Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist

[GrandizerII]

So where both sides differ generally is that one side faults both parties for their perceived incompetence (with the man being insensitive and the woman being unassertive), while the other side places little fault (if any) on the woman for not being assertive enough during that night (it was up to the man to notice the purportedly clear nonverbal cues of hesitation/rejection being sent by the woman, and so by persisting, he did cause her a lot of harm).

I'm on the latter side, but it's clear people have very different perspectives on matters like this. I think based on the original report that it was clear she wasn't comfortable with the sexual attempts (I mean, come on, he'd have to be really way out there to not notice the repeated verbal and nonverbal indicators of discomfort; even an idiot like me could recognize those), and sure, it would be nice if the woman was able to express herself really really clearly, but not all people are the same, and some have far more struggles with being assertive during a moment like this than others (let's not forget the societal conditioning of women as passive and tolerant of perceptibly mild sexual advances like this). Let's also not pretend to forget that he did forcibly kiss her multiple times, stick his fingers in her throat multiple times, went down on her suddenly, coerced her into going down on him, bent her over to have simulated sex, tricked her into just relaxing on the couch, gave her a hard time to leave, and pretended the next morning in his text to her that all was good and dandy last night.

Also, for those who have problems with social cues and would like to have sex, asking clearly for consent is the way to go. We're not all natural lovers or whatever, and so for people like me, the only way I can know if someone is ready to be kissed/made love to is to ask them (at least at the start of the relationship and if she didn't make the first move herself). Sure, some women may not like this approach, but then again, they're often not the ones I find compatibility with romantically/sexually. And why risk it anyway? If you struggle with car driving, then should you be reasonably expected to suddenly drive alone on a very long trip from one state to another? No, that would be very risky. Instead, you take your time getting accustomed to driving and becoming good at it, and then you can safely do the long trip. Better safe than sorry.