Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist

[Edwardo Piet]

So, something like.."I'm uncomfortable and I don't want to hate you"?

Seems intentionally vague.

That's totally dodging the message. That's like she's more interested in being polite than interested in telling him to stop.

A reasonable response to that might be "Why are you uncomfortable? Why would I hate you?"

Or simply "What are you going on about?"

Or "You're all the same, you're all the same, you're all the same"?  "Next Time"?  "I don't think I'm ready to do this"?  How about sobbing, just balls out, mascara down the face sobbing?

That's her ranting after the vagueness.

I'm being unnecessarily harsh because her hints are more than clear enough for most mature adults most of the time. But that's not clear enough... it's not like her words couldn't be misinterpreted.

There is nothing about what she said that couldn't be interpreted as her not liking how the sex was going so far and she simply wanted him to slow down. The fact he suggested okay "Let's chill out a bit" or something like that afterwards, does suggest he misinterpreted what she was saying as her merely wanting him to slow down or stop temporarily rather than stop altogether. It all makes sense if we start from his premise of assuming she totally wants him to fuck her so she must just want him to slow down. The guy needed to wake the fuck up out of his creepy horny daze. Something like "Don't touch me" would snap him out of it a lot better than "I'm uncomfortable."

Hell, even "Don't touch me" might get a response like "... like... don't touch you at all?" and she may something like "Yes. Don't touch me at all." and he might have been the one crying in the bathroom instead. "I thought she wanted me to have sex with her!!".

If he kept touching her after she literally said "Yes I mean that I don't want you to touch me at all" then that would have been assault.

The fact a guy doesn't get hints when hints don't make any sense anyway... isn't assault.

I think he just needed to wake the fuck up and it was important that she was clear rather than vague. Especially when it was clear that he wasn't clearly getting her 'hints'.

I fucking hate hints as it is.

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To be honest, yes, I've had to guess sometimes when working an angle as to what she's feeling.

I have absolutely no fucking idea what the fuck ANYBODY is feeling unless they literally state what they are feeling. I don't even literally feel MY OWN feelings.

I think I'm kind of glad I'm alone all the time lol.

If I have to actually empathize with people enough to guess how they're feeling and what their hints mean, then I think I'm probably going to give up on socializing... and certainly sex. Which thankfully I've only had a couple of times anyway and thankfully so far no one has tried to get me to guess that they weren't in the mood. Thankfully they seduced me rather than the other way around (I have no idea when a girl is flirting at me or whether they like me or not. I don't know what these supposed social cues things even are).

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It works better for me if I assume that her saying "no thanks, I'm uncomfortable", or saying "I don't want to hate you because I feel forced" are actually her true feelings -- firstly, because it keeps me out of this creepy/gropey/rapey territory (and that's always good with street cred, ya dig?), and secondly, because it keeps me from having to deal with potential legal consequences.

Yeah what I do is just play it safe and end up on the unnecessarily cautious side and kill the sexual mood together.... I'm on the extra careful super nervous side.

Until I get intimate with someone enough for them to be my sexual partner.

If I was having sex with a girlfriend who always loved having sex with me and one day she randomly stopped enjoying the sex halfway through.... then hopefully if we'd become that intimate she'd already know by then that I wasn't the sort of person to be given hints half way through sex. I'd be totally deluded at that point and without nerves and caution so I'd need them to be literal at that point.

Thankfully I've never been close to anyone enough in RL for me to trust them enough to lose my own anxiety enough to stop being careful so much that I worry so much that I kill the mood.

Basically, I am glad I've never become complacent in RL.... I guess. Probably a good thing I'm too anxious to even get a date in the first place. Better than getting a girlfriend and stopping worrying about being unable to take hints and letting myself relax a little and be happy and then my girlfriend for some bizarre reason suddenly doesn't know that I'm me the guy who can't take hints, and goes ahead and goes for the giving hints approach anyways.

I just realized I haven't slept for since like forever lol.