RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
January 17, 2018 at 7:31 pm
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2018 at 7:33 pm by bennyboy.)
At what point are people just going to get real? My answer would be something like "Of COURSE I was pressuring her. We were on a date, I thought she was hot, and I was trying very hard to get her to have sex with me. But she didn't tell me I had to stop: she didn't push me away, or say "No."
I'm a little older now, but I remember two things about my youth:
1) I was very shy, so girls were VERY aggressive with me-- I mean, they clearly got off on it: "Ben, we are going to have sex, right here, right now, and don't even bother trying to stop me!" This is not from a girlfriend but from a stripper who was friend of a friend of a friend. I do NOT intend to find her and charge her with sexual assault, though, because even though I never encouraged her and hardly even had a chance to give consent, I enjoyed it.
2) There was definitely a point of arousal at which the word "No" probably wouldn't have meant anything if I had been drunk. Once, I was fully sober, and a girl and I were getting seriously into it-- naked, petting, deep kissing on my bed, and I went in for the final act, and: "No. . . Do you LOVE me? Tell me you LOVE me, tell me you'll be my boyfriend." I managed to pull away and kick her manipulatin' ass the hell out of my room. . . but really just barely, and with an act of willpower so strong that it bordered on a religious experience.
I don't have a moral position on either of those scenarios, but on a pragmatic level-- all the memes in the world aren't going to stop people from acting on their very strong sexual motivations. A moral system which doesn't acknowledge how powerful sex is is not going to serve us very well in the long run.
I'm a little older now, but I remember two things about my youth:
1) I was very shy, so girls were VERY aggressive with me-- I mean, they clearly got off on it: "Ben, we are going to have sex, right here, right now, and don't even bother trying to stop me!" This is not from a girlfriend but from a stripper who was friend of a friend of a friend. I do NOT intend to find her and charge her with sexual assault, though, because even though I never encouraged her and hardly even had a chance to give consent, I enjoyed it.
2) There was definitely a point of arousal at which the word "No" probably wouldn't have meant anything if I had been drunk. Once, I was fully sober, and a girl and I were getting seriously into it-- naked, petting, deep kissing on my bed, and I went in for the final act, and: "No. . . Do you LOVE me? Tell me you LOVE me, tell me you'll be my boyfriend." I managed to pull away and kick her manipulatin' ass the hell out of my room. . . but really just barely, and with an act of willpower so strong that it bordered on a religious experience.
I don't have a moral position on either of those scenarios, but on a pragmatic level-- all the memes in the world aren't going to stop people from acting on their very strong sexual motivations. A moral system which doesn't acknowledge how powerful sex is is not going to serve us very well in the long run.
