, ' have you ever seen anything like that before?' The second said, "nope, I ain't seen noth'n like that ever in my life. So they turn around and begin to walk back to their truck.

Half way back, a farmer approaches then and asks have you seen my goat? He then describes the goat they both saw jump into the hole.. They said yes and described what happen.. The farmer shook his head and said, that it couldn't have been my goat because he was tied to an old tractor transmission that was in that field.

---

I know its baaad, but I think that's the point..

[Minimalist]

A Hard Walmart Job


To afford my 'lifestyle' I've been forced to seek employment... To help pay the bills! As well, in these tight economic times, you can't really be too choosy about a job opportunity... You take what's available when it's available.

I never saw myself as a sales clerk helping out in women's clothing, but you take what you can get on short notice!

Walmart hired me on the spot... Had a choice of two openings... A Walmart Greeter, or, an Assistant in the Women's Jean Dept. I just wanted to tell you myself, just in case your wives or girlfriends come to Walmart to try on jeans.

Kinda enjoyed my first day on the job... Now I'm thinking about making it 'full time' employment!

[Sejanus]

Preacher jokes, eh?

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.
"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"
"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he also touched my breasts."
"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."
"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
"Yes father," she says sometime later, after catching her breath.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he has AIDS."
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

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I read this in the paper this morning: New York City has a priest shortage. To give you an idea how bad it is, earlier today in Brooklyn an altar boy had to grope himself.

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(Old but good)
Whats the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?

Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age.

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A new priest does confession for the first time and is extremely nervous. Father Murphy, the seasoned veteran, assures him it’s no problem, there’s a chart on the wall listing the sins and number of Hail Mary’s.

First sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned”. New priest ask what he’s done and he says, “I lusted in my heart”. New Priest looks at the chart and replies, “Three Hail Mary’s.”

Next sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” New priest asks what he’s done and he says “I committed adultery”. New Priest looks at the chart and replies, “Five Hail Mary’s.”

Next sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned”. New priest asks what he’s done and he says “I sexually molested an altar boy.” New priest is aghast, but looks on the chart. Nowhere on the chart is this sin. He’s really starting to sweat. The new priest runs out of the confessional in search of help. In the front of the church is altar boy. The new priest runs up to him and asks, “What does Father Murphy give for sexually molesting an altar boy?”

Altar boy replies, “A candy bar.”

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Q. How do you get a Nun pregnant?

A. Dress her up as an altar boy

[Drich]

[quote='Minimalist' pid='586466' dateline='1390108418']
[quote]A Hard Walmart Job


To afford my 'lifestyle' I've been forced to seek employment... To help pay the bills! As well, in these tight economic times, you can't really be too choosy about a job opportunity... You take what's available when it's available.

I never saw myself as a sales clerk helping out in women's clothing, but you take what you can get on short notice!

Walmart hired me on the spot... Had a choice of two openings... A Walmart Greeter, or, an Assistant in the Women's Jean Dept. I just wanted to tell you myself, just in case your wives or girlfriends come to Walmart to try on jeans.

Kinda enjoyed my first day on the job... Now I'm thinking about making it 'full time' employment! [/quote]





That poor woman and her physical deformity, it's terrible you would use her disability to tell a joke.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Three nuns sitting on a park bench saw a streaker run past. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun didn't touch him.

*****

Two nuns are driving late at night, when a vampire steps into the middle of the road. 'What should I do? asks the nun at the wheel. The passenger says, 'Show him your cross.'

She leans out of the window and shouts, 'GET OUT OF THE ROAD, YA TOOTHY GIT!!'

*****

A nun is having a bath when there's a knock at the door.

'Who is it?' she asks.

A male voice answers, 'It's the blind man. Can I come in?' The nun thinks that since he's blind there's no harm, so she tells him to come in.

The man enters, has a good, long look and says, 'Nice tits, sister. Now, where should I hang these blinds?'

*****

Boru

[Cato]

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar...
...he orders a drink.

[Cinjin]

I've got a great joke I heard from a pastor.

After living a long life, a man died and moments later found himself walking on roads paved with gold in a gated community full of perfect beautiful people. He was given crowns and jewels that were actually meant for an all-powerful wizard who he was compelled to sing about for all eternity.





















...

[ShaMan]

I know its baaad, but I think that's the point..

The point is to pay attention to the details. Stay sharp!

[Drich]

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar...
...he orders a drink.

That's one I haven't heard before..