I Need Some Help

[Pat Mustard]

I am a student at a highly prestigious, super-secret university, and I need you to answer the following questions.  If you don't, I will have to go outside and talk to people.

1. Are men who wish they had bigger penises more or less moral than women who wish they had bigger breasts?

2. How tall was Jesus? If so, why?

3. Do you know more than three people called 'Cecelia'?

4. If your only options were eating blueberry pancakes or skinning a ferret, would you call your mum for advice?

5. Do you think Isaac Newton could have beaten  Gandhi in a knife fight?

6. If you found the ultimate meaning of life, would you try to find the rightful owner?

7. Why do you think fish are so smug?

8. Is your neck closer than it seems?

9.  Do you giggle when you pee?

10. How often do you have that dream where The Scorpion Empress of the Nether Hells fellates a pickle?

Please provide your answers as quickly as possible - I'm under a deadline. 

Boru

1) Men.
2) 9' even. Nobody could be taller'n Jesus.
3) Yes, I am a man.
4) No, I am a man, I need not a lowly woman's advice.
5) Yes, Newton was a godly man, Gandhi was a heathen and a pacifist.
6) No for I would be dead and gone to heaven, and god seeing that I was the manliest of men would have entrusted it to me for safekeeping.
7) Because they know not of god.
8) No, for my neck is a godly neck and stays in it's appointed place.
9) No for that is a womanly and ungodly way to act.
10) Never, I simply dream of subjugating that ungodly and heathen woman to god's will.

All these answers are biblically correct.